Author: Eve Posen

Pack It Up – Parshat Bo 5775

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pack-it-upI am a chronic over-packer. When I lived in Israel for a year, I had three huge duffel bags and was still worried I wouldn’t have what I needed or wanted. Preparing for trips and vacations should be an exciting experience, but packing for travel brings out anxieties I’m able to keep hidden the rest of the year. I keep weighing my bag like it’s a prizefighter to make sure I’m within the airline’s weight limit, and more often than I like to admit I’ve been asked to put my carry-on bag in the sizing display to confirm it fits.

Now traveling with a kid compounds everything. My carry-on alone has enough clothes for two days for every family member. We look like we’re traveling for weeks when we go anywhere for the weekend. It might be a little bit obsessive, but I prefer to think this tendency is simply a need to be prepared for anything. You never know what you might need.

This week we read parshat Bo, which details the Exodus from Egypt. The Israelites are a traveling people, and in parshat Bo the Israelites are steps away from leaving Egypt. Pharaoh refuses again to allow the Israelites to leave, and each of the three refusals brings with it one of the three final plagues. The narrative continues with the procedures for leaving Egypt, including putting the lamb’s blood on the doorpost, packing up, and recreating these events by celebrating Passover in future generations.

As the Israelites are preparing for their journey, Pharaoh and Moshe have a heart to heart about what is necessary for packing. I can only imagine the anxiety I would have gone through trying to pack as an Israelite traveling with Moshe in the wilderness. We know they brought sheep, cattle, gold, silver, wood, and perhaps a change of clothes or two. In chapter 10, verse 26, as Moshe is listing the cattle and livestock they must bring, he states, “And we shall not know with what we are to worship the Lord until we arrive there.” Basically, Moshe is instructing the Israelites to over-pack because they simply won’t know what it is they will need to live full Jewish lives until they’re doing it.

So perhaps my over-packing is reminiscent of the Israelites’ departure. Different situations require different items, and it’s difficult to say with 100% certainty what you’ll need on a daily basis, let alone when traveling long distances. Parshat Bo reminds us that we can try to prepare precisely what we’ll need, but every situation is unique. Some trips require three changes of clothes per day while others require nothing but a bathing suit. The same is true for our relationship with God. At various times in our lives, we need different things from God, and God needs difference things from us. At one extreme, some days you might need to yell and rail at God; other times simply knowing God is with you is enough.

I Get Knocked Down – Parshat Vaera 5775

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i-get-knocked-downIf you say it often enough, “No I can’t” can become a mantra just as easily as “Yes I can.” Last year I was facing a new job and a move across country with an infant and puppy. Having to coordinate the logistics for the entire move created so many moments when I felt “I can’t.” It was easier than I’d like to admit to just sit and do nothing instead of face the new challenges.

The “I can’t” and the “It’s too hard” can take many forms. They might be uttered by a child attempting to master a new skill and wanting to give up or an adult who is at her wit’s end with work, family, and life in general. Life can take us by storm, and the very thought of moving forward can be overwhelming and crushing. Perhaps you’ve been fired or let go from a position you loved, or you have so many projects all depending on you that you’re not even sure what the next step should be.

Each of us has a certain amount of struggle and stress we can handle at a given time, and when we reach our breaking point, out comes the “I can’t.” The Israelites also have a breaking point as a people. This week’s parshah, Vaera, finds the Israelites in the midst of their transition from slavery to freedom. God reminds Moshe about the covenant made with our forefathers and that redemption is in the near future. Moshe tries to share this with the people Israel, but they aren’t ready to listen to him.

The image painted is one of Moshe, perched in front of the nation, ready to share God’s promises with them, and the nation has their heads down, their ears closed. They are tired, and even more telling, are unsure whom to trust. Chapter 6, verse 9: “But when Moses told this to the Israelites, they would not listen to Moses, their spirits crushed by cruel bondage.” Our commentators question what the “soul crushing” was. Could it be that they are so tired from the hard work that they are unable to understand the possibility of change? Or could it be that they are aware of the hard work freedom would require and they are simply unable to comprehend putting that amount of energy forward?

Ultimately, the Israelites are able to rally their efforts and move forward, but our Torah portion this week reminds us of the difficulty in moving forward after traumatic or overwhelming events or when the “I can’t” becomes so ingrained it feels normal. For the Israelites it took the leadership of Moshe and the trust of an entire community to forge a better life. When our spirits are crushed, may we find some inspiration in our own power to get up and move forward to a renewed freedom.

Lessons in the Stars – Parshat Shemot 5775

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lessons-in-our-starsThis week, we read parshat Shemot, the first portion in the second book of the Torah. It’s named Shemot (names) because the text begins: “These are the names of the sons of Israel who came to Egypt with Ya’acov, each with his household: Reuven, Shimon, Levi and Yehudah, Issachar, Zevulun and Binyamin, Dan and Naftali, Gad and Asher. All the descendants of Ya’acov were seventy persons; and Yosef was already in Egypt.”

Many commentators question why the text begins by telling us not only that the sons of Jacob went to Egypt, but that it lists each name individually. Why the roll call? It reminds me of the “In Memoriam” section from an awards show. The tribes, the brothers, have lived their lives and are remembered, and the community has gathered together after a shift in location to once again look back on those who gave them comfort, those whose stories brought them laughter and tears, and those whose life lessons they have taken to heart.

Who are the bright stars on your list? Is there an entertainer or a public figure or an athlete whose absence diminishes the light in your own life just a little bit? Among last year’s “list” were two particular losses that especially affected me: Robin Williams and Joan Rivers. They were two people who brought me laughter and taught me some of life’s greatest lessons. The Genie in Aladdin taught me all the wishing and hoping in the world doesn’t change who you are inside – that’s up to you. Mrs. Doubtfire taught me about teshuva, about righting the wrongs of the past to make a better future. Joan Rivers taught me to laugh at myself, and to be proud of who I am. She was a pioneer for women in comedy and stood her ground in the face of many haters.

What are your names? What names recall lessons learned or milestones marked?

This past summer I spent time converting the VHS tapes of shows and personalities I grew up on into DVDs. Thank goodness my mom saved these so I could share this magic with my daughter. As I watched parts of each episode in real time during the transfer, it was as though I was back to being six, watching my “friends.” Everything was all right – young and innocent.

These are the names. Whether they are the names of our biblical figures, the names of our pop icons, the names of our family members who’ve had significant influence in our lives, they are the names that bring back comfort, emotion, and lessons learned.

Uniquely You – Parshat Vayechi 5775

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baby-name-blessingAs a parent, I found choosing a name for our sweet baby to be overwhelming.  We knew we wanted to name her after my father with an “s” name and after Duncan’s grandmother, with an “a” name.  We knew we wanted a name that was filled with meaning.  But then came the question: “What if the name we give her is not reflective of who she is?”  We named her Shiri (“my song”), but what if she has no interest in singing later in life?  We explained at her naming that we also blessed her with the characteristics of those she’s named for so we could expect her to grow up to be like them, but time will tell how well her name expresses who she becomes.

As we know throughout the first book of the Torah, names play an important role in telling us the stories of our forefathers.  We start with Abraham and Sarah, who go through name changes that describe the great nation they will help build.  Isaac receives his name because of the laughter his parents shared at the amazement of his conception.  Jacob gets his first name from holding his brother’s heel at birth and receives a second name after an encounter with God.  These names teach us about the people who carry them as much as they identify who they are in a crowd.

This week parshat Vayechi, the final section of text in sefer Bereshit (Genesis), tells of the deaths of both Jacob and Joseph and their final moments with family members.  In the final moments, Jacob blesses Joseph’s sons and all of his own children.  He promises to tell them what will happen to them in the future, but instead he shares with each child their special gifts and character.

When the children were given their names earlier in the narrative, their names represented how they came into the world and who their parents hoped they would be.  In the end, we learn that parents don’t really have prophecy into who their children will be.  As these children grew, their father recognized that they might represent the characteristics entailed by their birth name, but they also have other blessings to share with the world.

As parents, this parshah reminds us that it is our responsibility to recognize these changes and growth in our children too.  We can name them in honor of loved ones and pray that they carry those character traits with them, but we should also recognize the beautiful, funny, creative individuals our children grow into as they experience our world.  Their individuality is the greatest blessing we can give them.

Two Wrongs; Make it Right – Parshat Vayigash 5775

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IMG_1425.JPGIt is human nature to want to reciprocate actions, whether good or bad.  When someone does something nice for us, we want to pay them back or pay it forward.  When someone is horrible or mean, we want to be equally mean back.  But an “eye for an eye” isn’t always right or fair.  In our world where we work towards fairness and equality, it can be truly difficult to stand up and do the right thing when we really want others to feel our pain.

Parshat Vayigash, our Torah portion for this week, is the continuation of the saga between Joseph and his brothers.  Yehudah, one of the master perpetrators of the evil against Joseph, stands up for his brothers and asks to be imprisoned to spare Benjamin.  Later, Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, his brothers tell Jacob that Joseph is still alive, seventy members of Jacob’s people follow him down to Egypt, and the family is reunited.  At this point the narrative takes pause.

In the first lines of the parshah, we see Yehudah stand up for his brothers, we see him try to right the wrong he did against Joseph, leaving Joseph with a choice.  Joseph can continue to imprison Benjamin; in doing so he would certainly inflict pain on his brothers, the kind of pain he felt years earlier when he himself was sent off.  But, he would also cause more pain to his father, something he could not stomach.

Joseph is ultimately moved to tears by the speech his brother Yehudah gives.  He realizes that keeping Benjamin would be acting as his brothers did, stooping to their level.  Instead, he decides to rise above it and do what is right.  And in a sense, Joseph is still reciprocating.  He’s not reciprocating the pain he felt much earlier in his life, he’s reciprocating the positive step forward he sees from Yehudah.

Siblings know how to push each other’s buttons better than anyone else.  It would have been easy for Joseph to wrong his brothers as they had wronged him, but instead, Joseph gathers his inner strength and is able to rise above the pettiness and past negative of their relationship.  What better reminder that while it is easy to commit a wrong in retaliation for a wrong, righting a situation will always yield the better outcome.

photo credit: The Hamster Factor via photopin cc