Where have all the emails gone

As i look back on my post from last year at this time, i was so full of love, so full of hope, so optimistic. And this year, I am having the hardest time just focusing on the fact that another year is beginning. This year that has just passed before my eyes will probably be remembered as the hardest year of my short life. In the last 2 months, I have hurt more than I have ever hurt before. This year, instead of focusing in the spiritual work that is to be done, I just want to focus on the physical work of healing my broken heart.
right about now, I should be receiving an incredibly powerful email from my daddy, an email full of joy and reflection, and email to inspire me, an email that shows me how loved I am, how proud of me he is, an email that pushes me forward to be the best i can be. Instead, this year, I have to rely on years past, that voice is gone in my life. This year, just getting through an hour without tears is the biggest challenge I can handle.
Every piece of my life is different. i am a mourner, my life is short a voice, short of a smile, short 2 hugs, 2 smiles, 2 fans, and nothing can fill the void.
So, here I stand, days before we stand before the Holy One, Blessed be God, and i am spiritually empty, emotionally drained. And each day, as we do slichot and draw closer to the moment of judgment, I stand here raw, exposed, empty, hoping to just make it through the next days with my head held high, my spirit in tact. This year, the best i can be is me, broken and recognize the healing i need to do for myself.

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