Author: Eve Posen

Papa can you hear me!?!?!

Eve Posen1 Comment
A tribute to my Papa, who passed from this world Sunday afternoon, and will be so dearly missed from my life!

What can I say about my papa? About a man who was more to me than a grandfather. He was a friend, supporter, mentor, teacher and as so many of you know, my publicist. My papa always had the biggest grin on his face, from ear to ear and a twinkle in his eye. I often wondered what he was thinking about, but after listening to so many stories about his life, I know he was thinking about me, my sister, his sons, his family. My papa grounded me, connected me to my past, taught me about who I am, and helped me discover who I can be. Last Monday evening, papa and I had a quick conversation. I was on my way to a dinner for work, and he was just finishing up something in the hospital. As I said I LOVE YOU and hung up the phone, I went to this dinner where the theme comes from the Talmud, tractate Taanit 23a. It states: “As our ancestors planted for us, so will we plant for our children.”

What a perfect verse for my papa, it fits for so many reasons. It fits because as a child I remember helping him and nana plant their gardens, physically planting the bulbs so the roots could set in, watering them, watching them, and enjoying the fruits of our labors. Just was we watered the garden, my papa watered my soul. He encouraged me to learn more about Judaism, he enlightened me with new divrei torah and sermons, he pushed me to think about texts in a new light. Furthermore, he planted the seeds for his children. He taught his sons about Judaism, honor, respect and ethics, and I am so lucky to have my uncles and father pass on these core values. My papa instilled in me a love for Judaism that flourishes and sprouts in new ways each day.

Another of my favorite memories of my papa is sitting with him in Shul. When I was younger, we would sit together and sing, as I got older, he would be my biggest fan in the pews as I led services, chanted torah or haftorah and gave a drash. After nana died, papa became my shul buddy, each week during the sermon, he’d close his eyes and take a little snooze, and his smile only got bigger when I would place my kepe on his shoulder to do the same.

My papa opened a sense of wonder and excitement within me. He was always good for an adventure on our bicycle built for two, a long car ride to places like Holland Michigan where we would go to meet up with my nana and papa’s friends the Schultz’s and their granddaughter for the weekend. We would laugh and enjoy life together. And I knew, that as much as I looked forward to these weekends, my papa enjoyed them more. This was his chance to watch me enjoy life. This was his opportunity of passing on a legacy of friendship and loyalty. My papa showed me the value of a true friend. So many times he would jump in the car with nana and run off ot an out of town family event, or tell me about cousins I had never met. Papa was my link to the world.

As many of you know, my grandparents had a thing for rabbis. So, when I decided to become one, I don’t’ think they could have been any happier. But, this decision did not come out of the blue. It came from years of being shown the beauty of family and tradition from the Jewish perspective. It came from the love I feel for the liturgy and the memories I have of sitting with nana and papa, learning the service, joking about silly words, and being together. Each time I lead a service, read torah or haftorah, give a drash, I smile, because I know how proud of me my nana and papa are. I am often told that when I lead services, the best part is that my voice is loud and clear, each word is heard. And I always answer that this is because of my papa, who sat in the back of the shul, and he needed to hear me. I guess I’ll need to be a bit louder now.

About a year ago, my papa sent me an email it reads: Dearest EVE
I just opened my e-mail and WOW what a beautiful Update. I had tears in my eyes just thinking
how much Nana would have enjoyed reading it. I somehow feel that she is looking down and
“kleibing nachas” from it all. If it is raining in LA, just think of it as Nana’s tears of joy raining down on you.

I went back and looked at your last two Updates to compare them to this one.Your joy of learning has certainly not deminished. It seems to grow stronger each time you write. I get
a feeling that I am witnessing the metamorphosis of a young woman who left here with some
trepidation about where she was going to a much more mature young woman with an insatiable
appetite to learn more. I am so happy for you. I can’t wait to see you and hug you in three weeks.

I’ve gotta go print out copies of your latest update for distribution!

All my love,

PAPA

His encouragement and love have helped me to grow and experience the world anew. This one email makes me smile so much because it embodies my papa, and his love for me, for family. And of course, for sharing all his nachas with you. Oh, and have no fear, while Papa wont’ be sending out the updates, I will be, and you can always find them at http://rabbieve.blogspot.com!

So, what can I say to a person who gave me so much in my life? To someone who was so kind and caring, and who took such good care of me and my family. To a man who treated me like a daughter, but with only the fun to be had. How can I honor my papa, who instilled in me the love of Judaism that has become my life, my love of family and knowing my roots because he showed them to me. What will I do without my publicist, my number one fan? I know he’ll be cheering me on, listening and watching me. I know he and nana will be front and center on my ordination night, with grins from ear to ear. I know his memory will live on as a blessing through me, and my family and the way in which we live our lives because of his gentle guidance and care. At the end of each phone call with papa, each meeting, I’d say I love you and he’d give me a tight squeeze, tell me he loved me, and then I’d tell him to stay healthy, and he’d respond with, I have to. He did it for me, for my sister, for his family. My papa was a fighter.

And so, on this day, where we gather to honor the memory of my papa, I feel his presence, the warmth of his smile, and I know he’s with nana now. I know he is at peace, and I will carry a piece of him always in my heart. Here I am living out my dreams, and growing from the seed planted by my papa. What better way to honor my papa, than to keep on living! I LOVE YOU PAPA!

And it feels like home…

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Sort of. I mean, I have now officially been back in the United States for 4 weeks. It doesn’t really feel like home, but it does feel familiar. I think i am just looking forward to being in one place for more than a few months. I came home, hit the ground running and have finally been in the same place for 3 weeks. In a bit over a month I will move back to LA and stay there for hopefully some long extended time.
But, what is a more fitting way to recognize my re-entry into the United States of America with the celebration of the 4th of July. I have been sitting here, thinking about how different this day is here than in Israel. In Israel, it is a celebration of a state that people are still fighting to protect the right to exist. I don’t feel that way here. In Israel the day follows a very moving and somber day of morning and remembrance for those who fell in battles to protect the country. Here, it is just another excuse for fire works, alcohol and a day off of work. Don’t get me wrong, I think celebrating America, and the freedoms I am granted for living here is an incredibly important task. But I am taken by the marked differences in the societies and have a deeper understanding for what my life means, my country stands for.
I spent part of my day doing something that made me feel more grateful for the country I live in, and felt like it better celebrated what “independence day” is all about. I spent a portion of my day down in Millennium park working with a teen group on a voter registration drive. And the rest of the day participating in my first bbq since being back in the US.
I guess I’m just readjusting, but it’s much harder when every day I am faced with the challenges of our society and trying to find my place within the hustle and bustle and fight for justice. I guess I’ll just take it one day at a time, and do whatever small part I can to make a difference in my world. Hillel keeps coming back to me: “If I am not for myself who will be for me, if I am only for myself, what am I, and if not now, when?” This is the daily struggle!

Heal the World

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It seems to me that there is a lot of healing to be done in the world. My world is broken. The world i see with my eyes, hear, live in is hurting, and needs to be fixed. As I embarked 2 days ago on my journey this summer, the world became a different place to me. As I embarked 10 months ago for my year in Israel, the world changed in my eyes. What can I do to fix it? 2 days ago my work began, significant work. Work that is moving in the right direction. I dont’ want to perfect the world, because well, i don’t think anything is perfect, and if it were perfect, it wouldn’t be real.
Now, I know that all of these problems and hurts existed before, and I wanted to help then as well. I am not naive, and I know that there is a lot to be done. What I am talking about is my new perspective.
I’m just thinking about our world, and the injustice that is so prevalent in daily life. The women who can’t feed their children, the children who are punished because of a society that instead of working for the children works against the adults.
I guess I’m just doing a lot of thinking these days. Today I went to my placement for the first time. I am working for a very special project, advocating for social change. Advocating for those whose voice is rarely listened to. And my voice will be heard. Whether it is because I was one of those considered “Lucky” in our society to have been born as I am, look the way I look, or because I can empathize, sympathize and agonize with the community I am working with. Our voices will be heard.
I guess you could say I am hooked. After these past 3 days, I have been shown an entirely new world, one that is bleeding and broken, but one that I have the tools to fix. This is really incoherent, probably because I haven’t quite been able to process everything yet, but this is the beginning.
“You are not obligated to complete the task, neither are you free to desist from it…” HERE I GO!

Riding along in my….

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train car. That’s right, I am finally living in a city with public transportation that is usable, semi-affordable, and doesn’t involve me sitting in my own car for hours. I get to take the “L” to work every morning and home every night. This is a new and big thing for me. First of all, I have a terrible sense of direction, so it’s not easy for me to figure out which one to get on, where to go, what direction it should be going. Even if i read the signs and have a map. But, Chicago seems to be pretty easy to figure out. And, with the help of one of my roommates for the summer, I was able to figure out the best way to get to and from the office and from my placement.
Today was the first day I took the “L” by myself, as it was our first day of placement. Armed with my map and directions memorized, I headed out on my own. I needed to take 2 trains, one of which I have taken before to get to work, and one I had never seen before. It went off without a hitch. My train was pretty empty, on time, and when the transfer came, I found a nice person, asked if I was standing and waiting for the right train, and that was that. I made it to work in 1 hr. without a headache or sitting in traffic for hours.
I think I”ll like taking the “L”. Yesterday, i found myself making up stories for the people who came on to the train. Today, i enjoyed my ipod and my book, and taking in the scenery on my way south and then back north through the city. There was something relaxing and peaceful about the train, something that kept me in my head, thinking, but relaxing. I have a built in hour before and hour after work to relax, decompress, reflect. There isn’t anything else I can do, so I will make the best use of the time as I can. I LIKE THE “L”, yay for public transit!

Here We Go Again

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So, there is a common thread in my life that is becoming more and more noticeable. My Bat Mitzvah portion seems to creep up on me in the strangest ways, and at the most interesting times. It was of course my grandfather’s parsha, the parsha my first week of Rabbinical School, the parsha when I moved to Israel for the year, it was studied at various events, and now, once more, on the second day of my summer job we studied its words again.
It begins with “When you will go out to war.” I have seen this fitting in many ways, since It always seems to be the parsha when I am on my way out into a new leg of my journey, so it is fitting here. It was also fitting that it was a war, because when I went to Israel it was to a “war” and now again I am embarking on a war for social justice. It continues on with many, many different commandments, one of which discusses our obligation to pay attention and see the world around us. We are not to ignore issues that need our attention. So fitting for what I am doing this summer.
But I also have to wonder if there is a reason this text, this specific section of all the texts I study keeps popping up in my world. It just seems too coincidental to me. it makes me journey seem more meaningful and almost appears as a sign telling me I am on the right path. Even, when I already know i am on the right path. So today, I set out again on yet another journey. My summer internship began with an “action” or “protest” yesterday and tomorrow I will visit my internship sight for the first time. This summer, i will engage in the war, I will go out into the world. This summer, my eyes will be opened, and I will not ignore