Author: Eve Posen

Like a Rolling Stone

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So, I’ve been home a little over a week and I am still readjusting. In the last 10 days I have lived in Israel, Michigan and now Chicago. I have touched ground in Israel, Atlanta, Michigan, Indiana and Illinois, and I have lived in 3 different time zones. Surprisingly, I haven’t had hardly any jet lag. My readjustment is still progressing slowly. In some ways, it feels like I never left, and in others it seems like I have been away for far too long.
It was quite wonderful to see my family again after so many months apart. Having my dog jump on me and go crazy was an incredible feeling only to have been beat by the feeling of hugging my mom, dad, sister, aunts, uncles and grandfather again. I left 9 months ago, and I returned, everyone is still in one piece, and I am very thankful for that.
As ready as I was to come home, I miss Israel terribly. I miss the atmosphere, hearing Hebrew everywhere I go, I miss the people, my friends, my apartment. Although, it is quite nice to have carpeting and cable and a car. I’m sort of in this in between state of not knowing where I am and trying to figure out where I am landing myself. It will be very nice once I settle in here in Chicago for the summer to be in one place again for a few months.
So, how did my reentry go? Well, I got home to find 2 of my bags did not make it quite to Detroit with me, but were soon delivered to my house. I immediately had a delicious new york bagel, unpacked, relaxed with carpeting, air conditioning and lots and lots of channels on TV. I have now eaten all of my favorite foods, had a fantastic lunch with my sister, fun family dinners, reconnected with a few old friends, and made some new ones. I went to a Tigers game with my mom and sister, and had a fantastic time relaxing before the big move over to Chicago.
After 7 full days at home, I packed up again, and drove myself down to Chicago. I was very very sad to be leaving my family and friends so soon, but I am only about 5 hours away in the car. Anything is better than 14 or more hours by plane! The best part of Chicago is that I am living only a few short blocks away from my uncle. It is wonderful to be living in a city with family, especially with family i don’t get to see all the time.
I arrived Friday afternoon. After I got myself into the apartment I quickly changed and headed out to Shabbat services and dinner with my Uncle at his synagogue. It was wonderful to meet his friends, and join a wonderful community. We davened, sang and ate the homemade goodies my uncle made for the Oneg. I very much enjoyed being in his company and getting to know a bit of Chicago I hadn’t seen before. Shabbat was very relaxing and involved getting to know one of my roommates. I am living in an apartment with 3 other people. We are subletting for the summer. We are now finally all moved in and slowly getting to know each other before we begin our work tomorrow. It all promises to be a fantastic summer! Today I went grocery shopping and found a few Kosher places to buy my favorite salami and other foods. and now I am jsut relaxing before joining the work force again!
A pretty simple and straightforward update. I should mention that I came home just in time to say goodbye to my Rabbi who will be leaving in a few weeks to take his post as the Dean of JTS rabbinical school. It was wonderful to return to the place that has such a profound influence on me and my decision to become a rabbi. Walking in the door, seeing my friends, my community brought me back to reality, made it feel like home.
So, here I go. Off on another journey, finding my way, a new adventure! And it promises to be fun! Off to take on the Windy City!!

I’m Going Home

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Below is my journal entry after I boarded the plane:
Here I sit, on the plane, a few minutes from take off and this song plays. I start to cry. I am actually leaving my home of the last 10 months. It is over.
I did so much, but there was so much more to do, and I am going home. But, I am leaving home, and here are the tears, flowing, streaming freely down my face. They are sad tears, but they are happy tears. Perhaps they are tears of pride and joy. I am leaving my new family, my friends. I know I will see them again, and soon- but for now, we say goodbye. We hung on to each other for life at times, other times we caught one another, supported each other. We clung to the last minutes of being together. Watching the season finale of “Grey’s Anatomy” in the airport with a classmate until I had to board my flight. Tears, streaming down my face, confusion, fear. I am going home, I am facing the pain and sorrow that stood in the back of my mind all year. In Israel, I was free, I was me, I didn’t have to deal with life at home if I didn’t want to. But here I am, on a plane, mere hours from returning to the life I left. Returning a different person. Returning unsure of how to deal with some of the changes that face me upon my return. Returning to leave again in 6 days.
They are tears of the unknown, what will it be like to return to America after 9 months and 6 days? How will it feel? Will I know what to do without Hebrew? Without everything I have become so used to? How will it be to be with my family?
The pilot just came on- one last Israel Experience- in the middle of our preparation for take off, the air traffic control workers went on strike! I have to smile thru the tears, how fitting!
I did it, I made it alone in Israel. I am so proud of myself. I am independent, I took care of myself, without my usual supports, without the support I thought I couldn’t live without. I am o.k. Now, I can do anything.
Here we go, cleared for take off. 9 months ago I arrived, now I leave, a new person, a better person, a more confident, independent me. No looking back, no turning back, here we go. I have an entire row to myself, this is it. And how fitting, they are showing “Pirates” which i watched so many times this year with my classmates.

Leaving on a Jet Plane, Don’t Know when I’ll be Back Again

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Well, here I am, in about 13.5 hrs, my flight will take off and I will high in the sky on my way back to America. And I am mixed with emotions. I am so excited and happy to see my family, friends, community, and yet, so incredibly sad to leave Israel, leave my life here, my family here, my friends. My roommate keeps getting so excited for me because I am going home, and yet I am eternally conflicted.
Yesterday, we received a security warning from school. We have received these before, but this one was very specific about where not to go, what not to do. And it basically included all the places I had planned on visiting today before I left. Granted, I am not going because my friend the parasite has made his triumphant return to say goodbye to Israel, but none-the-less, this was a jolt to the system.
Perhaps I have been lucky, although, I don’t like to think of it as lucky. I have lived here for 9 months, and in those 9 months, while there has been an escalation in tensions, my life has not been threatened. I feel safe. But, I don’t want to leave Israel, leave Jerusalem, leave my home when she might need me, when my friends might not be safe. I know I have nothing to do with it, but the worry and concern and love that have grown within me this year make it that much harder ot leave.
And so, here I am, doing last minute planning and packing, in a few short hours, the page will turn, and a new journey will begin! I am excited to see where it takes me, but sad to end this part of my journey.
for the last time, LOVE FROM THE HOLY LAND, I’ll see you in AMERICA!

HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL

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HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL: The one who Makes a distinction between Holy and Ordinary

I say this Bracha every week as part of the Havdallah service, but this week, it means something new. The words Sacred and Ordinary have a new meaning this week as I take myself from the Sacred, the Holiness of the city of Jerusalem, of the Land of Israel, and take myself back to HUL, Hutz L’aretz, outside the land, back to America. While I am so happy to go home and see my friends and family, I am going to miss Ir HaKodesh. I will miss the living history I see each day as I walk to and from school. I will miss hearing Hebrew all around me, and the feeling of pride and confidence when I understand the conversations and join in. I will miss the endless kosher restaurants. I will miss the city shutting down for Shabbat and Haggim, and the peacefulness of the night when no one is out. I will miss the Israeli attitude and crazy way society works, and I will miss waking up to the clear blue sky. I will miss having the Kotel (as much as I’m not such a fan) 30 minutes away, and looking out at the Knesset every morning and night.

Above all, I will miss the relationships and friends I have made this year. It seems clear that there is something special, unique, and intense about friendships built through shared new experiences and places. My friends have become my family this year, because most of us don’t have family in Israel. I will miss the way people just drop by and conversations run on for hours. I will miss these friends, because they have become more than friends. They have become people who I have shared my life with, shared in tragedy and triumph, shared happiness, sadness and love together. I will miss these friends because they helped me be me, and make it through the year.

And so, as I continue to finish packing up my room, taking the last finals, catching one last glimpse of this holy city, I recognize now more than ever the difference between Kodesh and Chol.

May it be your will, God who makes the distinction between holy and ordinary, and I am not far from either as I make this transition. Make this transition easy, but distinct. May I find kodesh in the ordinary and ordinary in the Kodesh. May I find my way back to this place I have learned to love and call home soon. If I forget thee O Jerusalem, it would be like forgetting a piece of my heart. Thank you for this taste of Kodesh… Now, on to a new journey!

Tomorrow’s Just Another Day

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But it’s not. Tomorrow is my last full day here in Jerusalem, in Israel. Come Wednesday night at this time, my bags will be packed, checked in, and I”ll be sitting at Ben Gurion waiting for my plane to leave. Tomorrow isn’t just another day, Tomorrow is the day. I take my final final of my third year of Rabbinical School. I am over half way done with Rabbinical School, I am leaving Israel.
Tonight, I went out to dinner with my friend Mo for his last night in Jerusalem; his flight leaves early tomorrow morning. And as I walked there, my mind wandered into a million little places. I first started to think about all the times I walked down these streets, how scared I was the first time I tried to find my way around with a map. How many times I’ve celebrated last Nights with people, and now, here I am about to celebrate my own last night… WOW, so many emotions, and I can’t quite put them all on paper yet! Off to study and pack before my big exam tomorrow!!