It may not always be obvious, but our children are watching us and modeling their behavior on what they see. What do they see in you? This too is Torah.
Author: Eve Posen
Forever Changed – Parshat Vayishlach 5776
Truly life-changing moments are few and far between. A specific encounter can touch your heart, or a story on the news can make you think, but very few of these moments reach us so deeply that our lives are never the same again. The instances that typically alter our lives are the ones you’d expect, like significant lifecycle events or major traumatic experiences. However, occasionally an event which seems superficially insignificant can lead to an unexpected transformation.
This is the case in parshat Vayishlach, which we read this week. The portion is filled with what should have been huge, life-changing moments for Jacob. Jacob and his twin Esau reunite and make up after a 20-year estrangement. Following this, Jacob’s daughter Dinah is involved in a violent incident in Shechem that prompts her brothers to take revenge on her behalf, Rachel dies in childbirth, and Jacob’s father Isaac dies. All of these significant events likely impact Jacob in one way or another, but it’s before these at the beginning of the parshah when his life is changed completely.
Jacob is preparing to meet his brother after decades apart, and he struggles with an angel in his sleep. This unique encounter changes him in an instant, both physically and emotionally. The wrestling knocks his hip out of its socket, and Jacob’s name becomes Yisrael, literally “one who struggles with God.”
When Jacob and Esau reunite, Jacob is overcome with emotion. In Chapter 33, verse 10, Jacob proclaims, “Seeing your face is like seeing the face of God.” The text in Genesis Rabbah, a 5th century commentary on the Torah, suggests that Jacob is talking about his own transformation, not about his brother’s appearance. Jacob is sharing with Esau that he has seen the face of God and is a changed man, not the deceitful brother who tricked his twin. He no longer sees Esau as a rival, but as an equal, deserving of honor and dignity. Clearly Jacob is a new person.
It’s a cliché to simply say “people can change.” Our parshah reminds us that change is really about having our perspective shifted so that we may see the world differently. The hope is that we recognize in ourselves not only these significant moments when they happen, but the potential for them to occur at all.
Parenting by the Parshah – Vayishlach
Shhh! This recipe for forgiveness is a family secret, and it pairs really well with Vayishlach. (Yes, this too is Torah.)
We Are The Dreamers – Parshat Vayeitzei 5776
Some mornings I wake up confused as to whether the dream I just had was actually a dream or part of real life. There’s nothing more terrifying than waking up thinking you’ve flunked your high school final or you’ve missed a big deadline at work. On the other end of the spectrum, sometimes I wake up and wish that my dreams were true, that my father really did come back to see me or that magically my student loan debt was paid off. Our dreams let us peer into our deepest desires and fears.
In the Torah too we learn there are dreamers who walk the tightrope between fantasy and reality. Jacob, Joseph, and Pharaoh all have vivid dreams that ultimately change the course of their lives. With each of these men, their dreams have an additional God-related element that moves them to make a change in their world.
This week we read from parshat Vayeitzei, one of the turning points and most famous parts of our text. The text picks up with Jacob on his journey away from his parents’ house to meet his cousin, Lavan, and the strange dreams and encounters he has with godly creatures along the way. He ends up falling in love with Rachel, works for her hand in marriage, but is tricked into marrying Rachel’s older sister Leah. Fast forward after a few more years of work, and the prize of having Rachel as his wife is realized. The text continues with the expansion of Jacob’s large family and his journey away from his father-in-law Lavan to a new home.
In this week’s parshah, Jacob is the dreamer. His dream brings God down to him on earth, and in his dream angels dance around him, surrounding him with warmth and love. Alone in the wilderness because he’s had to run away from his family after deceiving his father and brother, Jacob is in an unfamiliar and probably terrifying place. God comes to him in a dream and promises to always be there with him, that he is not alone. What a relief it must have been for Jacob to feel that divine presence, and at the same time, surely he must have questioned whether or not it was real.
Jacob wakes up makes a deal with God to confirm that his dream was more than just a dream. In chapter 28, verses 20-21 he says: “If God remains with me, if He protects me on this journey that I am making, and gives me bread to eat and clothing to wear, and if I return safe to my father’s house – the Lord shall be my God.” Jacob isn’t sure whether to trust his dreams or not, and his prayer is essentially “I’ll believe it when I see it.” He makes a promise to God, trying to will God’s guidance and presence to be true.
This reassuring episode undoubtedly helps Jacob feel more closely connected to God, but did it change the course of his life? Ultimately, as his dream and bargaining tell us, the course of Jacob’s life is determined by his actions. Turning dreams into reality isn’t merely an act of God; it’s the combination of faith in God, faith in ourselves, and the active pursuit of the goals we wish to achieve.
Parenting by the Parshah – Vayeitzei
Why do we have fewer “wow” moments as adults? Perhaps we can learn from Jacob (and our children) to once again view the world around us with amazement. This too is Torah.
Rabbi Eve Posen 