A letter…

It has been four months since you took your last breath in this world and I miss you now more than ever. I am filled with wonder, what would you tell me now, what would the emails have said, would my grades have been better, how could you have helped me through this semester. I wonder how you would have enjoyed the material I am learning, what great brainstorms we would have had. How much of this did you already know? How much of this would excite you? I miss hearing your voice and your gentle but forceful words of encouragement, of support and of love. I wonder what you are doing, how you are filling your days. Do you miss us? Can the soul miss someone or something? Are you watching me?
Sometimes I wish I could feel your presence, I crave the knowledge that you are always with me, but I want it in a physical sense. I am constantly searching for you, trying to think of what you’d say to me, how you would phrase something. I try to remember the fun we had together, the learning we did, and then I try to think about how you’d respond to my problem or challenge of the moment. I try to bring you into my everyday, I try to hold you close and never let you go. I try to ground myself with the roots you gave me, and spread my wings to soar into a new place, and unknown place that terrifies me.
Daddy, I miss you every day. I think of you and your smile, and the joy I brought you, and you brought me. I am broken hearted, some days I am empty, taken over with the grief and sadness i feel when I remember you won’t answer your phone. I wonder if you were ready to go, I wonder what you wanted to do that you never got to accomplish, and can I do it for you? How can I honor your memory? How can I share the great man that you were, that you are to me?
You probably already know these things, what I’m thinking, what I miss, what’s going on.
Daddy, I want you to know that I am o.k., that I am trying to smile again. I, your “beautiful redhead” am trying to make it through, taking it one day at a time, some times minute by minute, but I will go on, I will make it through. I want you to know that I will never forget you, and that now, as I find your letters and tapes, we are having some incredible conversations. I want you to know how much like you I am, how much I admire you and love you.
Daddy, I love you and wish you were here, and Daddy, I’m glad you are at peace.
Alright Daddy, time to go take my final final of the semester, I’ll write more to you later!

מותק איב

One thought on “A letter…

  1. marnie December 18, 2007 / 2:58 am

    So beautiful, my dear. {{{hugs]]]


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