Days Gone By

I haven’t written in a while, partly because of the craziness that comes with graduation (yes, I completed the course work towards my Masters of Arts in Education) and part of it has to do with the numbness I have been feeling towards the world. I guess at this moment, I’m 9, nearly 10 months through the mourning process, and some days I still feel like I did at the beginning, missing him, them more and each day. And some times, i forget it happened, for that brief moment, my life is as I felt it should be, happy, fulfilled, loving every minute. And then something happens, and I want to call them so badly.
A year ago, I stood, ready to receive the Torah, to stand at the mountain for Shavuot a different person. I stood, less strong, more unsure of myself, now i stand, unsure, but strong.
Now I stand, hurting in my very core, craving normalcy, routine, as I did a year ago. I stand here, waiting for the Torah, for direction in my life, for a 5 year plan. I hurt at my core for my family, for those lost in the last year, conversations never had, conversations that can’t be had now, that can’t ever be had again.

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