Month: December 2011

The Lesser of Two Evils – Parshat Vayeishev 5772

Eve PosenLeave a comment

Decision making is difficult; we are often left to make choices that we don’t want to make.  If you’re like me, you might make a list or weigh the pros and cons of each decision.  When it looks like there might be no “good” outcome, we’re forced to make a decision based on which choice leaves the least negative outcome.
Being caught between a rock and a hard place is exactly where a few of Joseph’s brothers find themselves in parshat Vayeishev.  In this week’s parshah, we are once again regaled with Joseph’s imagination and the sibling rivalry it causes between him and his brothers.  The brothers decide to sell Joseph, Jacob mourns for his son; Joseph ends up in Egypt and eventually in jail for a misunderstanding with Potiphar’s wife, and Judah gets into trouble with a woman named Tamar.  Throughout this section of text, we see the brothers deciding in their own ways how to treat Joseph. 
But let’s not jump too far ahead.  While the brothers are out to pasture with their flock, they conspire against Joseph.  When they see him approaching from a distance, they whisper to each other that they should kill him.  As the brothers are plotting, Reuben chimes in.  In Chapter 37, verse 21, the text teaches us that Reuben tried to save Joseph from them.  He suggested, “Let us not take his life; Shed no blood!  Cast him into that pit out in the wilderness, but do not touch him yourselves.”  The text finishes this passage in verse 22, adding that Reuben intended to save Joseph from the brothers and restore him to his father, once he was able to return and help him out of the pit.  While we do not know for sure the reason behind Reuben’s actions, we can infer that as the oldest son, Reuben would be held accountable for Joseph, so he faced a decision: either become an outcast among his brothers for standing up for Joseph or face the wrath of Jacob.  Neither sounded too pleasant to him.
Judah, on the other hand, suggests that the brothers not kill Joseph, but rather sell him to the traders passing by.  Both Judah and Reuben, in their own ways, suggest compromises, neither of which is particularly brotherly, but each would prevent Joseph’s death.  While they might be praised for looking out for the life of their brother, Joseph, the Babylonian Talmud teaches in tractateSanhedrin that while Judah saves Joseph’s life with his suggestion, he is to be condemned.  One is not to be praised merely for being less wicked than one’s companions.  While Judah chose the lesser of two evils, he was still choosing an evil action. 
Our tradition also teaches that Reuben returns to the scene of the crime and sees that Joseph is gone. Thinking that his brother is dead, Reuben tears his own clothing in mourning.  Reuben assumes that despite his efforts, Joseph has died, but in fact it was Reuben’s suggestion in verse 22 that saved Joseph’s life.  Sfat Emet teaches that often we despair that the good deeds we have done have made no difference, when often they have made a great difference. 
Ideally, we wouldn’t have to make choices between the lesser of the two evils, but the real lesson is knowing that all decisions matter to some degree.  The best choices we make, while they might seem small, could mean the world to someone else. 
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: This week’s parshah shows us how siblings can both protect and harm one another, and how our actions, even with good intentions can have a serious effect on others.  The Jewish value Kol Yisrael areivim zeh b’zeh, “all of Israel is responsible for one another” reaches us that if we see something wrong happening to our fellow, we must stand up and act now.  In this season we often hear about others who have trouble finding warm clothes, food to eat or a job.  And yes, sometimes this is because of their own poor choices, but in the end we are responsible to help others when we can.  Talk with your children about their decision making process, map out Reuben and Judah’s decisions and see together where the faults are.  And then, try to spend a few minutes helping others in whatever way you can.

The Worst-Case Scenario Torah Survival Handbook – Parshat Vayishlach 5772

Eve PosenLeave a comment

I find it a bit humorous when someone asks “What’s the worst that could happen?”  Usually this phrase comes up when you’re about to take a risk or decide to do something you’re unsure of.  It’s meant to sound comforting, the encouragement to move forward and take the risk, and yet when you stop to think about it, there are plenty of worst case scenarios that aren’t comforting at all.  In life, when we’re faced with a challenge, a decision to make, when we need to face our past or an uncomfortable situation, we often prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
This week we read parshat Vayishlach, the continuing narrative of Jacob’s life.  The text tells us of Jacob’s preparation to meet with his brother Esau, the dream he has that changes his name to “Israel,” and Jacob’s move to Shechem where his family encounters drama and finally the death of Isaac, Jacob and Esau’s father.  We read about the death of Rachel and the birth of Benjamin.  While the text is filled with decisions and reminders of life’s ups and downs, the text begins with Jacob considering his own worst case scenario.
If you recall, Jacob was forced to flee from his home after his mother Rebekah conspired with him to get the birthright that belonged to his older brother, Esau.  Jacob runs to the wilderness, where he has vivid dreams of angels on ladders and a few additional epiphanies as he tries to figure out what to do with his life.  Parshat Vayishlach begins with the reunion of Jacob and Esau after this long absence.  Jacob, trying to figure out how this meeting will play out, sends messengers ahead to his brother to test the waters.  The messengers tell Esau about Jacob’s wealth and request for peace; they return sharing news that Esau himself will come to meet Jacob.  You can imagine at this moment Jacob has a million different scenarios running through his head, and hearing his messengers share that Esau has 400 men with him was probably not reassuring.  Jacob reacts by separating out his camps; he splits his family on opposite sides of the river, a clear sign that he expects the worst from this encounter. 
It is in this moment of fear and dread that we see a significant change in Jacob.  The last time he was scared, he turned to pray to God, but his prayer was like a bargain.  God, if you do this for me, I will setup an altar to praise you.  This time, Jacob’s prayer changes.  He prays for safety and security rather than making a bargain with God because he realizes that he has nothing to offer.  Instead, Jacob reminds God of the promise to protect him, to bless him with many children, wealth and love.  Jacob knows that trust in God means understanding that God’s promise will not be fulfilled if Esau kills him. 
As it turns out, all of his imagining a worst case scenario was merely a mental exercise because when Jacob and Esau are reunited, they embrace and cry.  Often, thinking of the worst case scenario gets us all riled up to expect the worst, so we are not able to be clear headed and hope for the best.  This week, Jacob not only shows us how his prayers have matured, but how he’s able to confront his fears. 
Being prepared for a potentially bad situation is a helpful defense, but being able to give something – or someone – the benefit of the doubt is equally as important.  We have to remember not to let our imaginations run away with us.  If we prepare for the possibilities, but still expect the best in people, we might be surprised. 
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do:   As we read this week’s parshah, we see that Esau is willing to change.  He takes a step back from his anger, from his rage against his brother from their childhood and embraces his own flesh and blood with warmth.  Often in our lives we hold on to the negative and forget to embrace change.  Later we see Joseph forgive his brothers for an even worse transgression.  We learn the power of forgiveness from these role models.  As we approach the end of the year, start to talk as a family about letting go and moving forward. 

Up, Up and Away – Parshat Vayeitzei 5772

Eve PosenLeave a comment

 

What goes up must come down.  A lesson learned after my balloon floated away from me to the high ceiling of the synagogue.  I was reassured over and over again that eventually the balloon would shrivel as the helium escaped, and my balloon would come back to me, albeit slightly smaller.  It always made sense to me that before something could come down, it needed to go up, but this week’s parshah brings new understanding to this concept.
This week we read parshat Vayetzei, which in English means “and he went out.”  The parshah is about Jacob leaving his father’s home, on the run after he receives the blessing of the first born meant for his brother.  On his trek, Jacob lays down for sleep one evening and uses a rock as a pillow.  As he sleeps, he dreams of angels of God going up and down on a ladder.  Though it seems like semantics, the question that arises is how can angels go up and then down?  That order makes sense for a balloon, but shouldn’t angels come down from the heavens and return up?
The commentator Rashbam, Rashi’s grandson, suggests that this order isn’t a literal description; rather, we say “up and down” because it is proper for us to first mention the attributes of a person that lift them up in our eyes, then – and only then – to remember when they have fallen.  That is to say, we are to always focus on finding the positive in each individual.  It is our job as members of a community to lift one another up, to bring reminders of the positive and look for the best in one another.
I am often asked why our forefathers are the men we look to as the great leaders of our people. Aren’t the first words we read from Abraham (asking Sarah to pretend she is his sister) part of a lie?  Isn’t Isaac too quiet and passive?  And what does Jacob’s lie to Isaac say about his character?  It’s important to remember that the task of building a nation of people doesn’t come easy.  Yes, theTorah tells us that our nation has come from them, but it took many tough choices and stumbles along the way.
Jacob is on a journey and not really sure where he will end up.  During Jacob’s travels he will eventually meet up with his Uncle Laban, be tricked into working seven years for Rachel, but marrying Leah instead, only to work longer to marry Rachel, his love.  Jacob was at a point in his life where it would have been easy to only see the angels come down, where everything could have felt like a giant weight on his shoulders, but God, acting as the great cheerleader, reminds him that there is always a way up. We can learn the same lesson as Jacob: to look for the upside first and make that what we carry with us.
ללמוד  To Learn: ללמד  To Teach: Chapter 30 of Bereshit speaks about Rachel’s attempts to overcome infertility.  The matriarchs, Sarah, Rebekah and Rachel each have a struggle with childbirth and infertility in one way or another.  Their struggles are still felt today by many families in our community, and treatments can be very costly.  Consider making a donation to Priya: A New Fund for Jewish Reproduction of the Dallas Jewish Community Foundation.  The word “Priya” is Hebrew for “Being Fruitful.”  This fund provides education to the Jewish community about infertility as well as financial assistance to Jewish families experiencing infertility.
לשמור  To Keep:  לעשות  To Do: Parshat Vayetzei is full of interesting family dynamics, one of the most prominent is the importance of children to a family.  Children represent the continuation of a family line.  This week, let your children know that you treasure them.  On Friday evening for Shabbat, give them a blessing.