Author: Eve Posen

Leaving on a Jet Plane, Don’t Know when I’ll be Back Again

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Well, here I am, in about 13.5 hrs, my flight will take off and I will high in the sky on my way back to America. And I am mixed with emotions. I am so excited and happy to see my family, friends, community, and yet, so incredibly sad to leave Israel, leave my life here, my family here, my friends. My roommate keeps getting so excited for me because I am going home, and yet I am eternally conflicted.
Yesterday, we received a security warning from school. We have received these before, but this one was very specific about where not to go, what not to do. And it basically included all the places I had planned on visiting today before I left. Granted, I am not going because my friend the parasite has made his triumphant return to say goodbye to Israel, but none-the-less, this was a jolt to the system.
Perhaps I have been lucky, although, I don’t like to think of it as lucky. I have lived here for 9 months, and in those 9 months, while there has been an escalation in tensions, my life has not been threatened. I feel safe. But, I don’t want to leave Israel, leave Jerusalem, leave my home when she might need me, when my friends might not be safe. I know I have nothing to do with it, but the worry and concern and love that have grown within me this year make it that much harder ot leave.
And so, here I am, doing last minute planning and packing, in a few short hours, the page will turn, and a new journey will begin! I am excited to see where it takes me, but sad to end this part of my journey.
for the last time, LOVE FROM THE HOLY LAND, I’ll see you in AMERICA!

HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL

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HAMAVDIL BEN KODESH L’CHOL: The one who Makes a distinction between Holy and Ordinary

I say this Bracha every week as part of the Havdallah service, but this week, it means something new. The words Sacred and Ordinary have a new meaning this week as I take myself from the Sacred, the Holiness of the city of Jerusalem, of the Land of Israel, and take myself back to HUL, Hutz L’aretz, outside the land, back to America. While I am so happy to go home and see my friends and family, I am going to miss Ir HaKodesh. I will miss the living history I see each day as I walk to and from school. I will miss hearing Hebrew all around me, and the feeling of pride and confidence when I understand the conversations and join in. I will miss the endless kosher restaurants. I will miss the city shutting down for Shabbat and Haggim, and the peacefulness of the night when no one is out. I will miss the Israeli attitude and crazy way society works, and I will miss waking up to the clear blue sky. I will miss having the Kotel (as much as I’m not such a fan) 30 minutes away, and looking out at the Knesset every morning and night.

Above all, I will miss the relationships and friends I have made this year. It seems clear that there is something special, unique, and intense about friendships built through shared new experiences and places. My friends have become my family this year, because most of us don’t have family in Israel. I will miss the way people just drop by and conversations run on for hours. I will miss these friends, because they have become more than friends. They have become people who I have shared my life with, shared in tragedy and triumph, shared happiness, sadness and love together. I will miss these friends because they helped me be me, and make it through the year.

And so, as I continue to finish packing up my room, taking the last finals, catching one last glimpse of this holy city, I recognize now more than ever the difference between Kodesh and Chol.

May it be your will, God who makes the distinction between holy and ordinary, and I am not far from either as I make this transition. Make this transition easy, but distinct. May I find kodesh in the ordinary and ordinary in the Kodesh. May I find my way back to this place I have learned to love and call home soon. If I forget thee O Jerusalem, it would be like forgetting a piece of my heart. Thank you for this taste of Kodesh… Now, on to a new journey!

Tomorrow’s Just Another Day

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But it’s not. Tomorrow is my last full day here in Jerusalem, in Israel. Come Wednesday night at this time, my bags will be packed, checked in, and I”ll be sitting at Ben Gurion waiting for my plane to leave. Tomorrow isn’t just another day, Tomorrow is the day. I take my final final of my third year of Rabbinical School. I am over half way done with Rabbinical School, I am leaving Israel.
Tonight, I went out to dinner with my friend Mo for his last night in Jerusalem; his flight leaves early tomorrow morning. And as I walked there, my mind wandered into a million little places. I first started to think about all the times I walked down these streets, how scared I was the first time I tried to find my way around with a map. How many times I’ve celebrated last Nights with people, and now, here I am about to celebrate my own last night… WOW, so many emotions, and I can’t quite put them all on paper yet! Off to study and pack before my big exam tomorrow!!

Sooner or Later, All good things must come to an end

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I’m sitting here, having just returned from my real last class at Machon Schechter. 2 exams separate me from the official end of the academic studies I have engaged in here in Israel this year. And, my thoughts are all over the place. I cannot believe that I arrived in Israel nine months ago. It seems like only yesterday, and it seems like a lifetime ago. There were the days in the beginning that seemed like a heavenly paradise, the days in the middle where I wanted nothing more than to go home, and I thought the journey would never end, the days where I was suddenly reminded that I am in Israel, and now the days that fly by so fast, I just want them to slow down. One week from today I will board a plane back to America, the time of my return to Israel, uncertain. This year has been full of ups and downs, full of growth and change. New friends have been made, old friends reunited with, and other friendships ended. This year has been full of learning in and outside the classroom, learning about myself, society, the world. And i know that learning will never end, but my time here is coming to an end, and it is all happening so fast.
Yesterday in my Israel Seminar, we reflected on the year, on how our views and feelings towards Israel have changed during the year. I definitely have found myself with stronger views on the politics of this country, have a deeper connection to the struggle of living here, and a new found respect for those who choose to make Aliyah, and at the same time, am ready to go back to my home. Home is where the heart is, my home is both Israel and America, and that is o.k. But, my picture of an idealistic, perfect Israel has been altered, and I see a State, full of problems, but overcome with incredible charm and beauty.
I am left with questions, how can I show American Jews that they need Israel, not just that Israel needs us? How can I learn to love the discomfort, which I have, and how can I find the discomfort that pushes me to grow and try new things back in America? How can I share my unconditional love for the complex society that Israel is home to?
I have learned to love the complexities that make this charming society. I have learned to love the discomfort. I have learned to love the sirens and honking. I have learned to love the backwards bureaucracies, because I love Israel Unconditionally.
But, I’m not ready to leave. It doesn’t feel real. In the next week, I will pack up my life again, and move to a new place, I will have new experiences, new friends, new thoughts. But, I will be leaving something so precious to me.
How did these 9 months fly by so quickly?
I remember the pride and joy when I had my first conversation in Hebrew outside School, when I ordered food for delivery in Hebrew, when I read the bills and understood them for the first time. I remember the sense of accomplishment writing my first paper in Hebrew, participating in Class for the first time in Hebrew, understanding an entire lecture in Hebrew. It will be strange to go back to speaking English everywhere. It will be strange to go to the Grocery store and understand the packages, to have a cart I didn’t have to pay for. It will be strange to have a car, not to rely on my own two feet every minute of the day.
So many thoughts to process. So much more to do and see. But time is running out… here I go, making the best of the time I have left. And I know, it won’t be long before I return!

Where Everybody Knows your Name

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Nearly every morning when I wake up, Cheers is on TV, and I eat my morning bowl of cereal while watching one of my favorite shows. Mind you, this show has been off the air in America for a long time, but here, I’m still getting “new” episodes.
But, every morning, I think about the wonderful feeling of walking into a room where everybody knows your name. This year, I have spent a great deal of time learning at both Machon Schechter and the conservative Yeshiva. In fact, I spent the first month and a half that I was living in Israel at the Conservative Yeshiva, and throughout that time, i developed friendships that I think will last a life time. But now, as the year ends, my friends are starting to leave, and the room that was once a place that I would walk into and everybody not only knew my name, but was excited to see me, and me them, will be spread throughout the country and the world. Now, that room is slowly beginning to empty, and I have a twinge of sadness.
I guess this is just another step towards the end of the year. the count down has begun, in the next 2 weeks, I will pack up my room, finish my classes, say goodbye to some dear friends, and head back to America. It is all happening so fast, my head is spinning. there is so much to do.
of all the incredible adventures I have had this year, all the amazing learning, the growing I have done for myself, as a person. Of all the experiences I have had, what I will miss the most is walking into a room where everybody knows my name, where my friends are. And for this experience, I am grateful!