Author: Eve Posen

What’s in a Name? – Parshat Shemot 5772

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One of the most challenging moments of a new parent’s life can be coming up with the name for their new child.  Will the child be a boy or a girl?  Who should the child be named after, and should the same name be used or just the first letters?  There are parents who choose names based on the attributes they see in the child and those who’ve picked out the names of their children long before they’re ready to start a family.  As Jews we sometimes have an even bigger decision to make, giving our children both an English and Hebrew name.  And, as we grow, sometimes our names change.
The Torah tells us the importance of names as Avram becomes Avraham and Sarai becomes Sarah when the letter “hey” is added to their names in an expression of Godliness.  So too, our names represent our relationship to the divine, to the outside world, to our family and to our community. 
Our names are important; they become our identity.  While we gain other titles like Mom, Dad, Doctor, or Rabbi, our first and last names tie us to who we are in life and where we’ve come from.  For instance, I kept my maiden name, Posen, because my sister and I are the last of our family line, so I wanted to honor my family.  What’s really special to me is that my maternal grandmother was able to trace her family back to Spain in 1492, when their name was changed to Auslander, meaning outsider. 
This week, we read parshat Shemot, the first portion in the second book of the Torah. It’s named Shemot (names) because the text begins: “These are the names of the sons of Israel who came to Egypt with Ya’acov, each with his household: Reuven, Shimon, Levi and Yehudah, Issachar, Zevulun and Binyamin, Dan and Naftali, Gad and Asher.  All the descendants of Ya’acov were seventy persons; and Yosef was already in Egypt.”  Many commentators question why the text begins by telling us not only that the sons of Jacob went to Egypt, but that it lists each name individually.  Why is this necessary?
Leviticus Rabbah, a Midrashic commentary, teaches “Rav Huna said in the name of Bar Kapara:  Israel was redeemed from Egypt on account of four things- that they did not change their names, nor their language; that they did not say slanderous things; and that not one of them committed sexual immorality.”  That they did not change their names means they went down as Reuven and Shimon and they came out as Reuven and Shimon.  They did not call Reuven “Rupa,” or Yehudah “Lulyani,” nor Benyamin “Alexander.”  This teaches us that while the children of Israel may have gone into a new society, and it would have been much easier on them to have names that fit in, they remained true to their own culture and identity. 
When the text teaches that Joseph was already in Egypt, it is reminding us that Joseph was still himself while in Egypt.  The dreamer who interpreted dreams to get himself stuck in Egypt remained the dreamer and interpreter that saved a people.  Joseph and his brothers remained true to their inner identities, no matter their circumstances.  For us, “Egypt” can be anywhere, but whatever “Egypt” you end up in, you’re the same person inside.
While our environment changes and we find ourselves mixed in with new groups of people where we might stand out among different customs, the Torah reminds us that we have an identity in and beyond our names.  We carry within each of us the truth about who we are, and that truth is what allows us to remain our own person even as circumstances change.  It can be easy to change to fit every situation, but you lose a piece of yourself when that happens.  The message behind our “Be the Change Club” isn’t about changing ourselves. It’s about staying true to ourselves in order to see real change in the world. 
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach:  The midwives, Shifrah and Puah take a stance against Pharoah.  While he may have been the leader and law maker of the time, they saw the error in his rulings and acted in accord with their own conscience.  As we look at the world around us, we can take our cues from Shifra and Puah and stand up to injustice in the world, what greater lesson is there for us to teach our children than to maintain our on dignity with every action.
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  Jewish living is living in connection to God.  Chapter 4, verse 25 of our parshah reminds us of the importance of this connection with the covenant of circumcision.  While this covenant is made at 8 days old and remains forever, it is always good to renew our covenant.  This week, think about what connection you and your family wish to have with Judaism and God.  How will you maintain this relationship?

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast – Parshat Vayechi 5772

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As the secular New Year has come and gone, I find myself in shock.  2011 just flew by.  While I accomplished many of my goals, I’m still left to wonder where the time went.  In an instant a year can pass us by.  I hear parents say all the time, “I blinked and my child grew up.”  As we bring ourBar and Bat Mitzvah students to the ECC to celebrate, the teachers have a hard time believing that eleven or twelve years have passed from when these young adults were preschoolers themselves.  We often wonder, where did the time go?
I’ve always been curious about this phenomenon of time flying by.  I know there are 24 hours in a day, and that the year has 365 or 366 days in it, but why does the time seem to move more quickly at certain points?  Is there any truth to the phrase “time flies when you’re having fun”?  A recent study shared on NPR addressed why time seems to go slower in your younger years and speed up and fly by when you’re older.  The researcher, Neuroscientist David Eagleman of Baylor College of Medicine, says that when we are younger, every experience is new, from daily activities to new information at school.  We have brand new sensations and feelings and because of this our neurons are firing faster, more information is being taken in and stored, and therefore it feels like it takes longer.  That’s why by noon the kids in the ECC are exhausted from all of the learning and growing and they need a nap.  The study goes on to explain that when we’re older, our daily life is more routine, we have habits, and we’re not learning as much on a a daily basis.  Because of this, our brains don’t have to work so hard and time feels like it flies by. But time actually speeding up is, of course, an illusion.
This led me to our parshah this week, parshat Vayechi.  The word vayechi means “and he lived,” and the “he” is Jacob.  Just as the text that recounts the death of Sarah has more to say about how she lived, this section of text where Jacob dies focuses on Jacob’s life.  What counts is not how Jacob died, but how he lived his life.  Jacob is a patriarch with tremendous ups and downs.  His life begins with favoritism, his parents each choosing a favorite child.  He runs away from his furious brother, and then works seven years to marry one wife only to be tricked into marrying her sister.  Then he marries the woman he loves, but she can’t have kids.  Then, his sons take away his favorite son.  Inparshat Vayeshev, when Jacob hears about his son Joseph’s “death,” Jacob has a choice, he can sit, as the parshah implies, or he can stand.  Jacob chooses to sit; the text teaches “ki Ered”: I will go down.  Jacob stops living, he is grieving, and in this grief he has stopped living a life that leads to new experiences, so time flies by.
Jacob lived an incredible life, and the question for us is what does it mean to live?  According to the time study, living life to the fullest is about slowing down time.  When we really live, it’s by trying something new.  We make a change in our lives, big or small.  Jacob saw plenty of changes. 
The great 20th century Torah commentator Jon Bon Jovi sang “It’s my life, it’s now or never, I ain’t gonna live forever, I just gotta live while I’m alive,” urging each of us to live now, live today.  Time might fly by, but only because we’ve settled into a routine.  We have to ask ourselves if that is really living.  We have a choice: we can be described as vayechi, and he lived, or as va’yeshev, and he sat.  This year, try something new.  Slow down time with the choice to experience a new world, to get up, to live.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: in this week’s parshah, Jacob dies after blessing each of his sons and grandsons.  To this day we still use this concept of blessing each Friday night as we bless one another at the Shabbat table.  We ask that God help us to grow as caring, kind, loving and just people.  As Jacob dies, the text teaches us that this too is a blessing.  Our lives are blessings to those around us, we must use our actions, memories and deeds to lift up our community. 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  Chapter 47 verse 29 features Jacob asking Joseph to pledge in “steadfast loyalty,” Chesed Shel Emet to take his body with them when the Israelites leave Egypt.  The phrase chesed shel emet has come to mean “true kindness” a good deed for which no reciprocal favor can be anticipated.  Discuss as a family: When’s the last time you did something with no expectation of reciprocation?  Why is it important to have act without expecting anything in return?

The Lesser of Two Evils – Parshat Vayeishev 5772

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Decision making is difficult; we are often left to make choices that we don’t want to make.  If you’re like me, you might make a list or weigh the pros and cons of each decision.  When it looks like there might be no “good” outcome, we’re forced to make a decision based on which choice leaves the least negative outcome.
Being caught between a rock and a hard place is exactly where a few of Joseph’s brothers find themselves in parshat Vayeishev.  In this week’s parshah, we are once again regaled with Joseph’s imagination and the sibling rivalry it causes between him and his brothers.  The brothers decide to sell Joseph, Jacob mourns for his son; Joseph ends up in Egypt and eventually in jail for a misunderstanding with Potiphar’s wife, and Judah gets into trouble with a woman named Tamar.  Throughout this section of text, we see the brothers deciding in their own ways how to treat Joseph. 
But let’s not jump too far ahead.  While the brothers are out to pasture with their flock, they conspire against Joseph.  When they see him approaching from a distance, they whisper to each other that they should kill him.  As the brothers are plotting, Reuben chimes in.  In Chapter 37, verse 21, the text teaches us that Reuben tried to save Joseph from them.  He suggested, “Let us not take his life; Shed no blood!  Cast him into that pit out in the wilderness, but do not touch him yourselves.”  The text finishes this passage in verse 22, adding that Reuben intended to save Joseph from the brothers and restore him to his father, once he was able to return and help him out of the pit.  While we do not know for sure the reason behind Reuben’s actions, we can infer that as the oldest son, Reuben would be held accountable for Joseph, so he faced a decision: either become an outcast among his brothers for standing up for Joseph or face the wrath of Jacob.  Neither sounded too pleasant to him.
Judah, on the other hand, suggests that the brothers not kill Joseph, but rather sell him to the traders passing by.  Both Judah and Reuben, in their own ways, suggest compromises, neither of which is particularly brotherly, but each would prevent Joseph’s death.  While they might be praised for looking out for the life of their brother, Joseph, the Babylonian Talmud teaches in tractateSanhedrin that while Judah saves Joseph’s life with his suggestion, he is to be condemned.  One is not to be praised merely for being less wicked than one’s companions.  While Judah chose the lesser of two evils, he was still choosing an evil action. 
Our tradition also teaches that Reuben returns to the scene of the crime and sees that Joseph is gone. Thinking that his brother is dead, Reuben tears his own clothing in mourning.  Reuben assumes that despite his efforts, Joseph has died, but in fact it was Reuben’s suggestion in verse 22 that saved Joseph’s life.  Sfat Emet teaches that often we despair that the good deeds we have done have made no difference, when often they have made a great difference. 
Ideally, we wouldn’t have to make choices between the lesser of the two evils, but the real lesson is knowing that all decisions matter to some degree.  The best choices we make, while they might seem small, could mean the world to someone else. 
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: This week’s parshah shows us how siblings can both protect and harm one another, and how our actions, even with good intentions can have a serious effect on others.  The Jewish value Kol Yisrael areivim zeh b’zeh, “all of Israel is responsible for one another” reaches us that if we see something wrong happening to our fellow, we must stand up and act now.  In this season we often hear about others who have trouble finding warm clothes, food to eat or a job.  And yes, sometimes this is because of their own poor choices, but in the end we are responsible to help others when we can.  Talk with your children about their decision making process, map out Reuben and Judah’s decisions and see together where the faults are.  And then, try to spend a few minutes helping others in whatever way you can.

The Worst-Case Scenario Torah Survival Handbook – Parshat Vayishlach 5772

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I find it a bit humorous when someone asks “What’s the worst that could happen?”  Usually this phrase comes up when you’re about to take a risk or decide to do something you’re unsure of.  It’s meant to sound comforting, the encouragement to move forward and take the risk, and yet when you stop to think about it, there are plenty of worst case scenarios that aren’t comforting at all.  In life, when we’re faced with a challenge, a decision to make, when we need to face our past or an uncomfortable situation, we often prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
This week we read parshat Vayishlach, the continuing narrative of Jacob’s life.  The text tells us of Jacob’s preparation to meet with his brother Esau, the dream he has that changes his name to “Israel,” and Jacob’s move to Shechem where his family encounters drama and finally the death of Isaac, Jacob and Esau’s father.  We read about the death of Rachel and the birth of Benjamin.  While the text is filled with decisions and reminders of life’s ups and downs, the text begins with Jacob considering his own worst case scenario.
If you recall, Jacob was forced to flee from his home after his mother Rebekah conspired with him to get the birthright that belonged to his older brother, Esau.  Jacob runs to the wilderness, where he has vivid dreams of angels on ladders and a few additional epiphanies as he tries to figure out what to do with his life.  Parshat Vayishlach begins with the reunion of Jacob and Esau after this long absence.  Jacob, trying to figure out how this meeting will play out, sends messengers ahead to his brother to test the waters.  The messengers tell Esau about Jacob’s wealth and request for peace; they return sharing news that Esau himself will come to meet Jacob.  You can imagine at this moment Jacob has a million different scenarios running through his head, and hearing his messengers share that Esau has 400 men with him was probably not reassuring.  Jacob reacts by separating out his camps; he splits his family on opposite sides of the river, a clear sign that he expects the worst from this encounter. 
It is in this moment of fear and dread that we see a significant change in Jacob.  The last time he was scared, he turned to pray to God, but his prayer was like a bargain.  God, if you do this for me, I will setup an altar to praise you.  This time, Jacob’s prayer changes.  He prays for safety and security rather than making a bargain with God because he realizes that he has nothing to offer.  Instead, Jacob reminds God of the promise to protect him, to bless him with many children, wealth and love.  Jacob knows that trust in God means understanding that God’s promise will not be fulfilled if Esau kills him. 
As it turns out, all of his imagining a worst case scenario was merely a mental exercise because when Jacob and Esau are reunited, they embrace and cry.  Often, thinking of the worst case scenario gets us all riled up to expect the worst, so we are not able to be clear headed and hope for the best.  This week, Jacob not only shows us how his prayers have matured, but how he’s able to confront his fears. 
Being prepared for a potentially bad situation is a helpful defense, but being able to give something – or someone – the benefit of the doubt is equally as important.  We have to remember not to let our imaginations run away with us.  If we prepare for the possibilities, but still expect the best in people, we might be surprised. 
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:   As we read this week’s parshah, we see that Esau is willing to change.  He takes a step back from his anger, from his rage against his brother from their childhood and embraces his own flesh and blood with warmth.  Often in our lives we hold on to the negative and forget to embrace change.  Later we see Joseph forgive his brothers for an even worse transgression.  We learn the power of forgiveness from these role models.  As we approach the end of the year, start to talk as a family about letting go and moving forward. 

Up, Up and Away – Parshat Vayeitzei 5772

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What goes up must come down.  A lesson learned after my balloon floated away from me to the high ceiling of the synagogue.  I was reassured over and over again that eventually the balloon would shrivel as the helium escaped, and my balloon would come back to me, albeit slightly smaller.  It always made sense to me that before something could come down, it needed to go up, but this week’s parshah brings new understanding to this concept.
This week we read parshat Vayetzei, which in English means “and he went out.”  The parshah is about Jacob leaving his father’s home, on the run after he receives the blessing of the first born meant for his brother.  On his trek, Jacob lays down for sleep one evening and uses a rock as a pillow.  As he sleeps, he dreams of angels of God going up and down on a ladder.  Though it seems like semantics, the question that arises is how can angels go up and then down?  That order makes sense for a balloon, but shouldn’t angels come down from the heavens and return up?
The commentator Rashbam, Rashi’s grandson, suggests that this order isn’t a literal description; rather, we say “up and down” because it is proper for us to first mention the attributes of a person that lift them up in our eyes, then – and only then – to remember when they have fallen.  That is to say, we are to always focus on finding the positive in each individual.  It is our job as members of a community to lift one another up, to bring reminders of the positive and look for the best in one another.
I am often asked why our forefathers are the men we look to as the great leaders of our people. Aren’t the first words we read from Abraham (asking Sarah to pretend she is his sister) part of a lie?  Isn’t Isaac too quiet and passive?  And what does Jacob’s lie to Isaac say about his character?  It’s important to remember that the task of building a nation of people doesn’t come easy.  Yes, theTorah tells us that our nation has come from them, but it took many tough choices and stumbles along the way.
Jacob is on a journey and not really sure where he will end up.  During Jacob’s travels he will eventually meet up with his Uncle Laban, be tricked into working seven years for Rachel, but marrying Leah instead, only to work longer to marry Rachel, his love.  Jacob was at a point in his life where it would have been easy to only see the angels come down, where everything could have felt like a giant weight on his shoulders, but God, acting as the great cheerleader, reminds him that there is always a way up. We can learn the same lesson as Jacob: to look for the upside first and make that what we carry with us.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: Chapter 30 of Bereshit speaks about Rachel’s attempts to overcome infertility.  The matriarchs, Sarah, Rebekah and Rachel each have a struggle with childbirth and infertility in one way or another.  Their struggles are still felt today by many families in our community, and treatments can be very costly.  Consider making a donation to Priya: A New Fund for Jewish Reproduction of the Dallas Jewish Community Foundation.  The word “Priya” is Hebrew for “Being Fruitful.”  This fund provides education to the Jewish community about infertility as well as financial assistance to Jewish families experiencing infertility.
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Parshat Vayetzei is full of interesting family dynamics, one of the most prominent is the importance of children to a family.  Children represent the continuation of a family line.  This week, let your children know that you treasure them.  On Friday evening for Shabbat, give them a blessing.