In the last few weeks I have spent many days at the ocean. Some days and nights in Santa Monica listening to the waves, watching the birds, feeling the water skim by my feet. Watching the water move in and out, wondering about where the water has been. Today, I went with my friends T and A who have been staying with my from New York for the past week to Rancho Palos Verdes. We first went and saw a beautiful, Swedenborgian chapel with all the precious beauty that it holds. Then we continued along the coast to Donald Trump’s golf course and traveled along the public beach trail. The views were magnificent. We took some time, and took in the sights and sounds and I began to reflect on my year.
“The waves rush in and out, Eli Eli She’lo yigamer haolam, hachol v’hayam, rishrush shel hamayim… My God, I pray that these things never end, the sand and the sea, the rush of the waters… Hannah Senesh knew what she was talking about when she wrote these magnificent words. The waves rush, hurried, heavy, the slam into the rocks, rushing, exploding, they hit the end and way back and forth.
These waves, so calming and sweet in their sounds are my year. It rushed, hurried, full force, pushing wildly, unyielding, rushing- then it hit the rocks, slamming into the rocks, the trauma, the obstacles, the sadness- it reaches a violent halt, and then the calm sets in.
The tears rushed like the ocean, pouring out, flowed without end, and then, they too ceased, hit that breaker, nothing is coming, there is nothing left.
That year is over, it hit the breaker, this year begins with a calm stream. Picking up the pebbles as it flows. It is calm, peaceful, nearly perfect. I am sure there will be waves, but maybe I am ready this year. This year, I will surf the waves, ride them out, this year the ocean will not win.