30 days

It’s been 30 days since i have seen you, thirty days since you were here with me. 30 days ago you were in my life, you were my life, you were here. 30 days i have cried, missing you, more each day. 30 days have gone by but everything feels so different, so broken, so chaotic. I still hear your voice in my head, smell your scent of cologne and cigarettes, see your face when i close my eyes. I miss you more than i have ever missed before. I am broken, lost in the world, lost without you. So many times I pick up the phone to call you, only to be greeted by your voicemail, and the realization that you’re not going to return my call. 30 days ago you were warm, breathing, in my arms, 30 days ago I held you, hugged you, kissed you.
So, what do I do? how do I go on? Life feels so different for me, but everyone around me is going on like nothing happened. For them, the world is the same, for me, the world is different, lonely, scary, the world is broken, my heart is broken.
30 days, and it doesn’t feel real, I feel like I am living in a dream, a nightmare, this can’t be reality. Only, I know that it is. 30 days gone by without you, daddy…
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