When God Has Your Back – Parshat Shemot 5774

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Self-doubt,negative self-image, low self-esteem. These issues seem to surface more and more among adults and children alike today.  When was the last time a new challenge or opportunity came your way and your first thought was “I can never do this”?  Or when did you last look in the mirror and instead of seeing a beautiful and healthy human being,you saw only flaws and were quick to point out every imperfection?  Our own negativity creates a vacuum in our incredible potential as human beings and leaves a void in its place.  So why do we let our internal voices put us down?

Our parshah this week, parshat Shemot, which begins the second book of the Torah,illustrates for us how skewed our own perception of self can be.  This parshah serves as the turning point between the leadership of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to that of Moshe.  Shemot leads us quickly through the change in leadership in Egypt as a new Pharaoh who isn’t so keen on the Israelites decrees that all males born should be put to death.  Thankfully the midwives ignore this decree,and Moshe is kept alive.  As an adopted Egyptian, Moshe joins the palace but later learns he’s an Israelite.  He flees out of fear for his life, marries a Midianite woman, and becomes a father. It takes an unusual interaction with God for Moshe to become a leader to his actual people and confront his former grandfather figure with the support of a God he has only recently learned about. Talk about a whirlwind series of events.

Moshe’s infamous call to leadership in the form of a burning bush, as bizarre as it seems, is still not enough to erase the doubts in Moshe’s mind.  He is told he will be the leader of a nation of people and that his life will now be devoted to freeing that nation – his nation- from bondage.  The Torah makes clear Moshe’s thoughts on this turn of fate: “Please, O Lord, I have never been a man of words, either in times past or now that You have spoken to Your servant; I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” Moshe is begging God to pick a different leader.  With his rock-bottom self-esteem, Moshe does not see himself as a leader and makes it a point to elaborate on his flaws.

But God, being God, doesn’t let up.  “Who gives man speech?  Who makes him dumb or deaf, seeing or blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go, and I will be with you as you speak and will instruct you what to say.” It’s an interesting illustration of how it’s not enough for us to believe in God.  God has to believe in us.  God reminds Moshe that even with his perceived flaws, with God’s support, he will be successful.

Perhaps the Torah is trying to teach us that no matter what limitations we see in ourselves, God sees only the possibilities. And we can use that little bit of divine spark within us to prove to others they possess the same potential.

The Ultimate Mitzvah – Parshat Vayechi 5774

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“Could you do me a favor?”  They are probably some of the most dreaded words in the English language.  It only takes the first few syllables before you begin coming up with a list of excuses to get out of the task.  On the flip side, the asker also has something at stake.  Besides the guilt of imposing on a friend’s busy schedule, there’s the realization that at some point you might ask them the same question and they’ll be indebted to you to say yes.  A helping hand can mean the world, but it places a burden on both parties.

The Torah is filled with favors – people helping each other out to get something accomplished.  Think about Abraham buying land for burial or asking Sarai to pretend to be his sister; these are favors that help solve problems for Abraham and Sarah. Joseph interpreting a dream for Pharaoh began as a favor and led to hisgreatness and promotion.

Our parshah this week, parshat Vayechi, the last in the first book of the Torah, Bereshit, teaches us about the ultimate favor asked.  The parshah is centered around the death of Jacob, the blessings he gives to his grandchildren, and the mourning that the brothers do for their father.  It then takes a turn and focuses on Joseph mending the final pieces of his relationship with his brothers.  But the central focus of our text is thedeath of Jacob, the death of Joseph, and what each one asks of his loved ones before he dies.  In chapter 47, verse 29,it says: “And when the time approached for Israel (Jacob) to die, he summoned his son Joseph and said to him, ‘Do me this favor, place your hand under my thigh as a pledge of your steadfast loyalty; please do not bury me in Egypt.’”   At the end of the parshah, Joseph makes a similar request to his brothers.

When Jacob makes this request, he uses the words Chesed v’emet, which I have translated above to mean steadfast loyalty, but they also mean in their most literal sense “true kindness.”  Jacob and Joseph both ask a favor at the endof their lives.  Of course this is adifferent kind of favor.  It isn’t picking up the kids at school or covering a class.  This favor is one that they have no intention of ever paying back to those who perform it for them.  A mitzvah of true kindness is one that has no reciprocal favor anticipated.  This text asserts that one of the only mitzvot that can be defined this way is caring for the dead.  In this case, those who uphold Jacob’s and Joseph’s request understand that there is no tangible reward for this favor.

But the parshah also reminds us that perhaps we shouldn’t wait until our loved ones are gone to fulfill this level of mitzvah, to do something without the expectation of reward or reciprocity.  The name of our parshah, Vayechi, means “and he lived.” Favors can be good, but often come with the expectation of a return.  This Shabbat imagine what it would be like to live in a world where each action was done for its own purpose, not because of what you receive in return, and then challenge yourself to act with chesed v’emet, ultimate kindness.

Take a Chance on Me – Parshat Vayeshev 5774

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How much of life is “right place, right time”?  While some encounters are just one-time meetings with someone you may never run into again, other times a chance meeting can lead to a new job, a new love, or a new path in life.  We call this serendipity or fate.  Most of the time these little chance encounters turn out to be nothing extraordinary, just a regular part of interacting in the world.  Once in awhile a serendipitous meeting can change the course of your life for better orworse, but these larger consequences aren’t clear to us until later.

Our Torah portion this week, parshat Vayeshev, leaves us wondering how our story might have turned out without a particular serendipitous meeting.  We find ourselves in the thickof the Joseph story.   Joseph has two dreams that he shares with his brothers, both of which make them angry with him.  The brothers go out to pasture, Joseph finds them, the brothers decide to sell him, and father Jacob mourns for his “favorite son.”  After this the story takes a turn to focus on Joseph’s brother Judah and the betrayal of Tamar before turning back to Joseph’s life in Egypt, which ultimately lands him in jail.

This sounds like a classic case of sibling rivalry and brotherly hate; however, hidden inside this famous story is the importance of noticing chance encounters. In chapter 37, Joseph is sent out to find his brothers in the field asthey tend to the flocks.  Joseph searches for a while and comes up empty handed when there is a “man who came upon him.”  This man has no name and seemingly comes out of nowhere.  The appearance always reminds me of the man who calls himself Mr. Slugworth from the earlier Willy Wonka movie.  Rambam, the great medieval commentator teaches that the stranger who points Joseph in the direction of his brothers is an angel, sent to make sure that Joseph would not give up on his mission when he could not find his brothers immediately.  This man is never mentioned again in ourtext.

And, had Joseph never met this man, he would never have found his brothers or been sold into slavery, his family would never have followed him to Egypt, and thus there would never have been a new Pharaoh who enslaved the Jews.  If the Exodus had never have happened, the narrative of our people would have been remarkably different.  In the moment, did Joseph orthis man know the impact of their meeting? Probably not.  But looking back on it, it is impossible to toss aside the impact this mystery man had on not only Joseph’s life, but each of our lives as well.

We don’t usually know the consequences and outcomes of the little thoughtless acts of we perform every day.  But reading parshat Vayeshev reminds us that each encounter we have might be one that brings about a change, whether it’s the smile exchanged with a stranger, or the introduction to a future spouse.  Too often we write off these experiences and take them for granted, but if we paid attention to them every so often, we might be surprised with where life takes us.

Breaking Up – Parshat Vayishlach 5774

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Cartoons have a clever way of symbolizing the two inclinations that each of us has within us.  They place the tiny image of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other.  Our rabbis refer to this as the yetzer hatov, the inclination to dogood, and the yetzer harah, theinclination to do evil.  These are considered the primary forces that tug on our consciences each time we are faced with a decision.  Of course,there’s a whole spectrum of emotions that influence our decisions.

Weare lifelong decision makers.  Adam andChavah, the first people in Gan Eden,were faced with decisions.  Chavah had asnake pushing her to make a bad choice, and she chose to eat the fruit of thetree.  Abraham, the first monotheist, isfaced with many decisions, from the choice to listen to God and go to a newland, to deciding between his two wives and sons as Sarah, Hagar, Isaac andIshmael can no longer live together. Esau, Jacob’s older brother, also has to choose between doing what isright and what feels good at the time when he sells his birthright.  Each of these biblical figures has been tornbetween right and wrong, between pleasure and pain.

This week, parshat Vayishlach shows us that Jacob is no different.  Jacob ispreparing to see his brother for the first time since he was forced to run awayafter receiving the blessing of the first born. The imagery leading up to this meeting shows us Jacob torn betweenextremes both physically and mentally. And Jacob must choose between listening to his mother, lying to hisfather, and receiving the blessing as an imposter or holding true to what isright, not deceiving his father, and risk being history’s first son todisappoint his mother.  In this week’s parshah, Jacob is again torn between hisphysical needs and the subconscious fight he has with God as his hip socket iswrenched.  Then finally, we see Jacobhaving to divide his family in preparation for meeting his brother.

Afterhis godly encounter, Jacob’s name is changed to Yisrael, “he who wrestles with God.”  This wrestling is different from thedivisions and fighting we have seen prior with Jacob.  In this part of the text, Jacob makesdecisions not based on his own gain or loss, but based on what will betterserve his entire family.  Jacob is nolonger forced to divide himself between doing what his mother asks and doingwhat he feels is right.  Instead, hemakes his decisions based on what will bring him the most completion.  As he moves his family into two separatecamps, he does this not to save one over the other but to protect themboth.

Decision making can often leave us feeling torn, with thegood inclination on one shoulder and the evil intent on the other.  Our parshah teaches us that while it can be difficult to do the right thing, the wrestling that comes with making the decision is what helps keep us balanced and focused on being true to ourselves.

I May Not Always Like You – Shabbat Yom Kippur 5774

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Friendships are fickle.  They come with restrictions, expectations, and fine lines.  Even the closest of friends know that in order to maintain the friendship, there are some things you just don’t do or say. Family relationships are different.  For better or worse, we don’t usually approach family relationships with the same sensitivity that is sometimes needed to walk the friendship tightrope.  Because of that, family will not always get along, but the familial bond is hard to break.  My mom used to tell me, “I may not always like the decisions you make, but I will always love you.”  It was her way of saying nothing would change our relationship or how she felt about me, even when I made mistakes or let situations get the best of me.

The ten days between Rosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur are called the ten days of repentance, or aseret yemei teshuvah.  In these ten days we are required to take stock of the year and clearly acknowledge what we have done to others that may have hurt them, what we have done that has negatively affected ourselves, and how we have handled our relationship with God.  We are asked to take the necessary steps towards mending these three relationships and to work harder in the coming year to be honest and open in each of them.  But how are we supposed to tackle this lofty task of making 5774 better than 5773?

Maimonides, the Medieval teacher and textual commentator, suggests the following steps:

Maimonides: Mishneh Torah: Hilchot Teshuvah 2:2

ב ומה היא התשובה הוא שיעזוב החוטא חטאו ויסירו ממחשבתו ויגמור בלבו שלא יעשהו עוד שנאמר יעזוב רשע דרכו וגו’, וכן יתנחם על שעבר שנאמר כי אחרי שובי נחמתי, ויעיד עליו יודע תעלומות שלא ישוב לזה החטא לעולם שנאמר ולא נאמר עוד אלהינו למעשה ידינו וגו’, וצריך להתודות בשפתיו ולומר עניינות אלו שגמר בלבו

What constitutes teshuva? That a sinner should abandon his or her sins and remove them from his or her thoughts, resolving in that person’s heart never to commit them again…Similarly, that person must regret the past…That person must verbally confess and state these matters which he or she resolved to his or her heart.

The Rambam approaches this season of repentance with a four-step process for repairing relationships.  First comes removing the evil act or memory from our own thoughts.  Dwelling on the past is never productive in an attempt to move forward.  Second is committing not to repeat the behavior.  Part of maintaining healthy relationships means not developing a bad reputation, and by resolving to never act in this way again, we can move forward with positivity.  Third, Rambam teaches that there must be regret.  Simply saying you’re sorry without regretting the action is hollow and void of meaning.  Instead, we must ask ourselves if we regret our actions, feeling in our core that what we’ve done is wrong.  Finally, we must state these matters both to the person we’ve harmed and to ourselves.

Forgiveness is about ownership.  It means loving yourself enough to admit when you’ve been wrong and loving others enough to know that as human beings we are innately imperfect.  As we enter into these final hours of the season of repentance, the ultimate goal is to examine our flaws not to achieve flawlessness, but to remind ourselves that the love is always stronger than the like.