Author: Eve Posen

On the Brink – Pesach 5768

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Here is the d’var Torah I gave on Friday night at my shul in Farmington Hills, MI. 

Picture this: you’re tired, your feet hurt from standing, walking, waiting. You rushed to get all the cooking done, exhaustion begins to take over, the journey is beginning. For some of you, this might sound like I’m talking about last Friday as you rushed to finish up the preparation for Passover. As tradition has it, tonight, the end of the sixth, beginning of the seventh day of Pesach is the time when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea. After years of hard labor in Egypt, 6 days of walking, they finally reached the point of transition. A plethora of possibilities are before the Israelites, but this is only the beginning.

Tomorrow we read from Parshat Beshalach, the splitting of the Sea of Reeds. This parshah comes on the brink of freedom and the edge of slavery. The Israelites, on their journey, have the ultimate GPS system, a pillar of fire at night and a cloud by day. Through these symbols, God is visibly present for the Israelites, to lead them on their journey.

As the Israelites travel, moving farther away from slavery and closer to freedom, they arrive at the Sea of Reeds, their first obstacle of freedom. If they turn around, the Egyptians, who are in hot pursuit, will capture them and they will return to slavery. If they attempt to cross the sea, they might drown. They stand, awaiting transition, paused in a moment of decision. What to do? The Midrash tells us that Nachshon Ben Ami-Nadav takes a risk, he steps into the water, moves forward, and just as the waters’ depths are nearly over his head, the sea parts, and dry land appears for the Israelites to cross.

Seeing this miracle, the Israelites begin to sing, the Song of the Sea, praising God as their strength, their warrior, the ultimate being.

עָזִּי וְזִמְרָת יָהּ וַיְהִי־לִי לִישׁוּעָה

“The Lord is my strength and song, He has become my salvation.”

What respect and awe the Israelites exhibit to God in this song! They are grateful, amazed, dancing, and singing. And yet, they cross the sea, arrive safely, having seen the Egyptians swallowed up by the waters, and they begin to complain.They want food, water. They want to go back to Egypt, where life wasn’t so hard, where food was easy to come by. Sound familiar? How many of us are waiting anxiously for the end of Passover, for that piece of bread? How many of us complained about the cleaning the preparation?

In Parshat Beshalach, the Israelites experience a continuum of emotions; fear, gratitude, excitement, disappointment, awe, dread, discomfort, and joy. It is a lot to take in for a people so new to freedom. Parshat Beshalach is about finding the balance between these emotions on our journey throughout life.

We stand here, on the brink of our own transition. We’ve cleaned out the chametz, cleaned out the clutter and dirt of our homes. We’ve made it 6 days out on the journey. Passover stands on the balance of rebirth and renewal, will we go back to our old ways, or will we take the leap of Nachshon Ben Ami Nadav? Will we follow the pillar of fire, the light of Torah as we embark on our journey towards Shavuot and Matan Torah? We’ve come far on the journey, 6 days done, we’ve almost made it across the point of no return. Here we stand at the edge of Passover, we’ve done the hard work, how will we emerge?

As Passover comes to an end, as we cross the Sea of Reeds and embrace the freedom that comes with it, may we experience this transition, as not, running way from what was, but running towards what will be. May we be blessed on this journey with foresight. As we enter this Shabbat of transition, may we find ourselves surrounded by the warmth of the pillar of Fire that is Torah, may we be blessed with the strength to follow the sometimes challenging path that leads towards the future.

Shabbat shalom!

Surreal

Eve PosenLeave a comment
it feels surreal, like he’s just in the bedroom, taking a nap. He’ll be up in a minute. At times it’s like this past summer never happened, we’re just the girls, getting ready for passover, he’s just in the next room, preparing himself. and then the seder comes, and he’s not leading it, I am. I expect him to walk in, sit down, and in his own way, lead the seder. I try so hard to live up to his example, to make him proud, to continue the tradition. but i wish, i would give anything for him to lead it again. Did I really do a good job? Did I remember all the pieces, did I do it right? did i add enough of my stuff? did i keep enough of his?
I come home and I expect to see him waiting for me, give me a hug, welcome me home. It doesn’t feel real, but it’s all too real.

8 months

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8 months ago, tomorrow, he died. Tomorrow, I’ll lead the Seder for the first time. I’ll step into his role. His last email to me was about passover, about wanting to lead the Seder together, lead for a new generation, for our family. Last year, I was in Jerusalem, our family was scattered, not tegher for seder. this year, we’re here, but missing a piece. It is hard to believe that 8 months ago my life was so different. And now, i sit here, anticipating another first without him.
I’m sitting outside, on our new deck, taking in the gorgeous Michigan spring- and I feel unexpectedly calm, peaceful. It’s almost like he’s here, lurking, watching over us, making sure we’re o.k. laughing at our mistakes in covering the counters or making the charoset. And who knows, maybe tomorrow night when we open the door for Elijah, the smell of his cigarettes might pour into the room. Who knows!
Here’s hoping I fill his shoes well and make him proud. He’ll still be leading with me, in each of our hearts. As we embark on this journey from slavery to freedom, from clutter to open space, may we be disentangled from the chains of the past and soar freely into the days of our freedom and future.

Renewal, Rebirth, Remember – Pesach 5768

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A year ago, you were here, you both were here. A year ago, life was normal, comfortable, safe. I was in Petra, enjoying life, taking in the beauty of the world, amazed by the wonders of God’s creations. You were in Detroit, celebrating your birthday, your anniversary, your life. Little did we all know within a matter of months, this life would be different.

This year, I prepare for Passover without you, without your support, energy, enthusiasm. This year, my passover cleaning is more about cleaning out the emotions, taking stock of how I feel, and the space you filled is ever more present.

Spring is about renewal, rebirth, and all I can do is remember. Remember what was, what I miss, what will never be again. I remember years past, years of love, happiness, joy, laughter. This year, there will be no birthday phone call to you, daddy. This year, there will be no anniversary call to papa. This year, I am here, last year, I was in Jerusalem. Last year, you prayed we would be together again, you asked on God’s will to lead a seder with me again. This year, we know this will never be the reality. While I will carry you in my heart, you will be there, you won’t be there for a panicked moment before the seder to remind me of the kiddush nusach, you won’t be there to argue with, to smile with my learning, to guide me. This year, when you tell your child on that day, you won’t be there to tell me, you won’t be there to bargain with for the afikomen.
This year, my rebirth is as a new person, a daddy’s girl learning to live without her daddy. This year, we remember not only our going out from Egypt, but the loss of another generation at our seder table. This year, we welcome in, not only Elijah, and all who are hungry, this year we welcome in the spirit, and memory of another generation who has returned to the dust of the earth. This spring, the regrowth isn’t just within nature, it is within ourselves, the healing of a broken heart.

This year, I am a slave to memory, a slave to mourning, a slave to my heart. This year, I go out from my own slavery, into the world anew, a world I don’t know. I am a slave going into freedom, I am experiencing an exodus. I am scared, sad, confused and afraid…

The MeaningS of Life

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This past Shabbat I spent the weekend on a retreat with high school students delving into the possible meanings of life. Is it community? personal talent? prayer? wisdom? Friends? Education? How do we make our lives meaningful? What is the sign of a meaningful life?
At the same time, I have been listening to my father’s Eulogy. What did I say about him, who was he, how will he be remembered? What did our rabbi say about him, how was he perceived outside the family? What was the meaning of his life? And then, there is that moment of worry, what is the meaning of my life, how will I be remembered? How do I want to be remembered?
7 months have gone by since I first heard my dad’s eulogy, since I first thought about how to remember him, how I wanted to share his life with those who came to the funeral, how I wanted to share this incredible bond I have with him in the collective memory of my community. Each time I listen to his funeral service, I am proud and sad. Sad that he is lost in our world, that the work he was doing will never be completed, sad that his beautiful smile and loving soul will only live on through memory, not physicality. And at the same time, I am proud, proud of who he was, proud to call him my father, proud of how I memorialized him, proud of all that he did in the world. Is this how he wanted to be remembered? I don’t know. Is this who he thought he was? I dont’ know. But he was an incredible man, an inspiration to so many.
So, what is the purpose, meaning, business of life? I don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s doing the work that was done before us and continuing it throughout generations. our work is never done. Maybe it’s finding that community that will overwhelmingly come out to support you in a time of need, to hear what your life is all about. Maybe life is about making meaningful connections, to people, to a higher being, to the world. Life is about living, however and whatever that means for each individual.