Author: Eve Posen

Bareka’s with the Ben Yehuda’s and I live in Israel

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Shavua Tov L’kulam, And what a week it promises to be! I have many mixed feelings as we enter into Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. Surprisingly, i have found myself struggling ot find the kavanah, the intetion that i crave for this tiem fo year. It seemed as though i had my best Kavanah last year when i davened with the Neshama Minyan, and have yet to find the same attachment and connection to the davening. This surprises me as i am in one of my most favorite cities, I am in the “holy Land”, the land of my ancestors, the land of Israel. Afterall, I am but a 40 minute walk from the “temple” from the place where the ulitmate sacrifie took place. My first mishnah i learned in Rabbincia l School, Yoma 7 talks about the actions of the kohen HaGadol, the high priest on the days preceding Yom Kippur, and now, I have the visual to actually go to that place, envision it happening, yet there is no Kavanah, i don’t feel different. Perhaps, I am not meant to feel different this year, or perhaps, I am trying too hard, either way, there is nothing there.
I do, however, feel as though I am beginning to make a home here in Jerusalem. As i was walking to shul last night, davening at Yakar, finidng my kavanah and my spirit, i realized that I am in Israel, that i made it, that I am home. I davened in the palce the I used to go to when I was in high school, and my, how I have changed. I have grown, i have become a woman, and I have become more confident in myself. It was strange to be back in a place with so many memroeis, and yet, feel as though I am a compeltely different person. I remember going with my friends, feeling like a rebel wearing a skirt that didn’t cover my knees, proving that I am a woman who can do what she wants. Now, i realize that it is not dependant on my clothing, but rather my attitude. I know myself that I am capable, and it doesn’t matter if any man or organziation doesn’t think so. I know I can do it. As i heard the shabbat siren last night, I was drawn into the awareness that it is Shabbat, that I am in a place that values that day of rest, and I am in a place where I am able to equally value the importance of the day. The entire city rests on Shabbat, there are no cars honking outside my window, rather there is an energy of excitement and relation around me. I feel comforted, i feel at home, i feel at peace.
As i walekd to shul this morning, i realized that I live in Israel. There are some days where i am around so many American’s that it is hard to remember that I am in Israel, and then there are days like Shabbat where it is very clear that I am in Israel, that I am in a place that values Judaism, Jewish values, Jewish living. I walked to Shul, surrounded by so many people who were doing what I am doing, and it was a wonderful feeling!! And then, there are the Ben Yehuda’s. That’s right, the family of Eliezer Ben Yehuda, the man who recreated the hebrew language attends the Masorti Shul I daven at. I lean Musaf today, and while i did a fantastic job for myself, and I am growing as a davener, I was also so excited by the fact that this family was there… I know, I’m strange!
And on that note, there is more reflecting to be done before the night is over. Look for a new reflection or two in the next few days, and keep commenting!! SMILES TO ALL!!

1 MONTH

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I arrived in Israel 4 weeks ago, i have spent 4 weeks here, living on my own, exploring (in a way) my new surroundings and myself. I can’t beleive it has already been a month, and at the same time, it’s only been a month. I embarked on this journey terrified and excited about what lay ahead, and I am now, a monht into it, excited, nervous and energized by the thrill of the journey. I made it here, i survived on my own, I am doing it. A month ago, when I arrived in Israel, i had no idea what to expect, where i would meet people, what i woudl do until school started. And much to my surprise, i found a wonderful new community, some truly incredible people who have become my family. I am amazed at how close people can become after such a short period of time. My firend Jean has been sick lately, so i have spent a lot of time taking care of her, and my other new friends matt and Jenn have been life savers in making sure I’m well fed, and having fun. Life is good here in Israel!
This week has been one of self exploration, i have ventured into my soul and tired to open my eyes to what i want to offer the world, and what i want to take from the world this year. More reflections on that will come when Shabbat is not as near!
In the meantime, I have had a few visitors in the apartment. Starting last week with two high school girls who needed aplace to stay for the chaggim and now, my friend and ex-chevruta Josh, is staying with me until he finds a place to live for the year. It is really nice to have someone else in the apartment with me after a month alone. Josh has moved to Israel for the next two years to study at the Hartman Institute. As sad as I am that he is not going to be my chevruta anymore, i am very happy that i will have time to have fun with him in Jerusalem. Last night we went to a bar and met some friends. and aside from having ot give up m free reign of the apartmetn and the bathroom, it’s working out alright! Now, i’m really excited for Aviva, my roommate to arrive in just a few short weeks. And with that, there is more to come, but i must go get ready for Shabbat, and atone for all my sins in my last few days before Yom Kippur. I promise to try to write more before Yom Kippur on Sunday night!
Shabbat Shalom, G’mar chatima Tova, and lots of love from the holy land!

I FEEL LIKE I AM TALKING TO A BRICK WALL

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Yes, that’s right, today, I made my first visit to the Kotel since my arrival in Jerusalem nearly a month ago. And, I must say, it was well worth it. Aside from the obvious frustrations about the inadequate space given to women at the wall, the experience was as memorable as ever. I realized today, that the last time I was at the kotel, I was merely beginning my journey toward the rabbinate. While, I suppose I have been on this journey for a while, today was the first time i had been to the Kotel since I consciously began this journey in the winter of 2004. As I approached the Old City, and specifically the Rova, I was flooded with emotions. I felt in the right place, and also so foreign. While the kotel is a meaningful place for me, the politics and religious fervor that surround the area are not my cup of tea. For me, the experience is one of intense emotions, of connection to my family, my ancestors, the story of my life. I think back to the first time iw as at the Kotel nearly 9 years ago, and i think about how different I am now, how much more of an individual I am, how much happier I am, how much more mature and grown up I am. I feel as though each visit to the kotel is another tick mark on my accomplishments and growth as a human being.
The Kotel, the place of the Temple, the place where seven days before Yom Kippur the Kohen Gadol was taken into the sacred space and prepared fro the most holy day of the year. The Kotel where my graandparents tood when they visited Israel, the Kotel, where i sat with my Parents and talked about life. The Kotel, where I knew i would be a rabbi one day… this wall, this brick wall, who has held my tears, my notes, my love for God, has become a wall that supports me, as it supported the temple. And so, another leg of my journey begins, here I stand, at the Kotel, the wall, begining my new journey, a new phase in my life, and suddenly, it all seemed clear for one split second, and then I spun back into the chaos, politics and frantic pace of life in Eretz Yisrael, my life… moving in and out from a brick wall.

The Chicken Died for MY SINS

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Why did the chicken cross the shuk? TO AVOID KAPAROT!! Yesterday, I had the unique opportunity to attend a ceremony and partake of the ceremony at the shuk that is part of the tradition to rid us of our sins during the 10 days of repentance. During this ceremony, one takes a live chicken, swings it over one’s head while saying a series of formulas and prayers. At the end, the chicken is then slaugthered and in this case, given as food to the poor. This was my first time taking part and even witnessing the ancient tradition, and i have to say it was quite amazing. It was wonderful to be able to take part in a tradition that my ancestors had done for so many years, but it was also amazing to have a more physical act of ridding myself of sin than tashlich. I can’t say that it is an experience that I would repeat, as there are definite animal cruelty issues, although it did look painless, but I am glad that I went. This is all a part of my plan to have as many unique and interesting experiences as possible during my time in the holy land. And so, I start the year, sin free… well, at least symbolically!

ROSH HASHANAH in the HOLY LAND

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As I reflect in this update, i am overcome with emotion. I have just celebrated Rosh HaShanah, the begining of the Jewish year in Jerusalem, and I am torn between wehre I am and wehre I want to be a year from now. I was struck by the amount of different feelings and emotions i had this year as i walked to my services, as iate with my new “family,” as I considered my actions and my deeds in the past few days. I was struck by the overwhelming yearning for love in my life, for companionship, and also for health and understanding for those whom I love. This year, i entered Rosh HaShanah feeling a bit scattered, unsettled, in a new place, far, far from home. I ended Rosh HaShanah feeling as thought I have found a place in this new environment, and I am sure I will slowly be able again to find my center.
Rosh HaShanah began this year with my new family. I went to my friend Jenn and Mat’s apartment for dinner on Friday night, along with about 15 other people. Jenn and Matt made an incredible, gourmet dinner, that fileld me up and left no room for any more food. I spent the night singing my heart out, finding a place for my heart to be happy and nejoying the company of my new “family.” As i have now spent three years away from home for the chaggim, i have become muh more dependant on my friends. These friends, many of whom I only met three weeks prior to the chaggim, have become a permanent family for me. I cannot imagine my life without them, they make me smile, laugh and love life. They have shown me what it is to be selfless, and what it is to welcome others into my life. For this, I am truly eternally grateful this Rosh HaShanah.
Another interesting event of this past Rosh HaShanah was walking the streets of Jerusalem. The streets were filled with many different sounds. Form the different services going on around town, and their various melodies, to the greeting of Shanah Tova to one another in the street. Even the bottles of Coke and Diet Coke are adorned with a greeting of Shanah Tova. It is definetly very different being in a place where the city shuts down, one can walk in the streets and feel safe. There was an atmosphere of excitement and anticipation that has enveloped the city and made for a warm, relaxed few days of prayer and growth with my friends.
This year, I also realized just how meaningful the Shofar is. First day was on Shabbat, and so, there was no Shofar blasts to awaken me to my world. I chose to Daven at Kedem, an independant, egalitarian minyan that resembles the Pico Egal minyan I am a part of in LA. It was wonderful to be a part of a minyan where everyone was serious abou ttheir davening and worked towards achieving a personal space of the utmost holiness. While this was moving, and enlightening, the lack of a sermon and a Shofar made for a very hard time finding something to really drive me. While it was nice to have services start at 8am, have kiddush at 11am and finish at 1pm, there was most for surely something missing. Second day, the Shofar blew me out of the water. I deaveneed at Morsehet Yisrael, a masorti (conservative) shul. While the services were much less meaningful than the day before, the blasts of the shofar awakened me and allowed me to fully enter into a personal space of renewal and growth this year. I found myself alarmed and captivated by the sounds of the shofar, it’s piercing blast, and the call to my senses. It was the moment i heard the first blast that goosebumps appeared on my arms, and my entire being was brought to the awareness that this year is special, this is the year for change. Now, I only hope that I am able to reach that special place.
And so, living in Israel, in Jerusalem for the begining of the year has proved to be quite the experience. I am here, emotionally and spiritually, and I am ready for what ever change might come my way! As my high school principal would say: “Make it a great day or not, the choice is yours!” “Make it a great year or not, the choice is yours!”