New Year?!?!

It appears I’ve made it to another stopping point, another breaking point, to the near end of another year. 2007, a year I most certainly will never forget. And, what a year it has been. From the beginning with a fantastic night with my friends in Jerusalem, staring out over the Knesset and taking in the beauty of that wonderful country. To trips to Petra and all over Israel, discovering myself as I discovered the land that I love so much. From the friendships made and broken, the new experience it has been an incredible year. I want so badly to think of 2007 as a great year, even with all the tragedy that it held for me.
It is amazing how this has probably been one of the best years of my life, and at the same time, the worst year of my life. And yes, I have smiled, laughed and grown more than ever before, but I have also cried, screamed, and hurt more than my share.
Do I want this year to be over? I don’t know. I keep thinking nothing can be worse than this year, nothing can hurt more than losing my daddy and my grandfather. Things can only get better from here, and yet, I don’t know if I am ready to move forward into a new calendar year. My whole way of speaking will be changed, “my dad died last year” I will say. But, i’m not sure I am ready to say that, I’m not sure I am ready to leave this year behind. I had so many dreams and aspirations for 2007, and many of them were met, but so many of them were not and I’m not ready to let go of that just yet.
In a week the calendar will begin again, I will go through the cycle of the secular year without my daddy and papa. And, though I am pretty sure it won’t be as hard to celebrate this as it was for Rosh HaShannah, but it will be hard. I won’t be receiving a silly email in my in box from my daddy, his voice won’t be on the other end of the phone when I call home to wish my family a happy new year. I will begin my first calendar year without my daddy, with a new sense of family.
In a few days, the new year will begin, and my resolution is to make it through the year, to find myself as I am today, and grow into that new self!
May this new year bless all of us with health and happiness, may we live and love like there is no tomorrow and make the best of today, because we never know what tomorrow will bring.
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