Author: Eve Posen

A Blessing for Reconciliation

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Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister Miriam Mozes (far right in knitted hats) at the liberation of Auschwitz.

Forgiveness isn’t often controversial, but for Eva Mozes Kor, it was. In 2015, at the trial of former Auschwitz guard Oskar Groening, Holocaust survivor Kor publicly forgave 93-year-old Groening, a former SS officer who was facing accusations of accessory to 300,000 murders. This act of forgiveness was widely criticized by Kor’s co-plaintiffs, who questioned her decision to be a plaintiff at all. But whether you feel what Kor did was right or wrong, it certainly speaks to the very human need to reconcile our feelings. Toward the end of her life, Eva Kor felt that the hate she was holding was more painful to her than to the Nazis at whom that hate was directed. She would go on to write, “I didn’t forgive the Nazis because they deserve it. They don’t. I forgave them because I deserve it.”

Parshat Vayigash, this week’s Torah portion, shows us behavioral changes that lead to what was perhaps a very unlikely reconciliation, considering everything that has transpired in Jacob’s family. In the parshah, Joseph’s brother Yehudah (Judah) tries to redeem himself by asking to be imprisoned instead of Benjamin, and Joseph reveals himself to his brothers and heroically invites the whole family to Egypt to save them from starvation in Israel. In addition, Joseph and his father Jacob are reunited, and Joseph is able to finally reveal his newfound position of power.

This emotional reunion of Joseph with his brothers is the definition of forgiveness. This moment of healing their fractured relationship also reflects the rebuilding of shalom bayit, literally “peace in the home.” This Jewish value originally referred to marital relationships, but now often includes the whole family unit. Reconciliation isn’t necessarily easy; it requires intense work on all sides. But maintaining shalom bayit creates an environment where kindness, patience, and understanding thrive. A home that embodies this value is a microcosm of a peaceful society. Families filled with love and harmony contribute the same to their communities.

If you’ve recently reconciled with someone or are working to repair a relationship, what better way to mark the moment than to pause and offer a blessing to honor and sanctify this essential human act:  

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who brings peace among siblings and teaches us to seek forgiveness and understanding.

For Wisdom and Leadership

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As you can imagine, the clergy team at CNS is faced with a wide variety of decisions to be made every day. Part of leadership is honing decision-making skills. You have to weigh multiple perspectives and outcomes of the decisions you’ll make, and over the years I’ve gotten better at trusting my gut. Like any healthy organization, we don’t make decisions in a silo; we use our collective wisdom to understand and move forward. This is a lesson that comes from the richness of our texts as well.

This week we read Parshat Miketz, which details Joseph’s rise to power in Egypt, his interpretation of Pharaoh’s dreams, and the beginning of the reconciliation of the brothers when they unknowingly come before him for support. If we focus on Joseph as a leader, it becomes clear that his ability to interpret dreams has positioned him as an indispensable figure in Egyptian society. Put yourself in Joseph’s shoes. How would you feel about going from jailed nobody to top official in a relatively short time?

Perhaps it’s remembering that his wisdom only works in partnership with God that keeps Joseph grounded. As just one of our community leaders, I know that for decisions to be effective, they have to be made with wisdom, partnership, and generosity of spirit. Our decisions are not only a team effort, but they look to our ethical and moral guide, the Torah. For that, we have a blessing to keep us grounded. This blessing is often recited upon seeing a wise person, and it can serve as a way to reflect on Joseph’s God-given insight.

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu Melech HaOlam, she-natan michochmato levasar va-dam.

Blessed are You, Adonai our God, Sovereign of the Universe, who has given wisdom to flesh and blood.

A Coat of Many Colors

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Do you know that smell when something’s new? Or fresh? There’s a joy in those “new” smells, whether it’s that newborn baby smell, the smell of spring, or the smell of a new car or a new pair of shoes. Our sense of smell is powerful, and it pleases the senses to experience a fresh, clean, new smell.

While the new smell fades, new clothes in particular often hold a special significance the first few times we wear them. Can you remember the first time you wore a favorite item? Was it cozy? Shiny? Our Torah portion this week, Parshat Vayeshev, is centered around a new item of clothing.

This week we read about the coat of many colors that Jacob gives to his son, Joseph. This coat brings about anything but a blessing for Joseph (and Jacob). It is because of this coat and the favoritism that it represents that Joseph is sold by his brothers into slavery in Egypt and why Jacob sits in mourning for his favored son. What do you think Joseph might have felt just before all this upheaval? What was the joy he felt receiving such a beautiful garment? 

We often try to extend this moment of newness by saying something like “Use it in good health.” It’s a little like a prayer or a blessing that the moment of gratitude will only continue.

To that end, we are reminded by our tradition to recite the Shehecheyanu prayer each time we wear a new garment. Specifically, it’s something of worth and value, not just new socks. 

.בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה, יְיָ אֱלֹהֵינוּ, מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֶחֱיָנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִּיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

How does taking a pause when you use something for the first time add intention or meaning to the moment? 

Pillar of Memory

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I have long found the cemetery to be a peaceful place. That could sound morbid to some, but the cemetery is often a place where I feel grounded and at peace. It might be because the cemetery in Michigan where my family members are buried is beautiful and peaceful. But in general, I’ve found cemeteries to offer a similar feeling of sacred connection to the earth and to the stories they tell. 

When you walk through a cemetery, you’re likely to see the story of a community. Family trees drawn by names and dates on the gravestones. Stones that imply a permanence of the life story, that our loved ones existed and their stories will be remembered because there is a lasting marker of their lives. Stone is changed by water and wind, but remains nonetheless.  

Our Torah portion this week, Parshat Vayishlach, is marked by the death of Rachel after the birth of Benjamin. “Over her grave Jacob set up a pillar; it is the pillar at Rachel’s grave to this day.” This verse is the core text for the Jewish custom to mark the grave with a monument. As the Torah stands strong throughout the test of time, so too the honoring of a life will be remembered by the placing of a headstone or marker.

Interestingly, for all of the occasions for blessings we have, there is no traditional blessing recited at an unveiling. Instead, the rabbis remind us of the blessing of life, the blessings we have when we come together, when we preserve memory, and when we tell our stories.  

7 Days, 7 Blessings

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You might be surprised by how much I’m asked about the meaning of numerical values in Judaism. Whatever power you might or might not ascribe to them, there are certain numbers whose repetition bears noting. The number 7, for example. There are 7 days of creation, 7 colors of the rainbow, 7 days of the week, 7 patriarchs and matriarchs. The number 7 is also prominent in the Jewish wedding ceremony. Traditionally, the bride circled the groom 7 times before going under the chuppah (the wedding canopy), or in modern times the couple circles each other 3 times each and then walks once together in a circle. In either case, it’s a nod to that moment of creation, and the creation of a home together.

In addition, our Torah portion this week, Parshat Vayetzi, focuses twice on the number 7: first as the number of years Jacob works for Rachel (which he has to repeat), and the 7 nights of the bridal chamber. This tradition of the “bridal week,” which is the week Jacob spent with Leah as a private time after their marriage, is still in existence today and is symbolized by the Sheva Brachot, the seven blessings. There are 7 blessings recited under the chuppah at a wedding ceremony and added to Birkat Hamazon, the prayer after meals, for the week following a wedding when the bride and groom are present. 

You can find the Sheva Brachot with translation, transliteration, and the original Hebrew here: 

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-sheva-berakhot

Do you notice any themes spanning multiple blessings? Perhaps harkening back to the theme of creation again? 

There is one significant milestone not marked by the number 7. As we learned in the Torah portion a few weeks ago, the bris, the covenant of circumcision, takes place not on the 7th day, but the 8th day of life. Why this variation from the magical number? It’s thought that 7 is a number of completion or a number representing a cycle. That would make 8 the next step forward.