I’ve seen the embarrassed looks on parents’ faces.  The ones that wish they could be anywhere but here with their child, young or old, who is throwing the temper tantrum of the century.  The child is screaming, crying, often kicking or hitting their parent.  What is it about? Perhaps not wanting to get in the car and leave, or not wanting to get out of the car and stay.  Sometimes it is because the child simply doesn’t want to do anything, maybe from over exhaustion.  Whatever it is, I’ve seen it and experienced it as a teacher, and as my mother can tell you, I was that child at times too.  Most children are stubborn by nature and occasionally rebellious.  Whether it starts in childhood with a tantrum or as an adolescent or teen with missing curfew, or even just talking back, parents are tested to their limits by their children.

Parents, you are not alone. As far back as the Torah, we see incidents of children rebelling against their parents or authority figures.  Korach rebels against the nation, wanting to have his moment as leader, and Aaron’s sons get into trouble when they take matters into their own hands and offer strange fire to God, causing their death.  This issue goes back to one of the fundamental aspects of leadership – parental or otherwise.  Adults are meant to teach their children through actions and words what is expected of them.  We are supposed to be role models, in Hebrew doogmaot, of proper behavior and etiquette.

This week, parshat Ki Tetzei shares a number of laws to govern society.  We receive laws about war and taking care of hostages, laws about our clothing, laws about family relationships, parents and children, taking care of the poor and so much more.  Ki Tetzei is actually the Torah portion with the most number of mitzvot within it, but the recurring theme is the issue of a stubborn and rebellious son. 

Here’s the situation in chapter 21:18-21:

“If a Man has a stubborn and rebellious son, who will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and who, when they have chastened him, will not listen to them; Then shall his father and his mother lay hold of him, and bring him out to the elders of his city, and to the gate of his place; And they shall say to the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.  And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die; so shall you put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.”

What starts out as a typical incident – parents asking or telling their child to do something and the child rebelling – turns into a trial by the community and death.  That’s a significant consequence for your children: do as I say or else! 

Have no fear, the Talmud reads these verses and the punishment within them with such a narrow interpretation of what they mean that it could never happen.  One way they did this was to let it apply to a case where both father and mother were present and shared a common set of values.  But when reading this text, the commentator Ibn Ezra of the Middle Ages picks up on “will not obey.”  Reading this as implying that the parents tried to teach the child and did not ignore or excuse the child’s behavior, he teaches that the son can be charged only if his parent’s behavior has been exemplary; otherwise, they have no right to bring accusations against him. 

The bigger lesson is that we have a responsibility to live our lives true to our beliefs and values.  When we model this style of living, our children will learn from it.  Think about the times you tell your child to eat healthy when you find yourself skipping a meal or needing sugar or caffeine to get through the afternoon.  Or when we reprimand children for using technology too much, only to spend our evenings on our various devices.  When we espouse one value and then do another, we set ourselves up for a fight.  By teaching what we actually believe, we limit these moments of dissonance.  That does not mean that the tantrums will suddenly disappear, but when we engage in a relationship with one another that is based on morals and that models appropriate behavior, our children will heed our words and our fights will be for the good of the world, not for 5 more minutes of TV time.  The Torah teaches that it’s important for parents and teachers alike to remember that behavior management has to start with us. Just as Gandhi encouraged us to “Be the change . . .” let us challenge ourselves to be the good.

ללמוד  To Learn ללמד  To Teach: we are all life-long learners.  Pick up a book to further your learning, whether on Judaism like Rashi’s Daughters, or Jewish Literacy, or on parenting likeBlessings of a Skinned Knee, or Blessing of a B-, we can all benefit from further learning.

לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Remember that your children are watching you to gain clues on how to behave, think, believe.  Discuss with your children your beliefs, ask them about their own.  Spend one night every two weeks talking to each other about what is happening in the world and what it teaches us about how we should act. 

When I was a kid, troll dolls were the in thing; little did my friends and I realize the trolls made their first fad appearance when my mom was a teen.  The highlighter yellow t-shirts and neon clothes our eighth graders sported in Israel are a throwback to the 1980s.  Even bell-bottom blue jeans made their come back in the 1990s, and now the Smurfs have resurfaced into popular culture with their new movie.  If you take a look around you at any given time, it seems that just as the seasons go round and round, so do the trends in fashion, food, and music. Even education theory continues to shift the balance of experiential learning and lecture style.  Yes, it seems that in all things in life, what once was old becomes new again, and yet we constantly struggle to keep up with the trends, to remain modern and “with it.”

One of the most beautiful elements of Judaism is knowing that the Torah, the book from which it all began, is a living document.  While the events occurred long ago, the content can be understood and is relevant to our lives today almost as though it was written for us in this exact moment.  The beauty of studying Torah year after year is that the words and meaning offer something new based on our life experiences.  This week we read parshat Shoftim, in the middle of the book of D’varimwhich outlines our legal system, the responsibilities of judges and prophets, punishments for witnesses and more.  The Torah recognizes that the legal system and those in charge of it must be hip to the times.

Chapter 17, verses 8-9 teach “If a case is too baffling for you to decide, be it a controversy over homicide, civil law, or assault – matters of dispute in your courts – you shall promptly repair to the place that the Lord your God will have chosen, and appear before the levitical priests, or the magistrate in charge at the time and present your problem…” These verses set up a legal system in which the judge’s word is the final word regardless of the judge who preceded them or comes after them according to the legal commentary the Sifrei.  The text focuses on the words “at that time,” meaning that the judge must be in tune with the times, knowledgeable on today and the context of crimes within the society.  Only a judge that lives in our modern world can understand how to apply the law today. 

Expanded, the Torah, as a living document, teaches that it is the essence of the law that impacts our society today.  The tag line of the conservative movement is “Tradition and change,” which speaks to a movement that is steeped in the tradition of Judaism from across time, but able to understand religious practice in terms of our ever morphing modern society. 

The Judaism of today is exactly like that of yesteryear, and at the same time completely different because it is guided by our need to meld modern society with our inheritance. Parshat Shoftimreminds us that Judaism is a living religion that moves with us throughout our lives.  For example,Shabbat teaches us to value rest, so while it might not make sense to us to refrain from plowing our fields, it certainly makes sense to have a day when our technology is turned off and we’re tuned into our families and restful sensibilities.  Likewise, kashrut may not make the most sense to modern culinary sensibilities, but it reminds us that we should be conscious of all we put in our bodies.  Living Jewishly is living in modernity. Our challenge is to hold onto our values in our modern world.

ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: Learn one new brachah to be said over your food.  If you shop for whole grains, organic products, adding a brachah can only enhance your conscious eating.  Find thebrachot for food on page 708 of Siddur Sim Shalom

לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Parents, go through an old photo album with your students – perhaps from your bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah if you had one. Let your students identify what styles and tastes have changed and what has remained the same.

There are Jewish populations in every corner of the globe. As Rabbi Larry Milder tunefully teaches, “wherever you go, there’s always someone Jewish.” But the question we have to ask ourselves is how do we keep Judaism from becoming diluted when its people are so spread out?

This week we read Parshat Re’eh, deep in the heart of the book of D’varim.  This section of Torah is rich with commentaries on daily living and guidance for how to act.  The multilayered parshahbegins with a warning about rewards and punishments with blessings and curses and then moves on to focus on a central place of worship that is appropriate for the Israelites.  The text also warns us of false prophets, guides us in our eating practices, teaches us how to take care of one another and explains how to celebrate the Shalosh Regalim, the three pilgrimage festivals of Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot. 

The overarching theme of the parshah appears to be establishing both a way of life and a connection to one another.  Concerned about the spreading out of the Israelites and the influence the other nations might have on their culture, God instructs them in chapter 12 saying, “Do not worship the Lord your God in like manner, but look only to the site that the Lord your God will choose amidst all your tribes as his habitation to establish his name there.”

The Torah recognizes that the Israelites are living in a world with other religions and that these religions might have an influence over the ways that the Israelites worship.  The other nations had altars and ritual grounds scattered throughout the country; wherever they needed a place to connect with their god, they set up an altar.  In a certain sense, we see this happening with the Israelites throughout the Torah too.  Altars are set up along the route in sefer Bereshit as God’s presence is made known throughout the journey.  But now, God wants there to be one unified location for sacrifice to God. 

The timing of this moment makes sense.  It could only happen after the Israelites arrived in their own land.  As they journeyed through the desert, they were one people in one location, but as they settle in their land, the people will spread far and wide, and the unity felt at that moment might never again be reached.  God’s commandment is religious insurance that at least three times a year (Shalosh Regalim), the people will come together. 

When they occupied one region, this sounded like a reasonable plan.  But what happens when the Israelites are exiled? Or when they start to live too far away to make the journey?  And how far is too far from the one place that Adonai has chosen?  Ancient rabbis shared their thoughts: perhaps “too far” meant outside the Temple court or a journey of more than three days.  But maybe a question more appropriate for us today is how can we stay connected?  In our time, it isn’t so much the place that matters, but connectivity and relationships. 

Today’s society has become more and more connected. We’ve gone from “leave a message after the beep” to being able to instantly reach people through a dozen different methods. Now we can text, tweet, email, call a mobile phone and more. In fact, we’re finding it increasingly more difficult to go “out of range” where technology will not work and someone would actually need to leave a message.

There are several lessons to learn here.  Like the Israelites who knew their compact, united community was about to spread and were given a central location to connect with God and each other, we still need to make our physical places count.  Now that families can be separated by oceans and still Skype face to face, taking the time to actually be in the same location where we can make physical contact is more important than ever. On the other hand, without the possibility of a Jewish religion reunion (even if we could find a hotel big enough, the catering would be crazy), we have to find ways to reconnect with God and our traditions. Whatever the Makom – the place – may be, our challenge is to make the place count. Staying connected to people has become easier and easier. May we strive to make the same enthusiastic effort to “like,” “follow,” and spend some much needed FaceTime with our beautiful tradition.

ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: our families are often spread over the globe.  Search your family tree, see where you have relatives.  If you find that your roots were in a country that speaks a new language, learn to say “Hello” in that language.  

לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Start once with a day without technology, Shabbat or another day.  Use that day as one to reconnect with the people you live with, in person.

“All you need is love.”  The popular Beatles song posits that all you need is love, and if you are loved you will learn how to be yourself and save others as you make your way through life.  In a certain sense, it’s true; without love it is difficult to move forward, to blossom and grow into a successful, active and productive member of society. 

This week’s parshah, Eikev, teaches this principle in a different light.  The text maintains “And if you do obey these rules and observe them carefully, the Lord your God will maintain faithfully for you the covenant that he made on oath with your fathers: He will love you and bless you…”  It seems simple at the outset: all you need is love, and so if you follow the mitzvot and the path that God has set before you, you will receive this love, and from this love will come abundance of land, crops, blessing and more for your family.  Over and over again in the parshah, we’re reminded that the Israelites’ relationship with God is not based on fear of punishment or hope of reward, but rather on the fundamental idea that we follow the mitzvot because God loves us, and we take pride in doing something for the one that we love.  

While this section of texts continues with different references to the history of the Israelites and even contains in it the second paragraph of the Shema, it also focuses on this idea of need.  While it is a lofty and romantic idea that we can live through love alone, we also know that we have higher order necessities in life.  One of these necessities is food, but the text teaches in chapter 8, verse 3 that “He [God] subjected you to the hardship of hunger and then gave you manna to eat, which neither you nor your fathers had ever known, in order to teach you that man does not live on bread alone, but that man may live on anything that the Lord decrees.” 

While love is an emotional need, human beings all require physical sustenance in order to survive.  This text is teaching us that perhaps there is more to our physical order, but that our spiritual, emotional and physical needs must all be in sync for us to maintain a life of blessing.  We see the Israelites constantly complaining to Moshe and to God about their lack of food and water, and in their cries, the astute reader notices that they are also emotionally malnourished.  They cry out because they remember a time in Egypt where it didn’t seem too bad.  They have a need for stability and for trust.  They are a people that came out from a situation where love was lacking and faith was dwindling.  The text in Parshat Eikev reminds us that we cannot live on the physical alone, and it is our spiritual appetite that pushes us to search for a deeper meaning in our daily lives.

The text also gives us a formula for ensuring that we take note of the moments when our appetite for love, food, learning or other cravings are satiated.  In chapter eight, verse ten the text teaches:

י וְאָכַלְתָּ וְשָׂבָעְתָּ וּבֵרַכְתָּ אֶת ה אֱ לֹהֶיךָ עַל הָאָרֶץ הַטֹּבָה אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לָךְ:

“And when you have eaten and you are satisfied, and you blessed God, your God for the good of the land which He has given you.”

This verse is the basis for Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after meals, because it teaches that after we have satiated our hunger for good, it is necessary to thank God.  Being able to thank God here requires faith in the land that God has created, faith that the rain will come and the land will continue to produce crops.  We are constantly reminding our young ones to remember their “please” and “thank you,” and the Torah does the same for all of us.  While food sustains our physical needs, it is the blessings of abundance, of thanksgiving and of faith that move us through life.

ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: Visit our website www.levineacademy.org to learn how to reciteBirkat HaMazon, the blessing after a meal. Practice makes perfect.  Continue working on your please and thank yous.  We learn through modeling, this week make an extra effort to thank those who help you.  The notion of blessing is a lofty one.  Try this week to say thank you as a family for the nourishment you receive in the form of food, shelter and love. 

לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  visit a local food pantry and make a delivery of needed supplies so that others can partake of the Mitzvah to bless and thank God for sustenance.