Leading you, Leading me

Recently, I have had a few more opportunities to act as a Shlichat Tzibur, the person who leads the prayer for the community. Aside from doing a presentation today on the halachic basis for women acting as shlichat tizbur, I have been thinking about what it means to me.
When i stand before the community and lead services, I feel a sense of closeness to God that I don’t’ feel when I daven alone. I feel a sense of power, a connection to others, a connection to myself. I love the feeling of standing before a community and acting on their behalf. Even though they are actually able to fulfill this obligation themselves and my presence is nothing more than a symbol, I feel alive.
Perhaps this comes because growing up, I always saw my grandfathers or father acting as the Shaliach Tzibur, and I wanted to do the same. Or because i hear their voices in my head when I start davening. Perhaps it is they rhythm of the words that puts me into a peaceful place, or maybe it is merely because I like to be the leader. I am not sure if it is one, or all of these things, but I love the feeling i have after leading a great service.
I think this goes back to my love of teaching, and the lack of opportunities i have had this year to be a teacher in the formal classroom setting. I have taught my classmates through group presentations, and through sharing my struggles with the circumstances of my life. But I have not been able to feel the joy and love of teaching I feel when I am in the classroom or informal setting really sharing the knowledge and learning from one another.
Regardless of what the feeling is, I love it, and I have missed it. With this, i feel connected to those whose presence is felt through prayer, and not their physical closeness, and with this, I feel connected to the one most high.

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