Author: Eve Posen

Watch Your Tone – Parshat Vayera 5772

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“Watch your tone, young lady.”  I remember these words coming as a warning that I was on the fine line between being sassy and being in trouble for it.  The tone of voice we use can tell others exactly how we’re feeling, what’s on our mind, what we think about them and so much more.  When we get excited, our voice might get higher, and when we lie, our voice might go quiet.  When we’re angry we might scream, and when we’re annoyed, our tone might have a certain bite to it.  While the words we use are important, how we say them can tell others so much more about what we’re thinking.
Parshat Vayera, this week’s Torah portion, is chock-full of narrative.  It opens with Abraham after he makes the covenant with God and goes through his circumcision.  He is immediately greeted bymalachim, messengers from God.  Abraham has a choice: he can welcome them and make them feel at home, or he can send them away.  Abraham chooses to welcome them.  Next in the parshah, Abraham has to deal with the fall of Sdom and Amora and save his cousin Lot and his family as these two cities of weak morals come to their own demise.  Later in the parshah, Abraham and Sarah are blessed with the birth of Isaac and have to sort out their complicated family dynamics with Ishmael and his mother.  After Abraham makes a pact with a nearby king, he comes to a moment of testing, both of his faith and his trust.
This section of text is referred to as the Akeidah, the Binding of Isaac.  This is the narrative of God asking Abraham to take his son, his only son, the son that he loves, Isaac, and sacrifice him as an offering for God.  This whole incident is described by the rabbis as a test of Abraham’s faith, but it teaches more about his character.  During this encounter, Abraham uses the same word, Hineini, (“here I am”) three times in response to three different people.  While the text isn’t written in click-to-hear format, we can imagine the change in his voice.
The first time Abraham answers is to God in chapter 22, verses 1-2.  God calls out to Abraham, and Abraham, not knowing what is about to come to him responds, Hineini, “Hey God, HERE I AM!”  One can envision Abraham perhaps hesitantly, but enthusiastically awaiting his next task from God.  Saying  Hineini with this attitude lets others know you are there and ready to step in.  You’re not judging what they might ask of you or placing conditions on what you’ll agree to, you’re simply ready to go.
A few verses later in chapter 22, verses 6-8, we find Abraham on his way to fulfill God’s wishes in offering up Isaac.  He and Isaac are walking together with all the materials necessary for a sacrifice except for the animal to be used.  Isaac, who is possibly every bit as nervous as his father, calls out to Abraham, perhaps with a bit of hesitancy and concern.  Abraham again responds with Hineini.  But this Hineini might lack some of the enthusiasm of the previous one.  Abraham stands up this time, walking with his son, trying to be a calming presence.
The third instance occurs as Abraham has his arm lifted to make the sacrifice. A malach, an angel of God, calls out to him.  Up to this point, Abraham has twice answered calls ready to act and has twice been burdened with their gravity.  It should come as no surprise that this time the malach has to call his name twice before he answers.  Perhaps this time he answers with a bit of a bite in his voice.  “What?! I’m here!”
In our lives, we are constantly being asked to support this cause or that cause, to give money to this organization or that one.  We have families, friends, and jobs that constantly place requests, demands, and constraints on our time.  While we might have once jumped up and said Hineini, here I am, ready to help, maybe we now find ourselves overburdened and annoyed at these requests.  But, if Abraham had ignored that final request, our story would have gone quite differently.  We too have the opportunity to turn ourselves off, or to continue to take responsibility for ourselves and our community, to keep answering the call because it’s the right thing to do.  Just watch your tone.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:
Parshat Vayera is the source text for the mitzvah of Bikur cholim, visiting the sick.  Saying Hineinimeans making sure that those in our community who cannot be physically with us because of treatments or other limitations are still included.  When a classmate, friend, neighbor or family member is sick, make a little extra time to visit them, call them, send a meal or a card as a family.  Include your children in the learning.

Tell Me Sweet Little Lies – Parshat Lech Lecha 5772

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There is a classic debate in the Talmud between Hillel and Shammai over what you say to a bride on her wedding day.  Do you tell her that she is beautiful no matter what she looks like, or are you honest with her because honesty is the best policy?  The debate speaks to what it really means to lie.  In certain circumstances, telling a little white lie might be for someone’s benefit, allowing an individual to move on without causing any harm, ever.  But, there are times when a little white lie can spread out of control, turning into a full-fledged lie that leaves people devastated and relationships ruined forever. 
When we teach the story of the boy who cried wolf, we teach from an early age that lying is bad. It is interesting then that the first time Avraham speaks in the narrative of the Torah, it is a lie that he tells.  In parshat Lech Lecha, we are finally introduced to Avram and Sarai, later Avraham and Sarah, who become the great matriarch and patriarch of the rest of our narrative.  We learn that Avraham follows God with full intent, without questioning, and that Sarah goes with him.  As they approach the land and learn that there is a famine there, Avraham becomes worried about his future and about the safety of his wife.  So, he asks Sarah to tell a little white lie.  Chapter 12 verse 11, the first time Avraham speaks, states, “As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are.  If the Egyptians see you, and think, ‘She is his wife,’ they will kill me and let you live.  Please say that you are my sister, that it may go well with me because of you, and that I may remain alive thanks to you.’” 
The midrash Tanhuma, a collection of 4th century writings, suggests that the reason for this lie is that Avraham, after so many years of marriage, took his wife’s beauty for granted until he became aware of how others regarded her.  Another interpretation put forth picks up that in verse 10 the text tells us that Avram went down to Egypt, telling us not of his direction, but rather the moral level of that society was lower, and so Avraham too lowered his morals to fit in.  What bothers me is that each of these explanations makes excuses for Avraham’s lie.  He is clearly looking out for himself and trying to make sure that he survives, but this lie puts his wife in danger and his own life at stake.  Later, when the king takes Sarai and horrible repercussions follow, Avraham is called out on his lie and forced to tell the truth. 
The fact is, Avraham lied, and the lie had consequences.  But, what it teaches us is that even Avraham who was chosen by God to become the father of the Israelite nation was not perfect.  There is room for learning and room for growth.  Avraham was not yet at the point where he had absolute blind faith in God.  He was still growing in his relationship with God and and growing as a human being.  We often fall into the trap of holding our leaders to a higher standard, and in a certain sense, it is true that we want our leaders to be truthful, trustworthy, wise and honest, but we must remember that all of us stumble along the way as we figure out the world.  Avraham made a mistake; he lied, but found his way back to the path of truth and faith in God.  None of us can expect to be perfect; real righteousness, real leadership means recovering and learning from our stumbles and allowing others to do the same.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: When a figure like Avraham is caught in a lie it brings of questions of leadership and values.  When talking about these issues with your kids it is often helpful to have many different opinions.  Visit Jewish Values Online,http://www.jewishvaluesonline.org/, a wonderful website that has an archive full of answers to questions on values.  Each question has an answer from a reform, conservative and orthodox viewpoint. 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  The text teaches in chapter 13, verse 2 that Avraham was very rich.  The Hebrew word used for “rich” here is Kaved, which means heavy or burdened.  The text continues to teach that Avraham needed to unload this burden in order to live off the land.  Giving Tzedakah means giving of yourself to help lighten the load someone else might be carrying.  A tradition teaches that to do this, every week right before Shabbat we should take the change from our pockets and give it to our Tzedakah box.

Guilty Pleasures – Parshat Noach 5772

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I love junk food.  The sensation of biting into a warm, freshly baked, chewy chocolate chip or peanut butter cookie is ecstasy for me.  The way the dough just melts in my mouth leaves me craving another bite.  And then there is the crunch of a perfectly fried French fry, dipped into any of a multitude of sauces.  Or a nice, juicy hamburger with a perfectly grilled bun and onions grilled just right on top.  If I’m having a bad day, just put any one of these foods in front of me and my day will instantly improve.  I’m certain that we all have our comfort foods, drinks or activities, the “go to” vice after a long hard day when everything seems to be depending on you. 
As with everything in life, moderation is key.  If you have everything in moderation, there will be no problems.  A recent study by Health Magazine lists 10 common vices that Americans have and how each one is actually good for you . . . in moderation.  Drinking a glass of wine, eating a piece of chocolate, sleeping in, playing hooky, massages, coffee, full fat dressing, gender-specific nights out, and more were found to have a positive effect on daily living, when used in moderation.  
This week we read parshat Noach, which tells of the evil impulses running rampant in society, Noah’s building of the Ark, a covenant with God through a rainbow and the building of a tower to approach God.  Noah is the man in charge.   He receives God’s call to build the Ark and the call to put his family and pairs of animals on this Ark.  And, when the flood waters have subsided, he is supposed to regenerate the earth and be in covenant with God.  One can imagine this to do list and the weight of responsibility here sitting heavily on Noah’s shoulders.
But even though Noah is chosen for the job, he isn’t perfect. Noah has his vices as well.  The text teaches us that Noah, as he came out of the Ark, was not only the father of three sons, and not only the one responsible for accepting the covenant with God, but Noah was also the first to plant a vineyard.  We learn in chapter 9, verses 20-21 that “He [Noah] drank of the wine and became drunk, and he uncovered himself within is tent.”  Noah was a man who enjoyed a nice glass of wine after a rough day, but in this instance, he over indulged.  Perhaps Noah found himself alone or burdened with guilt that he survived the flood.  Whatever the case may be, Noah turns to wine and in turn is discovered by his sons, leading them to act immorally and cause shame not only to themselves, but to Noah as well.
Moderation.  The Torah teaches us that there is always a need for balance.  When the people are behaving only on the side of evil, God wipes them out, working to start over again.  And when the people build a tower to reach God, they are reminded that there is a difference between belief in God and wanting to be God.  Here too, while perhaps a moment late, Noah learns that a little wine is acceptable, while too much causes problems. 
Judaism is a religion that appreciates celebration and marks time with pleasurable things: delicious cakes for the holidays, a sip of wine for Kiddush, making a l’chaim at a momentous occasion.  But, each of these is also marked with community, family and moderation.  We can have as many pieces of apples and honey and cake at Rosh HaShannah as we want, as long as we endure the eight days of matzah later on.  Let us work to find and maintain the balance in our lives so that our joyous times are distinguished from our tougher times, making both that much more meaningful.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד To Teach: We all struggle with finding the balance between our daily lives, family, technology and a myriad of other things.  Think about your own life and where you’d like to achieve greater balance.  If you’re thinking about balancing mitzvot, consider It’s a Mitzvah by Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson.  If you’re looking for balance in meditation or time to cool down, tryThe Busy Soul: Ten-Minute Spiritual Workouts from Jewish Tradition by Rabbi Terry Bookman.  If you’re looking for time management, try 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey (He also has a version for teens). 
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Balance is often about knowing your limits.  If you’re feeling off kilter in your home, or notice your kids slipping towards one extreme, sit down together and discuss this.  What does a balanced day look like?  How do you achieve balance in your own family life?  The best way to teach moderation and balance to our kids is to model it ourselves. 

When We Were Younger – Parshat Bereshit 5772

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As a child I had a Cabbage Patch doll named Helena Zena.  Helena Zena and I went everywhere together, including family vacations.  On one such vacation I was holding Helena Zena by the ankle, dragging her on the very bumpy rocks on the shore of one of the Great Lakes.  My parents asked me to stop and I responded, “But she likes it!”  But of course the truth was that I was the one who liked it.
As children we learn what we like and don’t like very quickly.  Children are able to engage in a world of discovery and pleasure.  When they discover what they like, they prefer to continue to do it over and over again, generally without regard for safety or other children.  Children under a certain age lack the cognitive ability to understand self control.  While pleasure and pain are two basic instincts, understanding how our actions effect others requires a developed conscience and an understanding of the world that only happens at an older age.
Parshat Bereshit, the first parshah in the Torah, reminds us of the blissful nature of ignorance and the consequences we learn as we grow.  The parshah begins with the narrative of creation when God brings order to a chaotic entity, creating the world in which we live.  Then comes the narrative of Adam and Eve, the first human inhabitants of this world.  As the first human beings, their first moments in the Torah are euphoric.  They are placed in a luscious garden with plenty to eat, animals to watch and each other to keep company.  While they might be fully grown human beings, they are still new to the world and therefore in the mindset of a small child.  We can picture them roaming from place to place in Gan Eden taking in every new experience.  The only rules were to refrain from eating from the “tree of knowledge of good and bad.”  But, every child likes to test boundaries, and that is exactly what they did.
With a little prodding, Eve eats from the tree and convinces Adam to do the same.  At this moment, neither Adam nor Eve has been introduced to the concept of consequences.  They are living in a world without conscience, and judging from God’s strong, negative reaction to their act, it appears as though God had intended for human beings to be created to live in a world of pleasure, to understand boundaries and not cross them or question them.  Anyone who’s ever spent time with a three-year-old knows that boundary testing is a given.
After the rule is broken, Adam and Eve receive their consequences.  For Eve, the punishment is pain in childbearing, attraction to her partner and male dominance.  For Adam, he is to work the ground; no longer will food come easily.  He will be forever tied to the dirt of the earth.  After God hands down these consequences, He states in chapter 3, verse 22:  “Now that the man has become like one of us, knowing good and bad…”  The text implies that up until this moment, God was the source of moral awareness and the only being that could understand good and evil.  Now, human beings have gained the capacity to make that distinction, and God becomes concerned with the outcome.
Through one simple act, Adam and Eve and all human beings gained a conscience.  From this moment on, they could no longer eat or live instinctively; their minds were now open to the rights and wrongs of the world.  The innocence of childhood, of learning pleasure and pain, is short lived.  But once we’ve acquired our conscience, we have the ability and responsibility to do good in the world.  The punishments of Adam and Eve teach us that knowledge requires action.  Each of them is expected to work in order for their world to make sense.  And so each of us is in turn asked to listen to that internal voice, to be guided by our innate knowledge of pleasure and pain and instead of continuing the cycle of evil, we are to act in a godly fashion, to become like God in righting the wrong in our world.  It is when each of us accepts this responsibility that we will have taken steps towards the order that God set to the world in creation.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: Judaism is a beautiful religion in that we are trained to continue finding meaning in a text we’ve read over and over again.  Rabbi Ben Bag Bag in perkei avot, ethics of the fathers teaches that we are responsible for looking over the Torah text again and again because there is always something new in it.  Make this year the year that you read the parshaheach week and learn from it.  Some great, English commentaries are: The Bedside Torah by Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, The Women’s Torah Commentary, published by Jewish Lights, The Torah Portion by Portion by Seymour Rossel.  Feel free to ask me for more suggestions.
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:  Parshat Bereshit reminds us that 6 days of our week are meant to be spent creating, engaging physically with the world, but that on the 7th day, God ceased creating.  There’s no time like a new beginning to try refraining from creating.  On Friday night as Shabbat begins, talk about what each of you has created in this past week, how have your words, deeds and activities led to creation?  Then, stop creating, challenge your family to spend 25 hours enjoying what already is, not creating something new.

On the Release of Gilad Shalit

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This time for us as Jews is known as Z’man Simchateinu, the time of rejoicing.  In an ordinary year we celebrate in our Sukkot, aware of the fragility of the structure, and then move into celebrating the completion and rereading of the Torah.  This year we have extra reason for celebration with the safe return of Gilad Shalit, the Israeli soldier taken captive 1,940 days ago.  Regardless of political viewpoints, Jews around the world felt the loss of one of our own in his capture.  For years we have led efforts to raise awareness of this situation.  We have kept a seat vacant in our prayer spaces to remind us that the Shalit family has an empty place at their table and synagogue, and to remind us that our Jewish community is always responsible for one another.  In following this situation, our students have seen Jewish communities come together across the board from the right and the left, they have learned about the tremendous value the Jewish people place on each and every life, and in some ways, they have witnessed a miracle in Gilad Shalit’s safe and healthy return to Israel and his family. 
Our students were excited when the news broke a week ago about the deal to return Gilad Shalit, and this morning as we joined together in prayer and celebration for Sukkot they brought tears to my eyes as they rejoiced in the news of his freedom.  Removing the chair reserved for Gilad Shalit from our bimah was especially poignant for our students. 
At this time there are no doubt many mixed emotions, and many prayers to be uttered.  We may thank God for the release of the prisoner, or for the good news.  We may also pray that this deal causes no future harm or terror for the Jewish people.  We may pray that Gilad Shalit and his family know no further pain.  Whatever our prayer is, we come together in this moment as a Jewish People and celebrate the value of every Jewish life.