ANd it FEELS LIKE HOME…

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It is now 2:30am, my sister and tanta just pulled away in their nesher to the airport, and I am overcome with sadness and tears for many reasons I think. First, I am sad to see them go. Their trip here for the last 18 days was a whirlwind of services, holiday, travel, exploration, love and support. We bonded, my sister and I have grown together, today I experienced my first day without her by my side in the last 2 weeks and I missed her so much and couldn’t wait to get home to see her again. We did homework together, me helping her, her helping me. We shared stories of the past 7 months, hugged, fought a little, laughed and mostly just enjoyed being together for the first time in a long time! I love my sister, I am so happy to have shared this time with her, She is amazing!
It was good to see tanta, she helped me to make pesach the way I wanted to, the way my mom has made it all my life. She pushed me to travel, see the country, enjoy my time here. We walked, talked, shopped, ate and enjoyed being together! I love my family!
And now, after what seemed at times like an eternity crammed into my small apartment, they are gone and I am alone. I know I will be home in just 2 short months, welcomed back into the loving embrace of my family, and I know how sweet it will be to see my mom, dad, papa, dog, aunts, cousins, uncles and sister. And I will cry tears of joy to be with them again, to be supported and loved in a way only my family can provide for me, I am anxious and excited to get there!
And now, I cry tears of sadness that I am here alone again, but tears of sadness also because I realize my experience here is quickly coming to an end. So much more I want to do and see before I leave, and so much I’ve already done. Israel feels like home. I felt such pride in being able to guide my family through Jerusalem, show them interesting places, lead them through the maze of streets. I have made a home here, made a family here, and it feels right.
This year hasn’t been easy for me, between my new found finicky tummy, and other issues, the challenges of language and school, I have had a rough year. But, despite it all, I love this place, I love the home I have made, and I will be sad to leave this place that feels like home…

This Year, Only in Jerusalem – Pesach 5767

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only-in-jerusalem.jpg

I began a post yesterday about my Passover reflections, writing as I have the past two years about how I have changed coming to this Passover and how I hope I will change before the next. I reflected on what was special and unique this year, and what bothers me about where I am at. And then, I realized, none of that matters for me! What matters is that I am here, I am in Jerusalem. Last year I said “Next year in Jerusalem” and now, here I am! And to make it better, my Tanta and my sister are here with me! Finally, after seven months I see people related to me, people who love me unconditionally, I see my family. I don’t think I could have done Passover without at least one other member of my family. Passover is my favorite holiday because I get to be with my whole family, because we celebrate traditions from years before I was born.

This year in Jerusalem, this year it is different! I tried my best to create a seder meal and seder exactly as I like it, exactly as my mom and dad did, exactly as their parents did before them. But somewhere along the way, I know it will not be the same. This year, instead of each aunt and cousin bringing their traditional contribution to the seder, my Tanta and sister and I spent the whole day in the kitchen trying to do it all. And I miss my family more than ever! This year, there is only one child at home instead of the whole nine or ten of us sitting at the table. This year, when the Haggadah says that you shall tell your child on that day, my father will have no child to tell the story to because we are both here. But this year the story is different. This year I am living in Jerusalem, This year I am striving to be free. This year I am growing. This year I have tasted a new freedom, and this year I value my family more than ever.

This year in Jerusalem, I walked the streets yesterday to find stations of boiling water with lines of people waiting to kasher their kitchen. Only in Jerusalem! This year in Jerusalem, I walked the streets this morning to the smell of bonfires burning chametz, Only in Jerusalem! This year I went to the grocery store only one day before Pesach to do all my shopping and got everything I needed. Only in Jerusalem! This year the grocery store will only sell kosher for Passover food during Passover, and I don’t have to worry about buying chametz. Only in Jerusalem! This year the restaurants are kosher for Passover, and I will eat in them. Only in Jerusalem! And this is a taste of a new freedom, something to be savored.

This time is short, my seder begins in one hour, and I have so much to do! May each of us know the joy of Pesach in Jerusalem, the excitement of knowing that next year in Jerusalem will come true. May we be blessed with the refreshment of renewal and rebirth as we go back to our ancestors and move from slavery into freedom, no matter how large or small that freedom might be. L’Shana Ha’Zeh B’yerushalayim!

EDITED! Do Fences make good neighbors? Use your Words!

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Last Thursday, I participated in a group trip to Judea and Sumaria, more specifically, to the Shomron and the village of El Kana. A group of my colleagues and I headed out through the beautiful landscape of Israel glancing at the biblical architecture yet to be discovered, the blooming flowers, and the beautifully decorated “sound barriers” soon to be known as “the fence.” I do NOT want to be political here, rather, I want to reflect on some ideas that popped into my head while i watched the fence and flowers flow by through our bus.
First and foremost, I felt safe, I was in Israel, as an American. That is, at the “border crossing” into the territories, an Israeli might need tos how their passport as they are crossing the border, but i did not need to. What I was struck with was the beauty of the land, and the term used to describe those who have chosen to live there, settlers. They have settled the land, and live peacefully in many places with their Arab neighbors; something that perhaps could be a model for the whole of Israel. One of the main ways the Jewish people obtained ownership of the land was to settle it.
The more I looked at the Fence, the more I found myself wondering how building a fence and separating ourselves from one another would promote peace and security. Furthermore, how can we both exist and live together while not even acknowledging the existence of the other side of the fence. I kept thinking about my backyard growing up, which was at the head of a wide open space that connected all the other backyards of the houses on the two streets perpendicular to ours. We all shared swing sets and backyards, bats and balls. We played together some days, and some days we kept to oursleves. But how different would it have been if we had put up a big fence separating ourselves. Would my sister and I have made friends with the other kids or just played together, alone? Would I have been able to learn about my neighbors holidays and share mine with them? BUT THE FENCE WORKS, TERRORISM IS DOWN… A GOOD IDEA, but at what cost??
The final moment of the trip which brought me some serious thought was standing at the end of Israel, overlooking the Palestinian Authority davening mincha. There we stood together, praying, and as I said the last words of my private Amidah, asking for a great peace over all of Israel. And I found myself stuck with the words, paralyzed by what that means, how is it possible. I know that it is possible, I know there will be peace, one day, may it be speedily in our days. But, after seeing the walls, seeing the peaceful coexistence in contrast to the few hostile neighboring villages, I am not sure we have found the solution yet. Do fences make good neighbors? What about that saying parents tell their children… Use your words? But what words do we say?
may we see the day when war and bloodshed cease, when humankind will not again know war. May peace come speedily in our days, may we love our neighbors as ourselves, share the swing-set, learn about each other, live and grow together in the beauty of the gift of God’s creation.

ZACHOR

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This evening, on my walk around Jerusalem to get some fresh air, i passed by the Restobar, one of my favorite places to grab a glass of wine and unwind. Like many places in the streets of Jerusalem, there is a sign out front next to the guard station in memory of a number of individuals who were murdered in a suicide bombing. I often look at the sign and continue on my way. Tonight however there was a crowd of people around this sign. Last night was the 5 year anniversary of this bombing. Tonight family and friends gathered and lit candles in memory of these individuals who lost their life grabbing a drink at the same restaurant I shared a drink at on Thursday night. As I walked by, I wondered who these people were? how their families were coping? Were they there with friends? Some of them were my age, now nothing more than a memory and a reminder of the instability and fear that grips this society. This was the first time I passed by one of the signs and saw the candles lit. And then, a disgusting thought crossed my mind. While these people are outside remembering and mourning the loss of their innocent loved ones, somewhere, another community or family might be celebrating the anniversary of their loved one’s victory over the Jewish people. Sad and troublesome as that sounds, I have to remind myself daily that what I see as a loss of innocent life, others see as payback for occupation.
I don’t want to get political or grim, but I am reminded daily, each time I walk by a memorial of the innocent life lost for my rights and privilege to bein the land that I hold so dear. And I will remember those who i never had the opportunity to meet, those whose memory will serve as a reminder to the fight I will fight as a Jew, the fight to live freely in the world. But, I will not be afraid. I will go to Restobar again, I will continue to walk Ben Yehuda and grab a falafel, visit my favorite coffee shops and live my life, through this, their memory will live on! ZACHOR!!

Shabbat Shalom?

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A few random thoughts on Shabbat! Does the fact that I am a woman mean that I am not worthy of being wished Shabbat Shalom? As I was walking to Shul this week, i was bothered as usual when every man I passed proceeded to turn their head away from me when passing by. On Shabbat morning, more often than not, the people who I pass by on my way to services will wish me a Shabbat Shalom, and acknowledge my existence. But Friday nights, I am not afforded that luxury. This week was particularly bothersome. I was about half way to shul when a guy in full on frum garb walked out of his building towards me. I saw him, and my immediate reaction was to say Shabbat shalom as I do to most people I pass by on the street (perhaps I am too nice!). He saw me in the distance and as he passed me, he turned his head and started to mutter to himself so as not to have even the slightest interaction with me.
Now, I value religious convictions and different levels of observance, but I found this to be rude and degrading. Don’t i deserve to have a Shabbat Shalom? is being a woman such a crime that I can’t even be wished a simple greeting? 2 of the 3 mitzvoth I am commanded to do according to orthodox practice are related to Shabbat, yet this man couldn’t wish me a Shabbat Shalom? I dont know. I am disappointed not because this man doesnt’ acknowledge my validity to be a rabbi, that i can’t argue with him about because we will never see eye to eye. I am upset because the mere fact that I am a woman invalidates me in his eyes from deserving a Shabbat Shalom! Another Israel Experience!!