The Company You Keep – Parshat Re’eh 5780

Life as a rabbi can be hard. Life as a parent can be hard. Life as a woman can be hard. Put them all together, and it makes for a fairly challenging journey at times. 

While this is my personal combination of life experiences and identities, we all have some combination of struggles and challenges we’re facing at any given moment. There are times for all of us when our particular combination makes balancing everything more difficult. Like everyone, I have good days and bad days, and, like everyone, it never fails that when I’m struggling with something in one aspect of my life, other aspects are affected too. Why is it that work always seems to escalate when my children are at their neediest?

It’s in these moments – when everything piles up at once – that I’m grateful for my “village.” My village is a tight-knit circle of friends who have similar life combinations and understand exactly what it’s like to be where I am. Most are working mothers, and some are rabbis too. This village of women is present for me at my highest of highs, and they let me sit in a puddle of tears in their offices (or virtually now) when I don’t think life can get any worse. They support me through 3 a.m. text messaging sessions and playdates where we try to hide from the kids. They cut out shapes for programs I lead because I can’t do it, and they entertain my children when I’m on my last nerve. This village is the best company I could imagine keeping.

My village does this for me because they know I do it for them. It’s important that we hold each other up; we never tear each other down or criticize (unless we’ve been asked). We don’t judge the messy kitchen, the unwashed hair, or the kid wearing a tank top in the fall. We commiserate and collaborate. Each of us is the village, and the village is us.

In our Torah portion this week, Parshat Re’eh, we learn of the importance of having this type of village to surround you. In our parshah we learn about the blessings and curses that will come with observance (or lack thereof) of the mitzvot we’re given. We receive some final warnings about following the laws against idolatry, laws for keeping kosher, and the importance of treating each other as equals. Finally, we receive some more information on our three pilgrimage festivals. 

As God is listing these rules, a curious section of text about living with idolaters stands out. The text states that all living in the town of idolaters shall be put to the sword. Is this saying that if you live amongst idolaters, even if you yourself are not one, you will be put to death? Again, the village is a representation of you, both positive and negative. 

Whether it’s the beginning of a new nation or a parent teaching a child or a reminder to ourselves about our own friends, the lesson is clear: the company you keep is who you become, for better or worse. How does your village help you be the best version of yourself?

Self Inflicted – Parshat Re’eh 5779


Living with two young kids, I find my life is made up of one lesson in responsibility after another. If you make the choice not to eat dinner, you’ve then made the choice not to have dessert. If you get hurt because you didn’t pay attention to the directions or rules I gave, I’ll feel sad that you’re hurt, and then I’ll remind you that rules are meant to keep you safe.

And it’s not just on the kids; parents have to accept responsibility too. We usually bring after-school snacks for the kids at pickup, but one day Duncan was coming to school straight from a meeting and didn’t have time to run home and grab a granola bar. What followed was a 45-minute tantrum because one child was hangry, and it took approximately that long to then calm down enough to eat and get the blood sugar level back to normal. Learning that our actions have real results is a lesson even adults struggle with sometimes. More often than not, we bring both the good and the bad consequences on ourselves, and there’s no one else to blame.

This lesson is prevalent in the Torah, with God bringing in the final rules and structure to the Israelites on their journey. We read Parshat Re’eh this week, as the Torah races to the finish line of its lessons. In our parshah we learn about the blessings and curses that will come with observance (or lack thereof) of the mitzvot we’re given. We receive some final warnings about following the laws against idolatry, laws for keeping kosher, and the importance of treating each other as equals. Finally, we receive some more information on our three pilgrimage festivals.

In these final laws, God reminds what is essentially a “toddler” nation in chapter 11, verse 28: “And curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the Lord your God, but turn away from the path that I enjoin upon you this day and follow other gods, whom you have not experienced.” Is God responsible for curses that fall upon the Israelite nation, or do the individuals through personal behavior bring the curses on themselves?

As you read the laws of the Torah, you can see they are as much about our relationship with God as they are about our own personal choices. The essence of Jewish law, “love your neighbor as yourself,” is about loving others, but it first assumes that we love ourselves. Our first obligation is to treat ourselves as holy and worthy of respect. On the other hand, when we make choices that lead us off the path of goodness, we receive consequences which might be negative.

This week, the Torah is reminding us that we must own our behavior and understand that our actions have reactions, both good and bad. It’s easy to blame God for the bad things that happen in our lives, but as we head into the month of Elul and the High Holiday season, the first step toward living a new year of goodness and fullness is taking real ownership of our decisions.

Go Unnoticed – Parshat Re’eh 5778


“Out of sight, out of mind” suggests that we’re going through life like infants, with no sense of object permanence, which of course is absurd. I, for one, am never able to fully put things out of mind. Whether it’s craving a piece of chocolate cake regardless if there’s cake nearby or thinking about my family as they are spread across the globe, things that are meaningful to me are never far from my thoughts. To be conscious of multiple things at once can be helpful. It means we can concern ourselves with a refugee crisis even if we go about our daily lives without seeing any refugees. We can care about providing food and water and humanity even if the recipients aren’t in our own backyard.

However, just because we can comprehend something’s existence without seeing it doesn’t mean we can focus on ten things at once. With big, global issues vying for a place in our thoughts, occasionally we’re blind to the issues that are right in front of us. This is completely natural; it’s simply a fact of life that we can only think about so many things at once. The question is, how do we deal with that?

This week, Parshat Re’eh gives us some guidelines for this very problem. In our parshah we learn about the blessings and curses that will come with observance (or lack thereof) of the mitzvot we’re given. We receive some final warnings about following the laws against idolatry, laws for keeping kosher, and the importance of treating each other as equals. Finally, we receive some more information on our three pilgrimage festivals.

In chapter 12, verse 19 we read, “Be sure not to neglect the Levite.” As you may know, the Torah never shares words without some purpose. The Levites were a tribe who had great responsibility in caring for the nation, and at the same time, they were not “among the people” in the general sense. German Orthodox rabbi from the 19th century Samson Raphael Hirsch teaches, “Among a population engaged in farming and raising cattle, such ‘unproductive’ members of society could easily come to be neglected and resented. The people might fail to recognize the vital role of the Levites in their spiritual and moral welfare.”

In other words, the Levites aren’t “productive” members of society when it comes to working the land or feeding the cattle; their productivity is less defined and more difficult to see on the surface. Their role is the moral compass of the people, a job that might be easily overlooked by the general population. Parshat Re’eh and Rabbi Hirsch remind us that just because something isn’t right in front of our eyes doesn’t mean it’s without concern or fails to contribute to society. For a community to succeed, we have to not only fulfill our own responsibilities, but put trust in others to do the same.

Line of Sight


The following is the d’var Torah I shared Friday night, August 18.

You can only look for blessings in curses for so long until you stop and think . . . is this the best use of my time? Should I be spinning my wheels trying to find some good in a bad situation or should I make my own good situation?

This phrase – the blessings in the curses – has a lot of different variations, but I come back to the same question each time. Here’s another version of the same theme. “It could always be worse.” That’s an interesting one. So basically, what you’re saying is you’re waiting for it to get worse. Why would you do that? “Every cloud has a silver lining.” So now in this statement, we’re trying to hide the sadness, trying to distract ourselves from it. Quick, look over here! Something happy! I’m not extolling the glorious virtues of sadness and despair. I’m not saying we should wish for it. What I’m saying is we shouldn’t automatically try to dilute it or write it off by pointing out that it’s not so bad after all. It’s dangerous when we don’t know the difference between what’s good and what’s actually bad.

Recently this bizarre moral ambiguity has been a topic in the news, specifically in political coverage, but let me be clear. This is not a partisan or political issue. It doesn’t matter who it’s coming from – the president, Congress, a teacher, your neighbor – when someone turns a deaf ear to speech that is meant to incite, or when someone confuses words that call for hate with words that call out hate, we have officially blurred the lines between right and wrong.

The difference between right and wrong is a primary theme in this week’s parshah, Parshat Re’eh. Not every issue is black and white of course, but God shows us there is usually a rigid dichotomy between curses and blessings. Parshat Re’eh begins with the line, “See, I set before you today blessings and curses. If you follow the commandments on how to be a good person, then blessings will be there, and if not, curses will follow.” There is a clear path to blessing, and it begins with following the mitzvot, the commandments for ethical and moral living that God sets forth.

And how do we know what’s good? The Torah has examples. The Torah teaches us that loving your neighbor as yourself, and not standing by the blood of your fellow, and restraint from unnecessary violence . . . these are the ways in which we create and uphold moral standards. This is blessing, this is good, and it stands to reason the opposite is bad.

Hillel teaches in Pirkei Avot (no surprise that I love this text):

In a place where there are no people, strive to be a person.

As another translation suggests, in a place where there is no leader, strive to be a leader. Basically, in a place where no one is acting with moral courage or conviction, strive to be that person. Don’t take the easy way out with this pseudo political correctness that likes to suggest that there’s good in everything. There’s not good in everything. Maybe it’s true when you get laid off, because a better opportunity comes your way. Or maybe it’s true when you’re snowed in in Portland, because you end up spending special family time together. It most certainly is not true in the form of moral equivalency, where good and evil must both be appeased. They must not. Not now, not ever.

Re’eh means see. Re’eh . . . it is reminding us to use our eyes to see two paths, blessings and curses, and the vision to know the difference.

Seeking Sadness – Parshat Re’eh 5777


Do you know anyone who’s only happy when they’re miserable? It’s a bit of a paradox; happy and miserable are opposites. “Happy” in this sense really means emotionally fulfilled. I went to a therapist when I was a teenager, and apparently she saw this tendency in me. It’s true – I used to look for the bad so I would have something to be complain about. In fact, this is something I struggled with until my early 20s when I was finally able to realize that seeking out the negative meant I was missing out on the positive. I was searching for something to be upset about instead of celebrating all the good that my life had to offer.

This week we read Parshat Re’eh. In this Torah portion we learn about the blessings and curses that come with observance (or lack thereof) of the mitzvot we’re given. We’re cautioned a final time about following the laws against idolatry, laws for keeping kosher, and the importance of treating each other as equals. Then the parshah provides some details about our three pilgrimage festivals. In general this section of text offers final guidance and laws designed to help the Israelites to be a longstanding and functioning society.

A part of this section has some interesting things to say about authority and how we solve problems. As God is trying to teach the Israelite leaders how to lead, God makes it known that when it comes to crime and punishment, it is not our responsibility to seek out illegal activity, but to simply investigate that which has come to light. Specifically in chapter 13, verse 13 we receive a prohibition from seeking out danger or criminal activity. The authorities are required to investigate only if the crime is reported to them by others. In other words, witch-hunts and entrapment are off limits. Instead, we are to give serious thought to all sides of an issue, use logic, and give benefit of the doubt.

If you’ve been reading or watching the news lately, as I’m sure you have, you’ve probably noticed that logic isn’t always part of the equation. Especially with the help of social media, we find it easier than ever to make accusations not based in fact. Instead, we jump to conclusions based on headlines meant to incite rather than inform. As with anything in life, it’s easy to find what you’re looking for if you look hard enough, and if you subscribe to the theory of confirmation bias, you don’t even have to look that hard.

This week as we read Parshat Re’eh, we’re reminded that looking at the glass as half full or half empty doesn’t just apply to individual circumstances. The mindset we choose affects everything from career trajectory to success in relationships. And yes, there will be bad in our lives and in the world. We’re not supposed to ignore the bad, we’re simply supposed to seek the good first.