Author: Eve Posen

While Supplies Last – Parshat Toldot 5772

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What happens when something is in short supply? Economists suggest that demand increases. And in today’s consumer culture, lessons of supply and demand are endless.  From sports tickets to the latest iProduct to even Passover food on the grocery store shelves, the lesson of buying early is one quickly learned.  And then of course we have to ask ourselves what does our “scarcity” mean next to the short supply of food and resources we see in so many other parts of the world?
This week we will read parshat Toldot, which illuminates the intricacies of the relationships between Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Esau.  The parshah begins with the birth of the twins, Esau and Jacob.  Right off the bat, we learn that Isaac and Rebekah had difficulty conceiving, and when the children in her womb argued, she wondered “If this is so, why do I exist?”  From the outset, we know there will be trouble, quarrelling, questioning.  At their birth they are named based on their characteristics: Esau emerged red, and covered in hair, while Jacob emerged holding onto the heel of his brother.  The description of the birth of these twins is important because according to theTorah, the first born child receives a special blessing.  In this case the first born, Esau, is supposed to receive the blessing from his father, a blessing for him to be the master over his brothers, and to be the blessed one. 
The scarcity we see in parshat Toldot is the scarcity of blessings.  Rebekah knows that Esau is supposed to receive the blessing of the first born, and in her mother’s intuition sees that Jacob would be better suited for this role.  Jacob spends his time trying to “win” the blessing from his brother, Esau.  Isaac also can’t imagine a world in which two children receive blessings, so he is stuck when Esau comes to him for his blessing after the blessing of the first born is already given away.  He responds that there is no other blessing left to give. And not one of the three of them considers that there might be more than one blessing to go around.   The blessing is seen as a limited resource.
It is actually Esau, who is not always portrayed in the best light, who seems to have the best perspective on the situation.  While Esau may have been careless in trading his birthright so quickly, he seems to recognize that blessings are one of the few things that can come in abundance.  When he hears that Jacob has received the blessing of the first born, Esau begs for another blessing.  Esau believes that there must be more than one blessing to be given out. 
Perhaps it’s Esau who teaches us the lesson here.  Blessing is what we make of it, so how can it be scarce?  We may not necessarily have the best of everything, or get exactly what we want, but each of us has blessings to give and blessings to receive.  We have a choice in how we view our world. Parshat Toldot imparts that from generation to generation the world might be bumpy and challenging, but there are always blessings, we just have to open our eyes to see them. 
ללמוד  To Learn ללמד  To Teach: the Talmud teaches that we should strive to say 100 blessings every day.  Even in the roughest of moments there is room for blessing.  Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive, what can be learned or taken away from every situation. 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Thanksgiving is a great time to focus on our blessings.  Check outhttp://freedomsfeast.us/index.html for some creative and meaningful ways to get the most out of the thanksgiving experience. 

Where Everybody Knows Your Name – Parshat Chayei Sarah 5772

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I’ll never forget my first trip to Israel.  I was in 10th grade, and I went on the Ramah High School program for a semester.  I remember landing in Israel and feeling a rush of emotions as I realized the history of the land I had just entered.  I had always been told that this was my land, the land of the Jewish people.  I wondered if it would feel like it was mine.  Shortly after I arrived, we settled into our dorm and began classes, trips and exploring.  As I soaked it all in, the land did feel like mine and I had an instant connection, but at the same time, I still felt a little out of place.  I wasn’t Israeli and I had no family there, so on weekends when other kids would visit their family, I would feel left out, like this wasn’t my land at all.
I imagine that this feeling of being at home and yet not being settled is a common one.  These days people are constantly on the move and settling in new places.  The same holds true for the patriarchs and matriarchs in our Torah.  In this week’s parshah, Chayei Sarah, we find Abraham in this same predicament.  The narrative continues with Abraham finding a wife for Isaac, Isaac marrying Rebekah, and Abraham’s death.  But what happens at the very beginning of the text is the death of Sarah and Abraham needing to find a place to bury her.
Abraham and Sarah are living in the land of Canaan, the land that God had promised him, but they are not native to this land and are living as liminal people.  Abraham recognizes this as he proclaims in chapter 23, verses 3-4.  “Then Abraham rose from beside his dead, and spoke to the Hittites, saying, ‘I am a resident alien among you; sell me a burial site among you, that I may remove my dead for burial.’”  Abraham is described as ger v’toshav, literally, a “stranger and a dweller.”  These are two opposite identities that come together in this moment for a singular notion.  The underlying reason that Abraham mentions this is because as a non-resident, he cannot purchase land.
What lurks behind Abraham’s statement is his own uncertainty about his standing in the community.  At this moment he makes a jarring transition from being a husband and part of a couple to being on his own.  For the first time in the Torah, Abraham is without his partner, and the land that he is living in feels foreign to him.  Abraham is fearful that with this new status, those who’ve known him all along will see him as other, alien and different.
The people of Abraham’s community had a choice.  They could have pushed him aside or left him on the outside because he was different.  Instead, they chose to welcome him and accept him as a fellow resident.  They respond in verse 6 by telling him that they admire him, saying “You are the elect of God among us.”  The people with whom Abraham was living didn’t see him as a stranger, they saw him as one of their own.  Their eyes saw what Abraham couldn’t see himself.  Abraham was the one who called himself a stranger and alien, he saw them as different from him, while they saw him as part of their community.
As we move through our lives, we each end up in different positions and hold different statuses.  We can’t expect every place we go to feel as familiar and comfortable as Norm’s bar stool at Cheers. We might find ourselves in a place of radical change and feel very different from everyone else around us.  Or, we might feel like this is our place, but everyone else has changed.  Parshat Chayei Sarah stands as a model where all people were accepted.  When vulnerability was not only recognized, but embraced.  It’s easy to obsess about an uncomfortable situation or about being in a new environment, but consider the example in this week’s parshah, and let us aspire to embrace each other in our vulnerable times.
 ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: this week we learn about the immediacy of burial after the death of a loved one.  The text teaches in chapter 23, verses 3-4 that Avraham did not waste a minute in his grief focusing on himself; rather he immediately focused on finding an appropriate burial ground for Sarah, his wife.  This text teaches us that the human dignity extends not only to the living, but to the dead.  That even in our moments of deepest grief, we must seek to comfort all in our presence.  For more information check out different books on Judaism and mourning such as A Time to Mourn, a Time to Comfort by Ron Wolfson.
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  Too often we shy away from talking about what makes us uncomfortable and how we can make sure others don’t feel the same discomfort.  Discuss with your kids the criteria for creating a welcoming and inviting space?  Also for discussion:  when you’re in a place that doesn’t feel comfortable but needs to, how might you change the feeling of the space?

Watch Your Tone – Parshat Vayera 5772

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“Watch your tone, young lady.”  I remember these words coming as a warning that I was on the fine line between being sassy and being in trouble for it.  The tone of voice we use can tell others exactly how we’re feeling, what’s on our mind, what we think about them and so much more.  When we get excited, our voice might get higher, and when we lie, our voice might go quiet.  When we’re angry we might scream, and when we’re annoyed, our tone might have a certain bite to it.  While the words we use are important, how we say them can tell others so much more about what we’re thinking.
Parshat Vayera, this week’s Torah portion, is chock-full of narrative.  It opens with Abraham after he makes the covenant with God and goes through his circumcision.  He is immediately greeted bymalachim, messengers from God.  Abraham has a choice: he can welcome them and make them feel at home, or he can send them away.  Abraham chooses to welcome them.  Next in the parshah, Abraham has to deal with the fall of Sdom and Amora and save his cousin Lot and his family as these two cities of weak morals come to their own demise.  Later in the parshah, Abraham and Sarah are blessed with the birth of Isaac and have to sort out their complicated family dynamics with Ishmael and his mother.  After Abraham makes a pact with a nearby king, he comes to a moment of testing, both of his faith and his trust.
This section of text is referred to as the Akeidah, the Binding of Isaac.  This is the narrative of God asking Abraham to take his son, his only son, the son that he loves, Isaac, and sacrifice him as an offering for God.  This whole incident is described by the rabbis as a test of Abraham’s faith, but it teaches more about his character.  During this encounter, Abraham uses the same word, Hineini, (“here I am”) three times in response to three different people.  While the text isn’t written in click-to-hear format, we can imagine the change in his voice.
The first time Abraham answers is to God in chapter 22, verses 1-2.  God calls out to Abraham, and Abraham, not knowing what is about to come to him responds, Hineini, “Hey God, HERE I AM!”  One can envision Abraham perhaps hesitantly, but enthusiastically awaiting his next task from God.  Saying  Hineini with this attitude lets others know you are there and ready to step in.  You’re not judging what they might ask of you or placing conditions on what you’ll agree to, you’re simply ready to go.
A few verses later in chapter 22, verses 6-8, we find Abraham on his way to fulfill God’s wishes in offering up Isaac.  He and Isaac are walking together with all the materials necessary for a sacrifice except for the animal to be used.  Isaac, who is possibly every bit as nervous as his father, calls out to Abraham, perhaps with a bit of hesitancy and concern.  Abraham again responds with Hineini.  But this Hineini might lack some of the enthusiasm of the previous one.  Abraham stands up this time, walking with his son, trying to be a calming presence.
The third instance occurs as Abraham has his arm lifted to make the sacrifice. A malach, an angel of God, calls out to him.  Up to this point, Abraham has twice answered calls ready to act and has twice been burdened with their gravity.  It should come as no surprise that this time the malach has to call his name twice before he answers.  Perhaps this time he answers with a bit of a bite in his voice.  “What?! I’m here!”
In our lives, we are constantly being asked to support this cause or that cause, to give money to this organization or that one.  We have families, friends, and jobs that constantly place requests, demands, and constraints on our time.  While we might have once jumped up and said Hineini, here I am, ready to help, maybe we now find ourselves overburdened and annoyed at these requests.  But, if Abraham had ignored that final request, our story would have gone quite differently.  We too have the opportunity to turn ourselves off, or to continue to take responsibility for ourselves and our community, to keep answering the call because it’s the right thing to do.  Just watch your tone.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:
Parshat Vayera is the source text for the mitzvah of Bikur cholim, visiting the sick.  Saying Hineinimeans making sure that those in our community who cannot be physically with us because of treatments or other limitations are still included.  When a classmate, friend, neighbor or family member is sick, make a little extra time to visit them, call them, send a meal or a card as a family.  Include your children in the learning.

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies – Parshat Lech Lecha 5772

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There is a classic debate in the Talmud between Hillel and Shammai over what you say to a bride on her wedding day.  Do you tell her that she is beautiful no matter what she looks like, or are you honest with her because honesty is the best policy?  The debate speaks to what it really means to lie.  In certain circumstances, telling a little white lie might be for someone’s benefit, allowing an individual to move on without causing any harm, ever.  But, there are times when a little white lie can spread out of control, turning into a full-fledged lie that leaves people devastated and relationships ruined forever. 
When we teach the story of the boy who cried wolf, we teach from an early age that lying is bad. It is interesting then that the first time Avraham speaks in the narrative of the Torah, it is a lie that he tells.  In parshat Lech Lecha, we are finally introduced to Avram and Sarai, later Avraham and Sarah, who become the great matriarch and patriarch of the rest of our narrative.  We learn that Avraham follows God with full intent, without questioning, and that Sarah goes with him.  As they approach the land and learn that there is a famine there, Avraham becomes worried about his future and about the safety of his wife.  So, he asks Sarah to tell a little white lie.  Chapter 12 verse 11, the first time Avraham speaks, states, “As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are.  If the Egyptians see you, and think, ‘She is his wife,’ they will kill me and let you live.  Please say that you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that I may remain alive thanks to you.’” 
The midrash Tanhuma, a collection of 4th century writings, suggests that the reason for this lie is that Avraham, after so many years of marriage, took his wife’s beauty for granted until he became aware of how others regarded her.  Another interpretation put forth picks up that in verse 10 the text tells us that Avram went down to Egypt, telling us not of his direction, but rather the moral level of that society was lower, and so Avraham too lowered his morals to fit in.  What bothers me is that each of these explanations makes excuses for Avraham’s lie.  He is clearly looking out for himself and trying to make sure that he survives, but this lie puts his wife in danger and his own life at stake.  Later, when the king takes Sarai and horrible repercussions follow, Avraham is called out on his lie and forced to tell the truth. 
The fact is, Avraham lied, and the lie had consequences.  But, what it teaches us is that even Avraham who was chosen by God to become the father of the Israelite nation was not perfect.  There is room for learning and room for growth.  Avraham was not yet at the point where he had absolute blind faith in God.  He was still growing in his relationship with God and and growing as a human being.  We often fall into the trap of holding our leaders to a higher standard, and in a certain sense, it is true that we want our leaders to be truthful, trustworthy, wise and honest, but we must remember that all of us stumble along the way as we figure out the world.  Avraham made a mistake; he lied, but found his way back to the path of truth and faith in God.  None of us can expect to be perfect; real righteousness, real leadership means recovering and learning from our stumbles and allowing others to do the same.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: When a figure like Avraham is caught in a lie it brings of questions of leadership and values.  When talking about these issues with your kids it is often helpful to have many different opinions.  Visit Jewish Values Online,http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/, a wonderful website that has an archive full of answers to questions on values.  Each question has an answer from a reform, conservative and orthodox viewpoint. 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  The text teaches in chapter 13, verse 2 that Avraham was very rich.  The Hebrew word used for “rich” here is Kaved, which means heavy or burdened.  The text continues to teach that Avraham needed to unload this burden in order to live off the land.  Giving Tzedakah means giving of yourself to help lighten the load someone else might be carrying.  A tradition teaches that to do this, every week right before Shabbat we should take the change from our pockets and give it to our Tzedakah box.

Guilty Pleasures – Parshat Noach 5772

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I love junk food.  The sensation of biting into a warm, freshly baked, chewy chocolate chip or peanut butter cookie is ecstasy for me.  The way the dough just melts in my mouth leaves me craving another bite.  And then there is the crunch of a perfectly fried French fry, dipped into any of a multitude of sauces.  Or a nice, juicy hamburger with a perfectly grilled bun and onions grilled just right on top.  If I’m having a bad day, just put any one of these foods in front of me and my day will instantly improve.  I’m certain that we all have our comfort foods, drinks or activities, the “go to” vice after a long hard day when everything seems to be depending on you. 
As with everything in life, moderation is key.  If you have everything in moderation, there will be no problems.  A recent study by Health Magazine lists 10 common vices that Americans have and how each one is actually good for you . . . in moderation.  Drinking a glass of wine, eating a piece of chocolate, sleeping in, playing hooky, massages, coffee, full fat dressing, gender-specific nights out, and more were found to have a positive effect on daily living, when used in moderation.  
This week we read parshat Noach, which tells of the evil impulses running rampant in society, Noah’s building of the Ark, a covenant with God through a rainbow and the building of a tower to approach God.  Noah is the man in charge.   He receives God’s call to build the Ark and the call to put his family and pairs of animals on this Ark.  And, when the flood waters have subsided, he is supposed to regenerate the earth and be in covenant with God.  One can imagine this to do list and the weight of responsibility here sitting heavily on Noah’s shoulders.
But even though Noah is chosen for the job, he isn’t perfect. Noah has his vices as well.  The text teaches us that Noah, as he came out of the Ark, was not only the father of three sons, and not only the one responsible for accepting the covenant with God, but Noah was also the first to plant a vineyard.  We learn in chapter 9, verses 20-21 that “He [Noah] drank of the wine and became drunk, and he uncovered himself within is tent.”  Noah was a man who enjoyed a nice glass of wine after a rough day, but in this instance, he over indulged.  Perhaps Noah found himself alone or burdened with guilt that he survived the flood.  Whatever the case may be, Noah turns to wine and in turn is discovered by his sons, leading them to act immorally and cause shame not only to themselves, but to Noah as well.
Moderation.  The Torah teaches us that there is always a need for balance.  When the people are behaving only on the side of evil, God wipes them out, working to start over again.  And when the people build a tower to reach God, they are reminded that there is a difference between belief in God and wanting to be God.  Here too, while perhaps a moment late, Noah learns that a little wine is acceptable, while too much causes problems. 
Judaism is a religion that appreciates celebration and marks time with pleasurable things: delicious cakes for the holidays, a sip of wine for Kiddush, making a l’chaim at a momentous occasion.  But, each of these is also marked with community, family and moderation.  We can have as many pieces of apples and honey and cake at Rosh HaShannah as we want, as long as we endure the eight days of matzah later on.  Let us work to find and maintain the balance in our lives so that our joyous times are distinguished from our tougher times, making both that much more meaningful.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד To Teach: We all struggle with finding the balance between our daily lives, family, technology and a myriad of other things.  Think about your own life and where you’d like to achieve greater balance.  If you’re thinking about balancing mitzvot, consider It’s a Mitzvah by Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson.  If you’re looking for balance in meditation or time to cool down, tryThe Busy Soul: Ten-Minute Spiritual Workouts from Jewish Tradition by Rabbi Terry Bookman.  If you’re looking for time management, try 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (He also has a version for teens). 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Balance is often about knowing your limits.  If you’re feeling off kilter in your home, or notice your kids slipping towards one extreme, sit down together and discuss this.  What does a balanced day look like?  How do you achieve balance in your own family life?  The best way to teach moderation and balance to our kids is to model it ourselves.