Author: Eve Posen

Pillar of Memory

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I have long found the cemetery to be a peaceful place. That could sound morbid to some, but the cemetery is often a place where I feel grounded and at peace. It might be because the cemetery in Michigan where my family members are buried is beautiful and peaceful. But in general, I’ve found cemeteries to offer a similar feeling of sacred connection to the earth and to the stories they tell. 

When you walk through a cemetery, you’re likely to see the story of a community. Family trees drawn by names and dates on the gravestones. Stones that imply a permanence of the life story, that our loved ones existed and their stories will be remembered because there is a lasting marker of their lives. Stone is changed by water and wind, but remains nonetheless.  

Our Torah portion this week, Parshat Vayishlach, is marked by the death of Rachel after the birth of Benjamin. “Over her grave Jacob set up a pillar; it is the pillar at Rachel’s grave to this day.” This verse is the core text for the Jewish custom to mark the grave with a monument. As the Torah stands strong throughout the test of time, so too the honoring of a life will be remembered by the placing of a headstone or marker.

Interestingly, for all of the occasions for blessings we have, there is no traditional blessing recited at an unveiling. Instead, the rabbis remind us of the blessing of life, the blessings we have when we come together, when we preserve memory, and when we tell our stories.  

7 Days, 7 Blessings

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You might be surprised by how much I’m asked about the meaning of numerical values in Judaism. Whatever power you might or might not ascribe to them, there are certain numbers whose repetition bears noting. The number 7, for example. There are 7 days of creation, 7 colors of the rainbow, 7 days of the week, 7 patriarchs and matriarchs. The number 7 is also prominent in the Jewish wedding ceremony. Traditionally, the bride circled the groom 7 times before going under the chuppah (the wedding canopy), or in modern times the couple circles each other 3 times each and then walks once together in a circle. In either case, it’s a nod to that moment of creation, and the creation of a home together.

In addition, our Torah portion this week, Parshat Vayetzi, focuses twice on the number 7: first as the number of years Jacob works for Rachel (which he has to repeat), and the 7 nights of the bridal chamber. This tradition of the “bridal week,” which is the week Jacob spent with Leah as a private time after their marriage, is still in existence today and is symbolized by the Sheva Brachot, the seven blessings. There are 7 blessings recited under the chuppah at a wedding ceremony and added to Birkat Hamazon, the prayer after meals, for the week following a wedding when the bride and groom are present. 

You can find the Sheva Brachot with translation, transliteration, and the original Hebrew here: 

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-sheva-berakhot

Do you notice any themes spanning multiple blessings? Perhaps harkening back to the theme of creation again? 

There is one significant milestone not marked by the number 7. As we learned in the Torah portion a few weeks ago, the bris, the covenant of circumcision, takes place not on the 7th day, but the 8th day of life. Why this variation from the magical number? It’s thought that 7 is a number of completion or a number representing a cycle. That would make 8 the next step forward.

For Making Me, Me

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Our Torah portion this week, Toldot, is one of the most relatable for me, having taught Hebrew school for years of my life. It has even more meaning now as a parent. Children have the unique ability to push caregivers’ (and teachers’) buttons, especially in that wide age range between 2 and 18. I’ll admit that there were some moments in those early classroom days when I wondered why I ever thought I wanted to be a teacher. And I’m sure fellow parents can identify with the parenting moments that seem like test after test of our patience. It’s in these moments when I’m grateful to have a prayer I use for a reset. 

In Parshat Toldot Rebekah finds herself finally pregnant after wanting a child. It turns out she’s pregnant with twins who, even before they are fully formed human beings, test her nerves. She asks the question, as they quarrel inside her, “If this is so, why do I exist?” The answer is “Because they each have a purpose in our world.”

I take this response deeply to heart. Each human being has a purpose for which they were created. We learned a few chapters earlier in the story of creation that we humans were fashioned in God’s image, which means that each of us has a divine spark and purpose. The words used are “betzelem elohim,” fashioned in God’s image. 

In our morning prayers, we read the blessing “Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech haOlam she’asani b’tzalmo.” Blessed are You, Adonai our God, ruler of the universe, who made me in God’s image.

Many read this blessing as gratitude to God for creating us in the first place. I read this as an opportunity to remember that I was created in God’s image, but so was every other human. It is only when we see the humanity in all human beings that we’re able to open our hearts and minds to meaningful relationships. Even with the ones who push our buttons. 

The Blessing of Life

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Some moments in life leave us speechless, often because there’s an intense emotion (or emotions) attached. The birth of a child, the death of a loved one, or a wonder of nature, just to name a few. It’s in these moments when I’m grateful to be Jewish because we have words and even full blessings that give us somewhere to turn when there’s nothing to say.

One of these blessings is the one we recite when receiving bad news, usually at the moment we learn of a death. This blessing is rooted in the Torah portion this week, Parshat Chayei Sarah. In this section of the Torah, both Sarah and Abraham die. When Sarah dies we see Abraham momentarily pause and then get straight to work with finding a burial spot for her, creating a family plot, and looking toward the future. Then at Abraham’s death, Isaac has married Rebekkah and it becomes clear that Abraham and Sarah’s faith will continue on.

In moments like this, we’re asked as Jews, before we move into action, to pause. We recite the phrase “Baruch dayan ha’emet.” “Blessed is the true judge.” This instruction comes from the Mishna, the corpus of Jewish text that was created based on Torah law once the Temple no longer stood in Jerusalem. The Mishna is inviting us to recognize that challenges, pain, suffering – these are also a part of life. When we say “Blessed is the true judge” in moments of hardship, we’re not blessing the suffering itself; we’re affirming our faith in God’s wisdom and justice, even when we cannot understand it.

Bless Those in Need of Healing

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I’ve written before about my time in rabbinical school when I did a summer unit of Clinical Pastoral Education. Over that summer I worked 40-hour weeks in a level one trauma hospital. Each day I would do rounds of my assigned units and offer to pray for each patient. From what I observed, my colleagues of other faiths were easily able to access extemporaneous prayer, partly because they weren’t relying on a specific prayer for healing as we have in Judaism. However, I was regularly drawn to the words of our prayer for healing, the Misheberach L’cholim. These Hebrew words literally translate to: “To the one who blesses the sick.” 

It’s in this week’s parshah when the first blessing of the ill is offered, and we actually see several variations. This blessing in Parshat Vayera doesn’t look quite like it does today. In the Torah, the messengers of God come to visit Abraham as he’s healing from his circumcision. They model what it looks like to visit the sick. Following this experience we see Abraham bargain with God on behalf of the people of Sodom and Gemorrah; begging for an injunction to save their lives is also a prayer for healing. The text ends with Hagar begging for sustenance, its own form of healing, as she and Ishmael are banished from Abraham’s house, and then finally Abraham’s proclamation of presence at the binding of Isaac. 

Together these segments of text teach us that part of our work in community is to be in the blessing process with each other. We can show up so those in need of healing are not alone. We can pray, and we can also offer resources. We can send meals or participate in a Meal Train. Each of these acts and more are a part of the blessing of healing the sick. 

For more:

The Story Behind Debbie Friedman’s Beloved ‘Mi Sheberach’ Melody

Jewish Prayer for the Sick: Mi Sheberach