Author: Eve Posen

Oh Hannukah, O Hannukah, Come light the Chanukiah

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I made it! It is now officially Hannukah Break! That’s right, I have a week off of school for Hannukah, and then we’re back for a month and a bit before finals. Then, 2 more weeks off!! These past 2 weeks have been very hectic with midterms, presentations, visitors, and trip planning. I know the next few weeks will also be hectic as it is officially tourist season again here in the Holy Land! So, a quick update, and some reflections!

School is going well, although, it is frustrating because there are just not enough hours in the day to do all of my homework, go to school for 11 hrs. and do the other stuff that needs to get done like my extracurricular activities and grocery shopping or cooking! I love the material I am learning, I love my teachers and my classmates, and I love the Hebrew I am learning. But, I could do with a little bit more sleep, and a little bit less homework! But, I guess we all could do better that way! I have been busy with my TaShma learning (interdenominational) and my women’s halachah class among other things. I still have yet to travel on my own outside of Jerusalem, but I’m hoping to do more of that soon now that my friends are done applying to Rabbinical Schools! YAY! Overall, Israel is a wonderful experience right now, and a wonderful place to be. I’m figuring out how to keep warm at nights in the cold apartment, where to get the best falafel, the best judaica stores and so much more!!

One of the best parts of being in Israel is celebrating hte yearly cycle of holidays! Rosh HaShanah, Yom Kippur and Succot were an incedible experience. And now, we’re gearing up for Hannukah. While I will not be in Israel for half of Hannukah, I will still get to experience the holiday season here. I am already seeing the hustle and bustle to buy chanukiot, candles, sufganiyot (Amazing with Ribat Chalav), and dreidles. I do wonder though, if i’d hear Hannukah songs on the radio if i turned it on?

I’m not a fan of all of the christmas decorating in malls, and having it shoved in my face all the time, so this has been a nice break! But, I do miss being able to drive around with my family and see all the pretty lights covered in snow! It is weird here. The city actually put up “Holiday” lights. There are the icicle lights up all over the place and ornament type lights up on Ben Yehuda. It is a little out of place, both because of the lack of snow, and because you’d think they would put up jewish lights, but alas, what can you do?

THe holiday season makes me sad because I won’t be lighting candles with any family this year. In years past I have had some family ot light with, or friends to light with who felt like family, but this year, I feel especially lonely here in Israel. It might partly be because many members of my class are on planes as I type back to AMerica, adn many more of my friends will be going to America in the next few weeks, and I have no plans to go home as of yet. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but I miss home, and Hannukah just doesn’t feel the same without my family! But, I will make do, after all, I am going to be lighting the candles in GREECE!

I am leaving for Athens on Sunday. I’ll be there for four days, and hopefully will come back relaxed and renergized to finish up the semester! I’ll let oyu know how it is, and i”ll be sure to hide my dreidel from the Greek Authorities! Or, maybe I’ll wear a shrit and spread the words that we won out! Either way, I’m sure it will be fun!!

Take care, be well, and update me on your lives… I miss…

Oh, We’re Halfway There, OOOOH, Living on a Prayer

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This summer, I spent a good amoutn of time grappling with Prayer, and how to pray extemporaneously. I struggled with this in the hospital, how could i reach patients if the only prayer I know is a set liturgy. And now, after moving away from the ability to open my heart each day with a personal, extemporaneous prayer, I reflect back on it? How can i mix the two together? How can they connect?

Prayer, what is prayer? What is it that I pray for everday? What are the prayers of my heart? The prayers that I desire to have fulfilled, to fullfill myself? What does my heart desire?

The liturgy speaks to me, opens my mind. I pray for Israel, I pray for peace, safety, knoweldge. I pray for the strength to make it through the day. I pray for health for my family, my friends, for those that I love. I pray for love, that one day, I willf ind it. That my love of Torah and Judaism will continue to be strong, to grow, to open my eyes to the world, to teach me and guide me. I pray that when it is Besheret, I will find my Besheret.

But, I always wonder, are these the prayers of my heart, or of my head? Are they what I truly want, what I truly need, or are they what I think I need? And, how will I know the difference? Does God know the difference? Does anyone know the difference?

How do I open myself to God, how do I reveal m inner most thoughts and feelings? How can I find the words to express myself, to open myself up to the world outside? How do I reach inside and find myself, find my true self, the inner me?

I wake up every morning and thank God for the fact that I woke up today. I am so thankful for the sun that shines on my face, for the warmth and beauty of the earth. I go to minyan and I pray- the prayers of my father, my grandfather, my ancestors. I pray the words they prayed. Somedays, I feel their presence, their wrods bring meanign to me. Other days, I feel empty, nothing to add, nothing to say. Some days, the connection is magnetic, I am drawn in, attracted and I can’t let go. Other days, I am like 2 magnets of the same charge, repeling, pushed away. Nothing grabs me, nothing holds me in. And then, what do I do? How can I connect? When my heart yearns for so much, how can I find myself?

Perhaps it is when I let go of the structure, when I let go of my fears that I am able to open up, that I am able to share all of my dreams, wants, wishes. When i sto trying and start believing. When I open my heart wholly to the world- maybe then I’ll know what I truly desire, what I need, where I belong.

May it be your will, great, compassionate loving God, that you continue to strenghten me on my journey. Help me to find my place, my center. Help tto strengthen those who support me, for without my supporters, I may not stand somedays. Bless me with health and happiness and bring both to my family and friends. Help me to know that I can do anything I put my mind to, but help me to also know my limits. Wrap me in your loving embrace and spread over me and those I love your shelter of peace. Help me to find personal peace- of mind, spirit and of HEART. I thank you for the gift of my life, and the gift of my family and friends. Thank you for the small miracles that work their way into my life- both those I recognize and those I fail to see. Open my eyes to see the small blessings of life. Thank you for the warmth of the sun, the beatuy of the land around me. Please God, hear my prayers, open yourself to me as I open my heart to you!

Familiar Faces, Familiar Places

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Recently, I have been blessed to have a slew of visitors. Familiar faces have come to me so very far away, taken me for a meal, given me a hug, relayed news from home, been tehre for me and so much more. It is very hard to be away from home, from the comforts of everything I know and to be in a society that is so complex, changing every day. Just a week ago I reached the 3 months in Israel mark, and I have mixed feelings. While I have done well, survived the changes, adjusted to the new life here, I have also begun to miss home. Normally, I’d be going home in the next few weeks from school and spending time with family, but this is not hte case this year. Instead, I am getting ready to pack a bag, get on a jet place and explore yet another unfamiliar place, Greece.
And so this all has me thinking about familiarity. I know that while the faces might be familiar, they will soon be different. Being away for so long, i know people iwll change, relationships change. Old relationships that seemed familiar become unfamiliar, and new faces become the familiar ones. So, what makes something or someone familiar? I dont’ know. I do know that I miss the familiar things in my life today. I miss the familiar faces, the comforts of home and the familiarity of Los Angeles and Detroit. But at the same time, Israel is becoming familia,r and one day, the lines will blur…
I’m tired, time for bed! LOVE!

The Times, They are a Changin’

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I woke up this morning in a very differnt world than I am going to sleep in, and yet, it is still very much the same. You see, today, a decision was made that will have a great impact on my life, I am just not sure yet. Today a decision or, many decisions were made that will need to be digested by me, by my movement, and the larger implications of this are not entirely known. What I do know is that I am proud to be a part of a movement that upholds the Halachic process, that values human dignity, inclusion and moral imperatives. I also recognize the fact that there is much work to be done in order to continue this growth. But hey, one foot in front of the other seems to work for me. I am interested to see what happens in the coming days, weeks, months and years, but proud to be where I am, proud to be studying to become a Rabbi. Tradition and Change are valued, held with the utmost respect, and guide my life.
I think I have a lot more thinking to do on this, but I got to sleep tonight knowing that while the world may be changing, and the next few weeks/months might be trying, I am happy with where I am, and that’s what matters in the end!

I am Alive

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Don’t worry, although I may not have been updating as regularly as I would have liked, I am very much alive and well! I am just extremely busy with midterms and projets and presentations, and school and life and my GREECE trip in a week. There is much to write about, but I seem to have writers block, so, just know I am alive, and we’ll talk soon!!