Let the text teach the land and the land teach the tedt, our guide’s motto for how to learn the land of Israel. We began, hiking Ein Gedi, a place of refuge, a place where revelation occured, where biblical figures hid. The blue of the sky, the blue in the depths of the dead sea,and I feel so alive as the fresh, slaty air breezes across my face. The sun warms my back, the water refreshes my soul as I dove into the fresh pool. I feel alive.

At points, it looks as though I could walk across the sea into Jordan, two lands, connected. SO much beatuy surrounds us. Climing Nachal Arugot, we were surrounded by Orthodox school children, Palestinians, Russians, Israelis, Us. We all hiked together, looked out for one another, embraced the beauty of a land that has so much to give. All of us loving, growing, sharing and exploring the same land.

WOW, I AM IN ISRAEL! I am home, I am in the place of my ancestors, I am in a place of so much beauty, driving across a country with so much beauty, splendor, mountains. It almost reminds me of my trip across the country this summer, but this beauty has so much more to offer me. This is where it is at, this is the Land of Israel, flowing with milk and honey, alive and teeming with history.

We sang under the stars, sucking in the sweet desert air, this is what it is all about. A movement united, friends finidng each other, connecting, intertwining our lives. Now, I’ve had the time of my life, as we sang together in our jam session outside tonight. We danced, sang, moved, and enjoyed life together. I feel alive.

Today, Friday, we hiked the desert, the tall mountains at a neck-breaking pace. We ran, stopped, waited, helped each other. And then, we were alone in the desert. Centering prayer alone in the mountains, people smiling, laughing, loving. We prayed together, put tefillin on and had silent reflection. I was alone in the desert of my ancestors, self discovery. We reached the top and can see where four countries come together, Egypt, Jordan, Israel, Saudi Arabia. There are boats, civilization in the distance,s but here, it is desolate, uninhabited, but alive. And hten, a cell phone rings and I am reminded just how modernized our lives are. Could a cell phone substitute for the burning bush? for an angel of God? Revelation, discovery.

We read psalms, took in the beauty fo what God is creating for us, for me. The beauty for me to enjoy. My mind wanders, peace, serentiy, growth, silence, center. I am here, alone, in the place Hagar sought refuge, Abraham encountered God. The wind is strong, embraces me, brings to me the spirit of life, and I thank God for this gift, the wonder, the quiet, the still of the desert. I found my place, in the endless expanse of wandering. The mountains weave into one another, love, passion, Judaism, my place, I have found it, I feel at home.

Last night, I had my second session of the Ta Shma, Rav Siach program for interdenominational learning. The topic was Aseh L’cha Rav, Knei L’cha Chaver, make for yourself a Rav, Acquire for yourself a friend. I have often thought about this verse, but never have been able to understand it’s true meaning. And, i don’t know if I am any closer now that I have studied it. What i do know, is that I have a long way to go before I consider myself a Rav. We listed attributes that we think are essential to a Rav, and I strive towards these each day. I realized that I don’t have one rav, but many ravs. that is to say, I consider many people, friends, rabbis, colleagues, family to be my rav, they have all taught me something in my life time, and I hope I have taught them in return. The action here, is active, MAKE FOR YOURSELF. Go out, find that person, find that one space where you have a Rav. I must go out and make for myself a Rav, and myake myself a rav to the best of my ability. BUT, I am only a rav when someone else makes me their rav, I cannot force this on someone else. I have to wonder, if I will ever become the Rav I aspire to be… I know I am closer, but the journey is still a long one! I love the learning at Ta Shma, and I am meeting some very interesting people who will be my colleagues one day, and perhaps even become my rav!

Today, I had one of those moments where things are starting to click in classes. My talmud class is particularly challenging for me because the Professor doesnt’ speak English, only French and Hebrew. There are also 5 Israelis in the class who, it has become clear to me, have learned to learn Gemara differently from me, and also speak very, very fast. But today, after hours of prep on my own, and review, I understood the entire class, I spoke in class! This was a breakthrough moment for me! In school in general, my Hebrew has improved rapidly, and continues to do so on a daily basis. I am confident in my Hebrew, make announcements in Hebrew, do all that crazy stuff! I am also realizing just how much I don’t know. This happened at the beginning of Rabbinical School, I realized how much I don’t know and how overwhelming it was. It has happened again, only now, i know I have a solid foundation, and I know that I will be abel to use the tools I have learned to find the answers I am looking for.

Today, I had my Ah HAH moment, and it was fantastic. I love the learning, I will need to continue to work hard, but it’s o.k. because I am happy! Hebrew is a fun language, even if i get frustrated sometimes. Israel is a wonderful classroom!! ENJOY, LOVE, LIVE!!

I didn’t realize, however, that I spend a lot of time thinking about people to call to cheer me up. Most of the time, it works, I have my set people! My mom for support, my aunts to make me smile, make me happy, my cousin to make me laugh, and then my friends. I have those set friends who I can always count on, or I thought I could. Sometimes, I guess I don’t realize how distant I ahve become from people until I finally talk to them, and it’s all different. That happened today. I called one of my trusty friends, one of my best friends, or so I thought. And then, mid conversation, after 2 months of not talking, it hit me. I’m the only one making an effort here, I’m the only one who cares if we talk. As much as this person tried to tell me I was wrong, I knew I was right. And it was all sealed when said person hung up on me because they had another call coming in after only 5 minutes of conversation after a 2 month void. I was the one paying, this person wasn’t doing anything that couldn’t be put off. It was just out of selfishness, that after 6 years of sharing our lives together, this person couldn’t give me the 5 minutes i needed as a friend. Maybe I was expecting too much! But, it hurts! It hurts to know that I have to re-evaluate that friendship that means to much to me. I miss my friends!

I guess my heart is too open, and I depend too much on other people. Most of my friends would be there for me, that I know. But I guess I need to re-evaluate my list of calls. I need to reconfigure who I can count on, because clearly that has changed. My heart is fragile, breakable, open and full of love. I think all of our hearts are like this. Too bad more people don’t recognize this!