HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL

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HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL: The one who Makes a distinction between Holy and Ordinary

I say this Bracha every week as part of the Havdallah service, but this week, it means something new. The words Sacred and Ordinary have a new meaning this week as I take myself from the Sacred, the Holiness of the city of Jerusalem, of the Land of Israel, and take myself back to HUL, Hutz L’aretz, outside the land, back to America. While I am so happy to go home and see my friends and family, I am going to miss Ir HaKodesh. I will miss the living history I see each day as I walk to and from school. I will miss hearing Hebrew all around me, and the feeling of pride and confidence when I understand the conversations and join in. I will miss the endless kosher restaurants. I will miss the city shutting down for Shabbat and Haggim, and the peacefulness of the night when no one is out. I will miss the Israeli attitude and crazy way society works, and I will miss waking up to the clear blue sky. I will miss having the Kotel (as much as I’m not such a fan) 30 minutes away, and looking out at the Knesset every morning and night.

Above all, I will miss the relationships and friends I have made this year. It seems clear that there is something special, unique, and intense about friendships built through shared new experiences and places. My friends have become my family this year, because most of us don’t have family in Israel. I will miss the way people just drop by and conversations run on for hours. I will miss these friends, because they have become more than friends. They have become people who I have shared my life with, shared in tragedy and triumph, shared happiness, sadness and love together. I will miss these friends because they helped me be me, and make it through the year.

And so, as I continue to finish packing up my room, taking the last finals, catching one last glimpse of this holy city, I recognize now more than ever the difference between Kodesh and Chol.

May it be your will, God who makes the distinction between holy and ordinary, and I am not far from either as I make this transition. Make this transition easy, but distinct. May I find kodesh in the ordinary and ordinary in the Kodesh. May I find my way back to this place I have learned to love and call home soon. If I forget thee O Jerusalem, it would be like forgetting a piece of my heart. Thank you for this taste of Kodesh… Now, on to a new journey!

Tomorrow’s Just Another Day

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But it’s not. Tomorrow is my last full day here in Jerusalem, in Israel. Come Wednesday night at this time, my bags will be packed, checked in, and I”ll be sitting at Ben Gurion waiting for my plane to leave. Tomorrow isn’t just another day, Tomorrow is the day. I take my final final of my third year of Rabbinical School. I am over half way done with Rabbinical School, I am leaving Israel.
Tonight, I went out to dinner with my friend Mo for his last night in Jerusalem; his flight leaves early tomorrow morning. And as I walked there, my mind wandered into a million little places. I first started to think about all the times I walked down these streets, how scared I was the first time I tried to find my way around with a map. How many times I’ve celebrated last Nights with people, and now, here I am about to celebrate my own last night… WOW, so many emotions, and I can’t quite put them all on paper yet! Off to study and pack before my big exam tomorrow!!

Sooner or Later, All good things must come to an end

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I’m sitting here, having just returned from my real last class at Machon Schechter. 2 exams separate me from the official end of the academic studies I have engaged in here in Israel this year. And, my thoughts are all over the place. I cannot believe that I arrived in Israel nine months ago. It seems like only yesterday, and it seems like a lifetime ago. There were the days in the beginning that seemed like a heavenly paradise, the days in the middle where I wanted nothing more than to go home, and I thought the journey would never end, the days where I was suddenly reminded that I am in Israel, and now the days that fly by so fast, I just want them to slow down. One week from today I will board a plane back to America, the time of my return to Israel, uncertain. This year has been full of ups and downs, full of growth and change. New friends have been made, old friends reunited with, and other friendships ended. This year has been full of learning in and outside the classroom, learning about myself, society, the world. And i know that learning will never end, but my time here is coming to an end, and it is all happening so fast.
Yesterday in my Israel Seminar, we reflected on the year, on how our views and feelings towards Israel have changed during the year. I definitely have found myself with stronger views on the politics of this country, have a deeper connection to the struggle of living here, and a new found respect for those who choose to make Aliyah, and at the same time, am ready to go back to my home. Home is where the heart is, my home is both Israel and America, and that is o.k. But, my picture of an idealistic, perfect Israel has been altered, and I see a State, full of problems, but overcome with incredible charm and beauty.
I am left with questions, how can I show American Jews that they need Israel, not just that Israel needs us? How can I learn to love the discomfort, which I have, and how can I find the discomfort that pushes me to grow and try new things back in America? How can I share my unconditional love for the complex society that Israel is home to?
I have learned to love the complexities that make this charming society. I have learned to love the discomfort. I have learned to love the sirens and honking. I have learned to love the backwards bureaucracies, because I love Israel Unconditionally.
But, I’m not ready to leave. It doesn’t feel real. In the next week, I will pack up my life again, and move to a new place, I will have new experiences, new friends, new thoughts. But, I will be leaving something so precious to me.
How did these 9 months fly by so quickly?
I remember the pride and joy when I had my first conversation in Hebrew outside School, when I ordered food for delivery in Hebrew, when I read the bills and understood them for the first time. I remember the sense of accomplishment writing my first paper in Hebrew, participating in Class for the first time in Hebrew, understanding an entire lecture in Hebrew. It will be strange to go back to speaking English everywhere. It will be strange to go to the Grocery store and understand the packages, to have a cart I didn’t have to pay for. It will be strange to have a car, not to rely on my own two feet every minute of the day.
So many thoughts to process. So much more to do and see. But time is running out… here I go, making the best of the time I have left. And I know, it won’t be long before I return!

Where Everybody Knows your Name

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Nearly every morning when I wake up, Cheers is on TV, and I eat my morning bowl of cereal while watching one of my favorite shows. Mind you, this show has been off the air in America for a long time, but here, I’m still getting “new” episodes.
But, every morning, I think about the wonderful feeling of walking into a room where everybody knows your name. This year, I have spent a great deal of time learning at both Machon Schechter and the conservative Yeshiva. In fact, I spent the first month and a half that I was living in Israel at the Conservative Yeshiva, and throughout that time, i developed friendships that I think will last a life time. But now, as the year ends, my friends are starting to leave, and the room that was once a place that I would walk into and everybody not only knew my name, but was excited to see me, and me them, will be spread throughout the country and the world. Now, that room is slowly beginning to empty, and I have a twinge of sadness.
I guess this is just another step towards the end of the year. the count down has begun, in the next 2 weeks, I will pack up my room, finish my classes, say goodbye to some dear friends, and head back to America. It is all happening so fast, my head is spinning. there is so much to do.
of all the incredible adventures I have had this year, all the amazing learning, the growing I have done for myself, as a person. Of all the experiences I have had, what I will miss the most is walking into a room where everybody knows my name, where my friends are. And for this experience, I am grateful!

Climb Every Mountain

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It was about 7 months ago that I wrote an entry titled with a sound of music song, so I figured it was time for another! Israel just brings it out in me! Anyways, I am writing this as i have regained consciousness and hopefully gotten back into a normal sleeping schedule after the amazing holiday that is Shavuot.
For me, this Shavuot represented something different, special, unique. Shavuot completed my cycle of the shalosh Regalim, for which I was in Israel. That’s right, this year, i walked, actually on regel to the old city of Jerusalem on each of the 3 regalim. I walking down the streets, carrying myself, my prayers, my heart to the Temple. I walked down the streets that so many have walked before me. i walked towards the holy of holies. And the shalosh regalim will always have special meaning for me because of this. It is not that i think it is so special to be at the Kotel, and at the “temple”. Rather, for me what hits home is the act of walking and doing. I don’t’ get moved every time I go to the old city, in fact, I don’t’ really enjoy being at the Kotel, mostly because of the politics and the “idolization” the Kotel has in our lives today.
As I walked towards Robinson’s Arch or the “Masorti Kotel” at 4am with thousands of other people, I found myself moved by the symbolism. Here we are, thousands of years later, walking down the streets in the same direction my ancestors did. I closed my eyes after seeing the sea of people behind and ahead of me, and imagined what it might have been like. The streets loud with animals, the smell of the great BBQ happening on the Temple mount, the first fruits being brought into the Temple court yard. The ability to feel close to God.
Instead, i walked down the street at 4am to the call of the Mosques that surround the old city, they too were up early to pray. I walked down the street with my friends, with those who became my family this year, with tired eyes, but a joyous and full heart. The sky was an amazing array of blues, the stars bright and twinkly, there was even a shooting star. The evening and morning were perfect.
I did this walk 9 years ago, when I was here on TRY. I did the walk with my friend A, who also happens to be here with me this year studying to become a rabbi as well. We talked beforehand about what we remembered from that morning 9 years ago. The morning when we had to wear backpacks over our talitot, had to cover our heads from the buckets and dirty diapers being hurled at us. 9 years ago, we attended the egalitarian service in the Kotel plaza, where the police formed a human barrier around us, protecting us from those who didn’t then, and don’t now believe that we had a right to pray together. We talked about the feeling of holding the Torah as it was read from, the feeling of standing up for what I believe in. Then, I received the Torah with a sense of pride, with a sense of excitement and anticipation. This year, we had our own place, this year there was no conflict, this year, I stood there, ready to receive Torah in a new way.
This year, I stood at the southern wall, in a mixed group, staring up at this monstrous wall, staring up at the sky, trying to take in everything around me. This year, i climbed the mountain, I embraced the challenges of life in Israel, life in Jerusalem, and climbed towards my goal, becoming a better me, learning and embracing the experiences. This year, the gift of Torah for me has been the gift of finding myself while studying Torah. This year, the Torah came to life for me, the cycle of the year was all around me, staring me in the face from all sides.
As I learned through the night, as I taught about the receiving of the Torah, I received Torah of my own. I received Torah in my heart, I received a precious gift… I climbed the mountain, I survived my journey, I struggled, complained, doubted, believed, persevered and I made it! Two steps forward, one step back, here I go again…